True love knows no boundaries and obstacles. A flap of Cupid's wings, arrows in two hearts, and the deed is done - a man and a woman are in love. But let's put aside romantic ideas about love and look at the essence of the matter in terms of dry statistics. Passion, love, fire in the eyes and languid sighs - all this passes with time. And there are quite "mundane" factors that affect the strength of relationships - for example, the age difference between partners. We will figure out with experts whether there is an ideal age interval at all that guarantees a strong, harmonious relationship between a man and a woman.
In the majority of created families, the man is 3 years older than the woman. This trend is observed in all countries of the world. And this is easy to explain - subconsciously a person is looking for an “equal” both in terms of social status and intellectual development. And here age plays a big role - life experience is gained, wisdom comes, worldview changes.
With each successive marriage, a man seeks a younger wife. “Gray hair - demon in the rib” - the saying clearly works. With age, there is a desire to see a “fresher” woman next to him.
But believe me, those unions where one of the partners is much older or younger than their chosen one are not uncommon today. And what will you think if you see such a couple - an overgrown man and a young girl? Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that an “unequal” marriage has no prospects, because it is built only on mercantile interests. And the statistics are relentless - unions where the age difference is too large break up much more often than those where the age of the spouses is not so noticeable. But love is love - there are pleasant exceptions!
Ideal formula: is there an optimal age difference?
Psychologists believe that the optimal age difference between a man and a woman to create a strong family is 5-6 years. At the same time, the “classic” of marriage is the situation when it is the spouse who is older.
A difference of 5-6 years is ideal in terms of the psycho-emotional development of the spouses. It turns out that he and she are on the same level - both have already gained life experience, there are relationships behind them, their decision to start a family is considered, there is a material base. All this is at least some guarantee of a long-term relationship. Sociological studies show that such couples have more children.
The Chinese sages came up with their own formula for an acceptable age difference between spouses. We take a calculator. The ideal bride is selected according to such mathematical calculations - the man's age is divided by 2, and 7 is added to the result. For example, if a man is 30 years old, then his chosen one should be 22 years old. Pay attention - with such calculations it turns out that the older the man, the younger his "ideal" woman. East is a delicate matter.
Marriages between the same age - a classic in Soviet times. No wonder - in those years it was considered “right” for everyone to be equal, and the slightest deviations from the “norms” caused criticism among those around them. The outstanding difference between a man and a woman was not welcomed - either in personal or in social life. That is why the age of the spouses was approximately the same - it was accepted that way.
Marriages between peers tend to be early marriages. More often, young people get to know each other in high school or at the institute, and then decide to start a family. "Equal" unions have a lot of advantages: common interests and friends, a similar lifestyle and life values. It turns out that he and she are on an equal footing and at an equal speed dragging luggage family life.
But spouses of the same age cannot do without problems - they can quickly get bored with each other. If the marriage is early, problems will certainly arise against the backdrop of a lack of finances. The couple does not have a more experienced partner who is ready to extinguish storms in a relationship - and this threatens with rash acts, squabbles, betrayals.
Statistics show that in a family where spouses are of the same age, betrayal occurs more often - especially if the marriage was concluded too early. There are several reasons - one of the partners is looking for support and consolation on the side, as well as banal curiosity due to insufficient sexual experience.
A man is older than his life partner - a classic of love relationships. But it is one thing when the difference is not very noticeable (3-5 years), and quite another when the misalliance is striking.
Mature men looking for young wives are quite understandable. She is not burdened with children, which reduces the "financial investment" in family life. She does not have a rich experience in sexual relations - you can try yourself in the role of a "teacher". And a young body is more pleasant to hug. But men do not always pursue “mercantile goals” - love still wins more often.
For 10-15 years
Society is tolerant of marriages where the husband is 10-15 years older than his wife - stereotypes no longer dominate. And relationships can be quite strong!
The man has already managed to build a career, does not depend on the opinions of his friends and relatives in relation to his personal life. He approaches the creation of a family responsibly - without unnecessary emotions, with an understanding of female psychology, without stupid mistakes. Paired with such a difference in age, there are few quarrels - the spouse has experience in relationships, he is tolerant of the shortcomings of the second half and is able to resolve emerging conflicts without unnecessary losses. The woman in the couple is also quite happy - the chosen one fully supports her, there is a material basis for self-development, "mature" pleasure in bed.
For 20 years or more
Several centuries ago, the situation when girls were given in marriage to someone who was suitable for her father was the norm. Now it only causes condemnation of the society. Only when looking at such a pair, the thought immediately arises that this is a calculation. Well, how can a young lady live with an elderly man? What is love?
In fact, such a union can be “convenient” for both her and him - a woman admires an experienced partner who knows life, and a man enjoys a cheerful laughter and seems to be fueled by her energy, trying on the role of a guardian.
But here it is important to understand that some 10-15 years of marriage - and a man with a slight gray hair at the temples will turn into an old man. And the spouse will still be in full bloom - there is a risk of betrayal. A girl should leave her dreams of 3-4 children in the family - the years take their toll, and with the lifestyle of many men, the chances of conception decrease. And it's not just about physiology - by the age of 40, a man probably already has children from previous marriages. Should he carry a few more children on his elderly shoulders?
Scientists have come to the conclusion that marriages, where there is such a big difference in age, can shorten the life of both spouses. And all because of the stress experienced by a man and a woman - after all, they live among human gossip and gossip, public condemnation. And this negatively affects the state of health! On the other hand, a man living with a young wife suddenly begins to get younger - he seems to “drink” her youth. But a woman, on the contrary, quickly fades - subconsciously she tries to match the age of the chosen one.
It has always been believed that when a woman is older in a couple, this is not normal. Even now, in times of free morals, this often causes