Drunkenness and alcoholism are a traditional motive for divorce in all developed countries, invariably ranked first among the causes of divorce. According to the World Health Organization, alcoholism in various countries affects from 2 to 10% of the population.

Naturally, domestic drunkenness and alcoholism are reflected in marital and family life, family members, the upbringing of children, as well as work and social behavior.

Many researchers tend to regard alcoholism as a typical sociopathy, because this disease is of a completely different nature and has a different origin than all other diseases, including mental ones.

Alcoholism is a typical drug addiction, formed on the basis of a fairly regular use of alcoholic beverages over a number of years. Chronic alcoholism should be distinguished from everyday drunkenness, which is due to situational issues, defects in education, low culture, moral licentiousness. If in the fight against domestic drunkenness there are enough measures of social influence, then chronic alcoholism, which leads to mental disorders and a number of other diseases that require medical treatment.

Alcoholism as drug addiction, according to experts, can result from alcohol abuse from 1-2 to 15-20 or more years, depending on gender, age, degree of mental and somatic disorders, individual characteristics the personality of the drinker.

Unfortunately, everyday drunkenness is closely connected with the established customs and traditions in holding any celebrations, holidays, with a low cultural level of recreation and leisure, with the inability of people to occupy themselves. Domestic drunkenness is also facilitated by a high degree of tolerance on the part of the public and all citizens. The danger of alcohol is that it changes the state of mind, allegedly temporarily increasing the tone, mood, and later leads to a loss of self-control.

In recent decades, there have been significant changes among people suffering from alcoholism. The main, overwhelming majority of patients with chronic alcoholism are men, but if at the beginning of the 20th century. most researchers noted the rarity and exclusivity of alcoholism among women, then in last years According to various authors, female alcoholism has become a very common phenomenon. According to G. V. Morozov and A. K. Kachaev, the onset of systematic alcohol abuse among women in 29.3% of cases falls on the age from 15 to 23 years and in 53% - from 23 to 30, and in general up to 30 years - at 82%. Other authors (I. V. Strelchuk, I. G. Urakov, F. F. Gordeev) also point to the fact of rejuvenation of female alcoholism.

All of them note that the attraction to him in women manifests itself much faster, that is, in the first 1-3 years of alcohol abuse. In this case, there is a rapid mental degradation of the individual. A. A. Kirpichenko (Vitebsk) reports that 56% of women suffering from alcoholism were divorced; in 60% of cases, the education of women did not exceed 8 classes. Many women were associated with production, where they had direct access to liquor. Often, alcoholism was accompanied by sexual promiscuity, lack of proper care for children, and disruption of industrial relations. E. P. Sokolova (Moscow) reports that among women suffering from alcoholism, 49% turned out to be workers in the trade of public catering enterprises, one way or another connected with alcoholic beverages.

The special attention that we pay to female alcoholism is primarily due to the severe consequences for offspring. According to Dr. med. V. M. Lupandina, alcoholism of mothers leads to especially severe consequences for offspring, which manifest themselves in defects in growth, mental and physical development, craniofacial deformities (microcephaly, short and narrow palpebral fissures, underdevelopment of the upper and mandible). Anomalies of the joints, congenital heart defects, anomalies of the external genital organs, and much more are also possible.

L. Ya. Visnevskaya and E. A. Danilova in the brochure “Parents drink - children suffer” cite the data of psychiatrist N. N. Bodnyanskaya, who examined 114 children from 70 families with drinking parents. In 1/5 of observations at an early age, children noticeably lagged behind their peers in physical development, poorly added weight, grew weak and sickly, started walking and talking late; 8 children were born with deformities - an excessively small head, underdeveloped limbs. In more than half of the cases, children suffered from one or another type of neuropsychiatric pathology - mental retardation, mental retardation, neurosis, character pathology, epilepsy, etc.

The disorganizing effect of chronic alcoholism on married life and the upbringing of children is diverse. Firstly, in connection with frequent, regular drinking, a tense, conflict situation is created in the family. Secondly, with alcoholism, the very personality of the patient changes, there are significant elements of loss of self-control, moral degradation, irresponsibility, neglect of children.

There are cases of senseless cruelty, rudeness, tactlessness, hooliganism on the part of a regularly drinking parent. AT psychologically the situation in the family becomes abnormal, it is characterized by constant quarrels and conflicts, it is psychotraumatic both for the other marriage partner and for the children.

“We cannot allow,” writes V. M. Lupandin, “a negative attitude of the child towards himself, which is induced by the conflicting behavior of a drunken father. It is also clear that the drunkenness of the father diverts the attention of the mother and child, deprives the emotional atmosphere of the family of peace, which is necessary for the awakened personality of the child ... ". And then the author continues: "The usual developmental difficulties that are characteristic of adolescents, such as increased demands on others, the overthrow of the authority of parents, various complexes, etc., are complicated by the father's alcoholism."

For the stability of the family, an important circumstance is that with domestic drunkenness and chronic alcoholism, unproductive expenses of the family increase. Between spouses, even with normal relationships, certain periods of living together, there may be financial disagreements. With systematic household drunkenness and chronic alcoholism, such disagreements become especially acute. It is quite natural that, as a result of systematic drunkenness, the standard of living of a family drops sharply compared to families of non-drinkers.

Another consequence of systematic household drunkenness and chronic alcoholism is a rather sharp decrease in male potency and even the onset of impotence. In intimate relationships on the part of an alcoholic, aggressiveness, cruelty, rudeness are manifested, which causes negative feelings in women and in some cases can lead, as already noted, to the emergence of frigidity.

In a family where one of the parents systematically drinks, there are no conditions for the normal upbringing and development of children. Children and other family members experience an acute sense of shame in front of acquaintances, friends, comrades, neighbors, relatives for a drinking man (woman). As a rule, drunkards and alcoholics commit many antisocial acts (fights, hooliganism, scandals, etc.).

The facts given in scientific literature, indicate that patients with alcoholism have a "rich" judicial past, criminal inclinations, and they can be considered as potential violators public order. According to the observations of doctor V. Peev (Bulgaria), 24.3% of patients with alcoholism had a criminal record for theft, hooliganism, rape, murder, 32.4% of patients were divorced, including 70% of them were divorced under the age of 40 . Most of the patients with alcoholism were not engaged in general useful work.

As you can see, on the basis of systematic domestic drunkenness and chronic alcoholism, a number of conditions and circumstances arise that destroy married life. Therefore, it is by no means accidental that drunkenness and alcoholism in the hierarchy of motives for divorces make up the lion's share and are almost always in the first place. It is impossible and difficult to overestimate the negative consequences for the family of this social evil. We do not dwell on the economic consequences of drunkenness and alcoholism for social production, as this is a special topic of research. In addition, there is another aspect of the severe consequences of alcoholism for the family: over time, the character of a person suffering from alcoholism changes, and even, moreover, personality degradation very often occurs.

It would probably be simplistic and primitive to represent the causes of domestic drunkenness and chronic alcoholism only by the properties and circumstances of the personal moral licentiousness of certain individuals, low level culture, insufficiently developed spiritual needs, lack of understanding and other moral and spiritual criteria.

Of course, that these circumstances play a role, but they are far from the primacy. In the biography of a significant part of alcoholics, there was a dysfunctional childhood: a conflict family, pedagogical neglect, frequent cases of cruelty, rudeness, and tactlessness on the part of parents. From childhood, the child developed and consolidated conflict relations with his mother or father. As a rule, from early childhood, the child felt a lack of love, tenderness, care, a lack of understanding of his specific problems, that is, he experienced a number of deep mental traumas.

In adolescence and youth, a dysfunctional family environment has a particular influence on the emergence of addiction to alcohol. As the well-known Soviet psychiatrists V. A. Guryev and V. Ya. Gindikin note, the following circumstances contributing to youthful alcoholism should be singled out: father’s alcoholism, mother’s alcoholism and her immoral behavior, loss of father, conflict situation in the family and neglect associated with previous factors , pedagogical and social neglect.

The conditions of life in incomplete or broken families also have a great adverse effect on children, adolescents and young men. Under these conditions, social control over the adolescent is greatly hampered, and the general atmosphere of the family is also deteriorating. Of course, the decisive role in family education belongs to the behavior of the parents themselves, the presence or absence of their "double morality", cynicism, nihilism, skepticism in relation to the basic values ​​of culture and civilization.

It brings up the real behavior of the parents themselves, their way of thinking, their way of life, relationships with each other. L Makarenko wrote that bad parents "too exaggerate the importance of pedagogical conversations", which, in their opinion, "are intended to upset the listener, bring them to tears, to moral exhaustion." So, defects in the upbringing and moral development of children depend on many factors, but among them we should highlight: a) the way of life, behavior, moral and cultural level of mother and father; b) relationship between father and mother; c) their attitude towards their child; d) awareness and understanding of the goals, objectives of family education and means, ways to achieve them.

Naturally, the father and mother are the first and most convincing models of behavior for the child. It is from the inappropriate behavior of parents that defects in the upbringing and moral development of children occur. According to N. G. Yakovleva, in most cases, adolescents who systematically or often drink alcohol began to do so in the family, imitating adults and with their permission.

The positive influence of family upbringing in good families is undeniable, as is the undoubtedly and profoundly negative influence in so-called conflict or problem families. Furthermore, negative traits The nature of the mother and father is somehow transmitted to the child through constant communication in the family, through social imitation.

In the psychiatric and psychological literature, enough facts have been accumulated and given that convincingly prove that neuropsychic disorders in children are often based on an incorrect emotional attitude of the mother (father) towards her child.

So, the influence of the family microenvironment on the development of the child's personality is enormous. It can also be purely negative, deforming the child's character traits, which will undoubtedly affect his future life, including family life. Defects in character and moral education can contribute to the emergence of addiction to alcohol, which occurs as a defensive reaction against feelings of inferiority, self-doubt, depression, apathy and pessimism / Disharmonious personality traits, laid down in the parental family, are fertile ground for addiction to alcohol. As already noted, the impact of alcoholism and domestic drunkenness on marital and family life huge. The abuse of alcohol by one of the spouses creates an abnormal atmosphere in the family and a constant

I will start for quarrels, conflicts, scandals. A number of psychotraumatic situations are created for all family members and especially for children. Such an atmosphere adversely affects the psyche and behavior of children. There is a sharp increase in the risk of neuropsychiatric disorders in children, mothers and other family members, and the likelihood of having children with various deviations and anomalies increases. In families where one of the spouses abuses alcohol, material difficulties appear, the sphere of spiritual interests gradually narrows, and cases of immoral behavior increase. Spouses are more and more moving away from each other. The emotional, psychological and physiological consequences of drunkenness and alcoholism are very detrimental to intimate life spouses. Marriage is subjected to the most difficult test. In such conditions, one of the spouses decides on the last step - divorce.

Thus, among the motives for divorce, drunkenness and alcoholism traditionally occupy the first place in all studies conducted by various authors in different time and in different regions of the country. That is why the fight against this social evil is very important both for strengthening marriage and the family, and for the normal, full-fledged education of the younger generations.

State and public organizations, all citizens of our society should take part in it.

The phrase “go for a walk” for adults not so long ago meant only a walk in the fresh air with or without friends in a park or some square. Now it has a slightly different meaning. So, “to take a walk” means to get drunk to such a state when all moral principles are completely overshadowed by alcohol and nothing else prevents a person from freeing himself from the framework of morality. People thus try to throw off the burden of conventions, looking for that very notorious freedom, which is nowhere to be found.

The only thing that lovers of "walk" do not take into account is the fact that alcohol is just as dangerous as morphine, cocaine and other drugs. It is addictive and addictive, which is a direct road to another and not such a coveted word and human condition as alcoholism, or drunkenness. Drunkenness in the family becomes a real nightmare for those family members who have to live and share a home with an alcoholic.

So what's the problem?

Many films, both Soviet and Western, openly promote drinking alcohol not only in company, on birthdays, but also as a substitute for ordinary water. The phrase that sounds in Western-style films, “wet the throat”, which means not just to quench your thirst, but to drink something intoxicating, has become famous. No one sees a problem in having a glass of whiskey and then going to play baseball or basketball with their son. Between these actions, the directors do not pull the thread of cause and effect, switching the viewer to the next frame, not allowing them to think about the negative consequences of such actions.

But it would seem that what's wrong with drinking a glass or two with your family and going for a walk with your son or going to bed with your wife, because alcoholism and family relationships have the right to life? It is precisely in the harmful effects of the influence of alcohol on the human body that the whole problem lies. After all, drinking alcohol affects a person both in the short and long term.

At the moment of alcohol intoxication, a person weakens all psychomotor reactions, instincts, muscles become relaxed, a person begins to control his movements, actions, words, thoughts less and less.

At a certain point, he stops even remembering what happens to him. Now let's look at the nature of this problem in the context of each possible member of the average family (take a family in which a middle-aged man and woman live, as well as one child between the ages of four and seven).

The impact of drinking in the family on the child

The systematic use of alcohol by one of the household members will lead to the fact that the child will be Negative influence in the following areas of life:

1. The child will grow up with a clear understanding that alcohol does not harm him, while not connecting it with other consequences due to lack of knowledge and inability to fully analyze the real state of affairs. This is due to the fact that he is completely dependent on adults and everything that his parents tell him is true from the point of view of the child. Hence the early alcoholism in children. After all, parents get drunk, they don’t see anything wrong with it, they rejoice at another drinking bout, but at the same time they forbid the child to have fun in the same way. The child begins to see alcohol as a means to maturity. The sooner the first drinking in his life happens, the faster the child will turn into an adult.
2. Since alcoholism and the family cannot exist together, this circumstance often leads to violent quarrels on domestic grounds, which can lead not only to beatings, but also to more grave consequences. A child, seeing such a scene, can remain psychologically traumatized for life. According to the mildest forecasts, he will be prone to manifestations of cruelty towards peers, withdrawn, intimidated.
3. Frequent drunkenness creates an image of laxity, disintegration of discipline. Thus, many children slip through their studies without feeling the care of their father or mother. As a result - the inability to normally finish even school, not to mention entering the university.
4. Quite often, children fall under the hot hand of drunken parents, receiving not only moral, but also quite tangible physical injuries.
5. Alcoholism and the family require many financial injections. And when priority is given to the first, the child does not receive the benefits of civilization that his peers from more prosperous families receive. So the child can develop an inferiority complex.
6. Alcoholism in the family leads to the fact that there is no one or nothing to even feed the child. As a result - soreness and weakness of the child, slow development.

This one is far from complete list threats to the baby is a rather serious obstacle to his development as a member of society, provides all the prerequisites for the child to sink even lower than his parents and not take the path of a normal human life. It will be difficult for him to communicate with peers, he will not be able to compete with them on an equal footing in terms of physical strength and endurance, mental development due to his insufficient security.

Differences between men and women in the context of the problem of alcoholism

If only one person in the family suffers from alcoholism, then the reaction of the second spouse will differ due to their innate psychophysiological and gender differences. So, if a man is a drunkard, then a woman will notice the problem, and she will start acting earlier. True, the woman will try to solve the problem gradually. At first it will be conversations, hints, joking about the increasing cases of indecent behavior of her husband. Later, the woman will begin to make scandals, quarrel. And only if the problem becomes serious, the woman will act for real. It may well be that it comes to hospitalization.

By the way, the standard line of behavior for an average woman, described above, provokes a man to protest behavior. The husband, in most cases, as a reaction to quarrels, injections and unambiguous hints from his wife, will get drunk more often as a resistance. And he will do it defiantly.

A man, on the other hand, will notice the manifestations of alcoholism in his wife much later, and he will begin to act much later. A man will prefer to give time for the situation to resolve itself. But he will fight the problem decisively and try to eliminate it in one fell swoop. What kind of decision it will be - a divorce, an appeal to specialized clinics, or a request for the intervention of relatives - depends on the character and temperament of a particular man, as well as his financial capabilities.

It happens that both husband and wife suffer from alcoholism. This is the most dangerous situation. Only the intervention of third parties (parents, friends, caring people, in the end - society) can stop such spouses. They themselves will not be able to appreciate the deplorable situation. Moreover, in such a family, spouses will stimulate each other to a lower fall.

What to do in such a situation? There are not many ways to cure a person of alcoholism, and yet this phenomenon in medical circles has acquired the status of a disease for a long time, and not without reason. The main way to deal with problems of alcoholism in the family is the early identification of this very problem. It must be clearly understood that there can be no compromises. First of all, you should set an ultimatum for yourself: alcoholism and family are incompatible.

Dealing with problems of alcoholism in the family does not mean that you need to destroy all the stocks of alcohol in the house. This definitely won't help. An avid alcoholic will always find a way to get drunk and bring a new portion of booze into the house.

In no case should you scold your husband or wife every day about her / his condition at the moment. The main task here is to direct the stumbled person to the right path. You can not turn a serious conversation about the problem of family and alcoholism into playful fun or into a scene of hysteria. Only the facts stated soberly, in a calm atmosphere and without unnecessary nerves, will help. It is necessary to explain to a person that alcoholism and family are incompatible concepts. One destroys the other.

The psychological side of the issue

Let's try to figure out what alcoholism is from a psychological point of view. A person who indulges in drunkenness, in addition to creating a problem for his family, enjoys it. And not from the action of alcohol. This is a purely chemical component of the issue. Getting drunk, a person often tries to attract attention in this way. The situation has become classic when a woman whose husband is an alcoholic “babysits” him. As soon as her husband gets drunk again, she immediately begins to lament, trying to put him to bed, pick him up from the street, undress him and show him other signs of attention.

When the husband is sober, his wife does not seem to notice him. He begins to think that she has become less fond of him, that he is superfluous in this family. His mind tells him to go get drunk to get away from all problems. But the subconscious mind pushes him to another drinking bout precisely because of the lack of attention, although alcoholism does not solve the problems of the family. However, one of the members, at least in the initial stages, regularly does this. It was then that he could not live a day without a bottle.

Therefore, it is precisely at the initial stage, when the matter has not yet become serious, that it is important to give a decisive battle to drunkenness not by the methods of cruel terror, but to try to solve the problem with the help of so-called soft power. It is better to give your soulmate more love, help her with everyday affairs, compliment her on her new old hairstyle, ask her husband to fix the socket, and then praise her for a job well done. And relations in the family will improve, and the problem of drunkenness will be solved by itself.

Involvement of the second party in the continued existence of the problem

Quite often there are cases when one person drinks, and the other seems to be doing everything to stop the first one, but all the results are only short-term. What is it connected with?

It's all about our passion for winning awards. The human mind is built like other animals and is actually not that far removed from them. If a person does something right and others notice it, he gets pleasure, like from soft drugs. Each subsequent time a person wants to get more and more pleasure. Thus there is an addiction to certain types of pleasure. Now consider a specific situation from life on such a topic as alcoholism and the family.

A person begins to gradually enter into a binge. The second half notices this and takes preventive action: condemns the drunkard in every possible way, tries to explain that alcoholism and the family are incompatible. And such conversations reach an extreme point, when the victim of an alcoholic decides to move in with relatives for a while. Naturally, an alcoholic cannot exist on his own. What happens next? And then the alcoholic “tied up” with drinking for a while, becomes exemplary, asks his soulmate to return, says compliments, does everything to confirm that his half is doing everything right, because she is always good, the whole house rests on her. Thus the victim receives his "reward" in the form of praise, satisfaction and some result. But why is the result short-term?

Everything is simple. A person who seemed to be suffering from an alcoholic no longer receives those same “rewards” for a long time and begins to urgently need them. As a result, sometimes, without even noticing it, the victims of alcoholics stimulate them, incite them to a new binge. Then history repeats itself. Such families are not uncommon. They keep on this aspect, even though it is an unhealthy psychological environment. Solving their momentary problem, they do not notice how the most precious thing - children - suffers. Therefore, alcoholism and the family must be placed on opposite sides of the barricades.

Behavioral strategy in relation to the alcoholic after the normalization of the situation

Having achieved success, that is, forcing a person to stop drinking even for a short time, making it clear to him / her that alcoholism and family cannot be combined, and making you really believe in it at least for a while, you can proceed to the next stage of the struggle - strengthening success.

First of all, you need to forget about the word alcohol in the house. This problem no longer concerns the house. In no case should you arrange holidays with the drinking of alcoholic beverages. It is necessary to protect as best as possible a person who has just set foot on the path of correction. It is better not to even remember the period when a person drank. Naturally, if possible, alcohol should be removed from the house.

Be sure to try to take everything free time former drunkard. It can be some kind of housework, playing with children, performing an important assignment. Don't forget to mark right steps person towards correction. Attempts to talk about any entertainment incidents with drinking alcohol should not be supported, they should be stopped in every possible way.

They help very well not only to forget the dark period of family life, but also to give a new goal in life, to interest a partner in joint sports. It can be absolutely any of the types. The main thing is that the family spends their free time together, so that it is not aimless, but the activity captures.

Hiking trips over long and medium distances especially unite the family. Indeed, in the campaign you will have to show all your skills, become really useful. Everyone can find something to do here. A man will have to put up a tent, chop wood, carry weights. The woman will cook the food. It seemed that everything was done at home, on the spot. But at home, the role of each member is not obvious, but on a campaign everything happens in plain sight.

Clinical treatment and its risks

Not everyone is helped by hospitalization. After leaving the clinic, people immediately buy booze in the nearest store. Therefore, hospitalization, and any medications, is best left as a last resort.

Naturally, we are not talking about cases of alcohol poisoning. Here it is better to rely on doctors and their methods, without resorting to any traditional medicine, not to the advice of neighbors, friends and relatives, but immediately call an ambulance.

Thanks for the feedback

Comments

Megan92 () 2 weeks ago

Has anyone managed to save her husband from alcoholism? Mine drinks without drying up, I don’t know what to do ((I thought of getting a divorce, but I don’t want to leave the child without a father, and I feel sorry for my husband, he’s a great person when he doesn’t drink

Daria () 2 weeks ago

I have already tried so many things and only after reading this article, I managed to wean my husband from alcohol, now he doesn’t drink at all, even on holidays.

Megan92 () 13 days ago

Daria () 12 days ago

Megan92, so I wrote in my first comment) I will duplicate it just in case - link to article.

Sonya 10 days ago

Isn't this a divorce? Why sell online?

Yulek26 (Tver) 10 days ago

Sonya, what country do you live in? They sell on the Internet, because shops and pharmacies set their markup brutal. In addition, payment is only after receipt, that is, they first looked, checked and only then paid. And now everything is sold on the Internet - from clothes to TVs and furniture.

Editorial response 10 days ago

Sonya, hello. This drug is for the treatment alcohol addiction really is not sold through the pharmacy chain and retail stores in order to avoid inflated prices. Currently, you can only order official website. Be healthy!

Alcoholism- This is a painful condition associated with the systematic and excessive use of alcoholic beverages. It is characterized by three main criteria:

1. Anatomical and physiological problems such as hand tremor, paresis and paralysis, mental retardation, weight loss, joint changes, vascular system disorders;

2. Psychological problems such as obsessive desire to drink;

3. Behavioral problems that disrupt social or work life.

Alcoholics can be of any age, origin, social status and income level. Alcoholics can have both very young children and teenagers or adult children; may be married or married; they may have brothers or sisters; have parents or other relatives. A patient with alcohol addiction can completely disrupt family life and cause terrible consequences that can last a lifetime. Alcoholism is one of the major causes of family problems.

Each family member may behave differently under the influence of alcohol. Parental alcoholism can affect the anatomy or physiology of the fetus even before the baby is born. In the body of a pregnant woman, alcohol penetrates into all organs and tissues, including the placenta, where it easily passes through the membrane separating the blood system of the mother and fetus. When a pregnant woman has consumed alcohol, the concentration of alcohol in the blood of her unborn child will be the same level as in the blood of the mother. Pregnant women who drink alcohol during pregnancy are at greater risk of having a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS). The more alcohol a pregnant woman consumes, the more severe the symptoms of FAS in children will be. Children born with FAS are stunted in height and weight compared to normal children. Have anatomical deformities of the brain and skull, and characteristic features faces such as small eye holes, thin upper lips, long, flat faces. Violations of the central nervous and emotional adequacy. Experience difficulties in learning, concentration, judgment, memory, logical thinking. Difficulty adapting to changes in the social environment. Fetal alcohol syndrome and its consequences are permanent and often lead to lifelong problems with delayed anatomical, physiological and mental development.

Parental alcoholism also has serious consequences for normal children. Many of these children share common symptoms such as low self-esteem, feelings of loneliness and guilt, helplessness, and chronic depression. Young children may suffer from nocturnal enuresis and insomnia.

Older children of alcoholics may have symptoms such as excessive shyness, lack of communication, antisocial behavior, and conflict with the law. The stressful environment at home interferes with their studies and learning, school performance decreases, and difficulties appear in establishing relationships with teachers and classmates. Adult children of alcoholics often adopt the behavior of their parents. Many of them have prolonged depression, aggressive, have a strong sense of dissatisfaction with themselves, which leads to the abuse of various psychoactive substances and alcohol. Often experienced family responsibility issues just as their alcoholic parent did not show responsibility for their children.

Alcoholism also has a negative effect on the spouse of an alcoholic. A non-drinking spouse may develop feelings of hatred, self-pity, withdrawal and avoidance of social contact, emotional exhaustion and psychological illness. Alcoholism is also one of the main causes of divorce.

Doctors and psychologists know that spouses and children can contribute to a drinker's habit and thus exacerbate family problems. In some families, drunkenness and short-term binges are permissible. Denial of this fact is a significant problem for alcoholics and their families.

Family members of an alcoholic very often become dependent on the drinker. This codependency is an unconscious addiction to the abnormal behavior of another person. Most alcoholics go through periods when they reduce their alcohol intake or stop drinking for a certain amount of time, creating an illusion that the person is not an alcoholic. Co-dependent family members usually try their best to hide the problem, maintain the prestige of the family, and project the image of the “ideal family”. At the same time, often forgetting about their own needs and desires, devoting their lives to the possible control or treatment of the drinker.

Families of alcoholics need therapy and psychological help just as much as the treatment of the drinker. The main goal of family therapy is to help family members realize that they are not responsible for the problems of the family drinker and that their recovery does not depend on the treatment of the alcoholic. Treatment and rehabilitation are complex and often lengthy processes. Even if a drinking person, in the end, can stop drinking alcohol and quickly recover, then his family, which has been negatively affected for a long time, cannot always successfully recover from the psycho-emotional trauma on its own.

Introduction

Alcoholic (dysfunctional) families are the breeding ground for the development of addictions and various problems, in the occurrence of which traumatic childhood events are important. Therefore, dysfunctional families are called unhealthy, and functional families are called healthy. A comparison of healthy and unhealthy families was carried out by us earlier. A special case of a dysfunctional family is a family in which one parent is alcoholic, and the other parent suffers from codependency. On the example of such families, let us consider the features of the emotional development of children.

EMOTIONAL COORDINATE SYSTEM OF A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

Grow up, growing up is hard. Growing up in an alcoholic home can be unbearably difficult. Millions of adult men and women grew up in families where life was controlled by alcohol. Millions of children still live in such families, if it can be called life. My experience with children with alcoholism makes me agree with the opinion of Cermak T.L., who compared the psychological trauma of children in these families with the traumatic experience of war veterans, known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This syndrome occurs in war veterans when they begin to adjust to civilian life after the war. Children with alcoholism endure stress comparable to the loss of a loved one.

B.E. Robinson compared the alcoholic family to a psychological battlefield. Children are often forced to choose which side to fight on - on the side of mom or dad. Sometimes the front line is between parents and children.

It often happens that it is easier for a child to get along with a drinking parent and more difficult with a sober co-dependent parent. Codependent parents are often irritated and tired of this battle. They are anxious, nervous, experiencing tension due to the behavior of the spouse. Unconsciously, parents transmit these feelings to their children. The slightest offense of children is enough for a co-dependent parent to become irritated, upset, sad.

Some parents try to suppress and hide their true feelings from their children. Inevitably, this leads to an explosion of negative feelings. Children do not understand these manifestations of emotions. Eight-year-old Tolik reported with bewilderment: "But our mother is always swearing."

Co-dependent parents are desperately fighting to ensure that everything is normal in the family. They are so engrossed in putting their house in order that it drains all their psychic energy and one spark is enough to make another explosion happen. Then they can demonstrate an indifferent attitude towards children: "Do what you want, just leave me alone." All attention is absorbed by a patient with alcoholism, the whole life in the house revolves around him, around his problems. And children feel neglected, unwanted, unloved.

FORMATION OF THE EMOTIONAL SPHERE OF THE CHILD

Low self-esteem

The child has a feeling dignity, its value, giftedness and uniqueness develops only on the condition that parents give it as much attention as the child needs. The attention that the sons and daughters of alcoholic parents received was mixed with toxic emotions. The child is little praised and much criticized. Words and hints are interpreted by the child as negative self-images.

I am not a very important person.

I constantly get under my feet.

I bring problems and difficulties to others.

I am not attractive (en).

I am very noisy or quiet or clumsy (whatever).

· I'm not smart, I'm stupid.

· I can't do anything right.

I can't be trusted with anything.

· I am selfish and demand too much.

· They don't like me.

· I am unwanted, unnecessary.

Even one or two such beliefs are enough for a child to develop low self-esteem, since these messages come from the most significant persons - parents or persons replacing them.

Mistakes

In healthy, functional families, mistakes are allowed. Overcoming mistakes helps growth and development. Family members encourage both adults and children to explore unfamiliar aspects of life. All family members take responsibility for their actions.

AT healthy families children develop a sense of belonging to the family, as they feel positive cohesion, close attachment of family members to each other. And at the same time, in a healthy family, individual differences are respected and valued.

Children of alcoholics see themselves through the cloudy glass of the parental view of the world. Mistakes in the alcoholic family are simply forbidden. Alcohol undermines and dissolves the self-respect of a person, all family members. Children don't know if they have ground under their feet. They cannot stand firmly on their own two feet because their roots (family of origin) are sick and weak.

Uncertainty not only about tomorrow, but also about what will happen tonight, makes little sentinels out of children. Children need to stand guard to be ready to meet the challenge and protect themselves. They fight bravely to overcome a problem that is basically insurmountable. The unpredictability of events in the family is the only constant and predictable characteristic of such families.

In alcoholic families, if there is cohesion, it is negative cohesion, mixed with criticism, violence, inconstancy, denial and excessive stress. Survival is possible there, but at what cost? Survival replaces life, growth and development. Survival is not life. The child's personal growth stops. There is a fixation on their feelings of inadequacy, humiliation.

Completion of cases

In healthy families, parents constantly pay attention to the work that the child does and completes. At the same time, parents' expectations are realistic, praise and support are constant. Parents give a sense of leadership to the child's life and at the same time allow him to feel like an independent person.

In alcoholic families, the completed cases of the child receive recognition and praise depending on the mood of the parents and on the state of the alcoholic parent. Criticism is constant, not encouragement. Together with alcohol vapors in the house, possible insults, violence - physical, emotional, sexual - hang in the air. Expectations are determined by the level of alcohol in the blood of a sick family member.

Negation

The family ignores alcoholism and considers just such irresponsible behavior of an alcoholic to be acceptable. Denial as a form of psychological defense helps to cope with pain. "Family Secret" is protected by masks and carefully chosen words in conversation. And while it helps the family survive, at the same time, denial keeps alcoholism alive for a long time.

A co-dependent, i.e., a sober parent, pretends to the children that nothing special is happening and insists that the children perceive reality in this way. “Oh, your father is not an alcoholic. He just works hard and allows himself to relax.”

The parent denies what the child sees with his own eyes. The child is confused, he begins to distrust reality. Children are forced to suppress their suspicions and minimize their feelings about the drinking parent: “If mom said so, then everything is not as bad as I thought.” Until the age of nine, children predominantly perceive the world through the eyes of their parents. They doubt and deny their own perceptions. Then they get used to lying to their peers, to deny what is happening in the family.

Outwardly, on the visible stage, the children appear to be normal. Boys and girls try to be what their parents think they should be - a sign, a hallmark of the non-existent well-being of the family. Such families are called facade. Outside everything is fine, but inside a nightmare. Hell is becoming a familiar situation.

Anger

Anger is the most common emotion in children, arising as a reaction to a parent's alcoholism. The expression, the manifestation of anger is usually forbidden to children, although adults allow themselves to be angry. True, adults rarely serve as healthy models for expressing anger. And the child has no one to learn this from. The child knows that it is wrong to be angry, it is wrong. He often hides his anger behind a fake smile. Later, this can lead to poverty of feelings. As E. Fromm wrote, “At first, the child refuses to express his feelings, and in the end, the feelings themselves” (p. 203). .

Anger in a child can arise for a number of reasons. This is the parents' refusal to support the child during an argument, betrayal, double messages ("I love you. Get out of here, don't get in the way.") Often parents do not keep their promises. If one parent shows cruelty to the child, and the second sees this and does not protect, then the child perceives the situation as a betrayal. A drunk parent can break toys or ruin other things that are dear to the child. The child may react to the destruction of his property with anger and even rage. Beneath these feelings lie pain, sadness, the bitterness of existence.

depression

Children of alcoholics are significantly more likely to describe their childhood as unhappy compared to children of non-alcoholic parents. In adulthood, they are twice as likely to suffer from depression than children of non-alcoholic parents. Depression is a lifelong legacy, although it often occurs only intermittently. Good news is that not all adult children suffer from depression. Clearly, children whose parents are treated for alcoholism and achieve long-term abstinence from alcohol feel better.

Fear

Fear, bad forebodings are also habitual feelings. The unpredictability of parental expectations and reactions creates a palpable fear of the unknown. Will father come sober today? Will mom yell at dad? Why will I be scolded today?

The fear of parental anger almost does not go away in children. Anger in alcoholic families is generally beyond understanding, it is meaningless and constant. All the time someone is yelling at someone, and someone is blaming someone. Sometimes family members hit each other.

Looking at all this, the child learns to avoid confrontations so as not to add anything to the constantly boiling cauldron.

Guilt

Children in alcoholic families often feel guilty and responsible for a parent's drinking. Some even believe that because of him, the child, the parent drinks. “If I were a good girl, dad would not drink,” said five-year-old Anya. She thought that if she tried hard and finally became a "good girl", then the drinking would end. So she nurtured her hope. It saved her from despair. Often children think that they are able to keep a parent from drinking.

As adults, children continue to experience guilt almost constantly. This feeling easily arises in a variety of circumstances. If someone accuses them, they willingly accept the blame at their own expense. Adult children of alcoholics walk into a doctor's or boss's office with "Excuse me" already on their lips.

Some adults feel guilty because they thought in childhood: “It would be better if my father died, then all this would immediately stop.” Some feel guilty about what they did, maybe hit a parent. Feelings of guilt can replace feelings of anger. And that guilt is lighter than anger?

In the chaotic home of an alcoholic, there is little that is reliable, safe, or controllable. Mom and dad can't be trusted. Daily life is unpredictable, painful feelings are repressed and suppressed. Children in alcoholic families spend a lot of energy just to be, to exist, to survive.

Confusion and isolation

Ten-year-old Misha often complained to the school psychologist that the guys made fun of his father when they saw him drunk. This was very embarrassing for Misha. Therefore, he did not play with the guys, isolated himself from his peers just at the time when they became a close friendly company. Misha's ability to make friends was limited. Only Petya understood him, because Petya's father was also an alcoholic.

A common story with children with alcoholism. Children hide the drunkenness of their father or mother, avoid inviting friends to their house. Natasha's father once came to school drunk. He fell in front of the entire class. The boys giggled and watched him with interest. Natasha was very embarrassed, she became so shy that she spoke in a whisper. She was very ashamed of her father. She withdrew, did not make friends with anyone.

Many children in such families build invisible walls around themselves, live more in dreams and fantasies than in the real world. It's like they encapsulate their feelings and don't open that capsule until they're in their thirties or forties.

grief, loss

The question arises: “Can the children of alcoholics with such a difficult emotional experience become the complete opposite of their parents? Can they build a functional family?"

Anton Petrovich, 34, said: “Because I grew up in an alcoholic family, I wanted to be completely different from my parents. I passionately wanted to have my own healthy family, perhaps because I never had one. I never felt like part of my family. This is what I wanted the most. If I lived in a normal family, it probably wouldn't be so important to me."

Grief in children with alcoholism can manifest itself at different levels. The absence of a normal family in a child can give a feeling of loss, grief, a lost childhood. In the future, this feeling may visit a person from time to time. Remember the words of A.P. Chekhov: “I didn’t have a childhood as a child”? The loss of a carefree, joyful childhood can be the cause of mourning, a 5-stage psychological process described by E. Kubler-Ross.

Before puberty, the process of mourning for the loss of a parent, physical or psychological loss (“the father drowned in wine”), is not clearly realized by the child. Then this feeling prevents the development of identity in a teenager, awareness of himself as a unique person with a sense of dignity and worth. An unresolved feeling of grief, loss can overshadow life and interfere with building your family.

POISONOUS MESSAGES FROM THE LAND OF CHILDHOOD

With what ideas about themselves do children with alcoholism enter adulthood?

They learned at least four toxic messages:

1. I can't do anything right;

2. I can't think right;

3. I can't trust anyone but myself;

4. I should not feel or express my feelings.

THE BEGINNING OF RECOVERY

Psychotherapy of adult children of alcoholic parents may begin with a discussion of the feelings that a person experienced in childhood and that he is experiencing now. Previously, they rarely managed to express what they feel in a confidential, confidential atmosphere. Adult children of alcoholic parents can be offered the following exercise at one of the initial therapy sessions. This is just the beginning. The therapy is long. The results can be positive and significant.

Exercise "Revisiting Past Experience"

Read the list below.

You begin to recover when you appreciate all your past experiences. Perhaps in the past you have had emotional deprivation - certain feelings prevailed and did not allow others to break through. Emotional deprivation delays the growth of personality.

Relax. Get yourself comfortable. Read the list below and ask yourself for each item: "Have I experienced the fear of rejection?" “Did I have difficulty reaching close relationships?” Check the box for experiences that are relevant to your past life. You will find that some of the above apply to you and some do not. You don't just have to feel guilty. If some feelings, experiences, problems that are important to you are not included in the list, just add them.

Fear of rejection

Difficulty in achieving close relationships (intimacy)

Mistrust

tension

Sharp mood swings

Low self-esteem, lack of self-respect

Bulimia (binge eating) Anorexia nervosa (refusal to eat)

Alcoholism in yourself or those close to you who are important to you

Lie to yourself

Addiction to experiencing elation, excitement

Addiction

Casual sexual relations or other sexual misconduct

Self-Violence or Observation of Violence by Significant Loved Ones

Excessive responsibility or excessive irresponsibility

Excessive reactions to something or excessive indifference

Impulsiveness

Tendency to criticize and judge others

Inability to relax

The need to control others

The need to receive praise and support, approval

Compulsive (almost violent) behavior in oneself or in significant loved ones (overeating, striving for super-achievement at any cost, smoking, substance abuse).

Now you are more aware of some of your psychological characteristics that can create problems in your life.

Being aware of your problems is a very important part of healing.

The opportunity to discuss some of these problems in a group therapy setting brings relief and hope for healing.

Bibliography

1. Moskalenko V.D. Adult children of addicts - a group of multiple risk // Mental health. - 2006, No. 5(5). – P.61-67.

2. Fromm E. Escape from freedom. / M.: "Progress". - 1990. 271 p.

3. Black C. Children of alcoholics as Youngsters- Adolescents - Adults / New York: Ballantine Books. - 1981. - 203 p.

4 Robinson B.E. Working with Children of Alcoholics. D.C. Health and Company/ Lexington, Massachusetts/ Toronto: Lexington Books. - 1989. - 253 P.

5. Cermak T.L. A primer on adult children of alcoholics. Pompano Beach, Florida: Health Communications. - 1985.

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Alcohol and family are incompatible

What is a family? Downtrodden truth: - this is the cell of society. Despite the banality of these words, their correctness is undeniable. The family is a transitional segment from individualism to society - society. In the family circle, the foundations of human behavior in a large society are laid, and there is nothing worse than disrupting this process.

But what is alcohol? Wine, vodka and other alcoholic drinks are the fuel for the mechanism that destroys families. Someone can refer to the centuries-old Russian traditions, which are based on wine drinking. This is the most common misconception! No, to deny that a Russian person has been drinking alcohol since ancient times is simply stupid, but you should know that only in the last century and a half, a paradigm about the need for drinking was introduced into the consciousness of a Russian person.

The effect of alcohol on the family

Alcohol destroys families - you won't have to look for confirmation of this fact for a long time. Look around! In your environment there is at least one family that has broken up or is on the verge of breaking up! Someone will try to object: “I drink, and everything is fine in our family!”.

Think about it - is it really so? When you come home "under the fly", do you catch the condemning look of your spouse on yourself? Without a doubt, that's the way it is. And if a woman in the family drinks? Your spouse and mother of your children? It's quite a disaster!

Any doubts about the destructive effect of alcohol on the family are meaningless. The fact of the destruction of the family by alcohol is confirmed by history. Read the classics of Russian literature, especially M. Gorky - their works reflect all the horror that happens in a family where alcoholism flourishes.

Alcohol, family and children

The breakup of a family due to alcohol is scary in itself, but the change in the psyche of children due to an alcoholic in the family is even worse. A drinking parent sets an example for his children, by his behavior laying in them a matrix of behavior for the rest of his life. This matrix is ​​based on the dominance of one's own interests over the interests of the family and society. In the child's subconscious, the notion is postponed that the behavior of a drunk person is the norm, the use of alcohol is the norm. In fact, a trigger mechanism is being laid for the alcoholization of a teenager.

It's even scarier if parents allow their children to drink alcohol, even if it's in a half-joking way. Alcohol for children is a taboo! No wonder children are considered adults from the age of 18, and in some countries the use of alcohol is allowed only after reaching the age of 21.

In addition to the fact that alcohol destroys the physical health of the child, it clearly leads to the deformation of the psyche of children. An alcoholic teenager in the family is like a time bomb - no one knows what to expect from him in the next moment. One has only to re-read the criminal report - it comes down to the murder of parents by children on the background of alcohol intoxication.

From all that has been said, one simple conclusion follows: "Alcohol and the family are incompatible." And if you hear words trying to refute this statement, know that this person is simply looking for an excuse for his weakness!

The problem of alcoholism in the family

Dependence on alcoholic beverages is a serious pathology, and not just weak will or a bad habit. Alcoholism affects all spheres of a person's life, the use of large doses of alcohol determines his physical condition, affects the mental sphere - behavior in the family and society as a whole.

Pathological addiction to alcoholic beverages develops faster than the person himself has time to realize, and becomes a dominant - the main need that subjugates all areas of activity. Gradually, a person loses interest in other activities, stops communicating with people who are not able to support his new interests. Personality changes that inevitably accompany an addict lead to a loss of control over their emotions, motivation to take care of themselves, work and other activities familiar to an ordinary person.

Minor lifestyle changes in the initial stages of alcoholism may go unnoticed, but soon relatives notice strange behavior and begin to suspect the development of alcohol dependence. Despite the denial of the problem by the patient himself, his relatives must decide on the organization of treatment in a specialized institution. It is also important to understand that the close environment of the addict falls under severe psychological influence, relatives are in constant stress and may even become codependent.

The origin of the problem of alcoholism

Although the onset of each individual's history of alcohol abuse depends on personal factors, and the development of addiction may be physiological, psychological, or social, there are a number of common causes pathological craving for alcohol.

It has been proven that the main purpose of drinking alcohol is relaxation and pleasure. The psychotropic effect of ethanol plays a decisive role in the choice of leisure activities.

It is also important to take into account historical features nationalities. In Slavic countries, alcoholic beverages have long been considered a companion of a good life, wealth, and success. Celebrations of victories and attempts to console themselves in grief are not complete without wine or stronger types of alcohol.

Alcohol in Russia is drunk at all times - for courage, out of boredom, in the capital and outside the city, men and women. Thus, social trends have been formed for the development of a culture of drinking, which continue to pass from generation to generation. Family values ​​are also great importance- the attitude to alcohol is laid down in childhood, and the child subconsciously tries to copy the behavior of his parents.

Psychological prerequisites for the beginning of abuse include inferiority of the personality, the need for attention to oneself, the desire to escape from reality and get the missing emotions. the easy way. More often drink people who are prone to feelings and anxiety, with a labile nervous system, lack of willpower and a whole set of internal complexes.

Physiological causes are due to the direct effect of alcohol on the human body, its ability to cause addiction. Also, the physiological component is characterized by the peculiarities of the work of enzymatic systems, toxin elimination organs, individual reactions and aggravated heredity in the matter. rapid development alcoholism.

Correct family values ​​and a good environment protect against addiction, however, phenomena of pathological addiction to alcohol can occur even among people from wealthy families. It is important for relatives to respond to the problem in time, not to encourage or forgive episodes of abuse, not to succumb to the temptation to join - cases of the formation of family alcoholism are no longer considered a rarity.

Spread of craving for alcohol

The illness of a loved one is always stressful for the whole family. Native people fall under the influence of all the negative manifestations of alcohol addiction, so they are in a constant state of stress. In addition to moral and emotional reactions, they receive physical manifestations of experiences - pressure drops, headaches, tremors of the limbs and other signs of overstrain. nervous system. The combination of these symptoms with increased anxiety or depression causes a desire to de-stress and relax. Many choose alcohol as a sedative - an example of the behavior of a dependent relative, especially in the early stages of alcoholism, can inspire the idea of ​​​​the beneficial effect of alcoholic beverages on mental and physical condition.

The development of dependence in relatives may appear as a result of sympathy - relatives want to become closer to the addict, while forgetting that the joint use of alcohol will be an encouragement for him to further development life-threatening habit.

Another one common cause development of family alcoholism is humility after many unsuccessful attempts to treat pathology with joint efforts.

However, if relatives usually succeed in not falling into the trap of abuse, then no one is immune from the formation of codependency.

codependency

The first feeling that causes a pathological condition in loved ones is empathy, sympathy, pity. Trying to help the patient with all their might, relatives fall into a kind of addiction, but not from alcohol, but from an alcoholic. Parents, spouses, children of the patient begin to build their lives around his problems, needs, consequences of regular binges. They are forced to control his actions, invest mental strength in attempts at treatment, constantly try new options for dealing with alcoholism. The usual family routine of life is completely changing, a completely new model of behavior appears.

Many people like to take on the role of a savior or even a martyr - they get sympathetic looks and remarks from people, increased attention to themselves, a reason for pity from others. The illness of a relative gives them the opportunity to express themselves, to feel needed, to feel power and indispensability.

This set of signs has also long been considered a pathology in psychology, which must be worked out in order to get rid of codependency.

Unhealthy family environment

The global problem caused by the presence of a dependent person is the creation of a negative intra-family microclimate. This situation leads to:

• - Health problems. New and exacerbated chronic diseases are emerging, the risks of developing oncological, autoimmune and other diseases are increasing. Alcohol impairs the reaction, so the likelihood of domestic injuries, traffic accidents and other accidents increases. Aggression of the addict can manifest itself in the form of violence, often family members suffer from such behavior.
• - Spiritual disorders. The cultural sphere is suffering, moral ideals and life values ​​are collapsing.
• - Psychological trauma. Alcoholics and codependents cannot build adequate human relationships based on trust, care, and respect. Often there are conflicts, there may be cases of psychological violence and the development of serious disorders - phobias, complexes, conditioned reflexes.
• - Socio-economic dysfunction. Unemployment of the breadwinner in the family, spending the last money on alcohol, poverty, falling to the social bottom - all this is often found in families dependent on alcohol.

However, such catastrophic consequences rarely lead to the breakup of families - women continue to live in hope for the healing of their spouse, and men often join in the abuse, forming family alcoholism.

Impact on children

It is known that in childhood the basis for further life in society is formed - the formation of character takes place, values ​​are instilled, the worldview is determined. If children are forced to live with alcohol addicts, the normal conditions for the development of their personality are violated. Despite their young age, they understand much more than their parents think.

The main consequences of the life of a child in the family of an alcoholic: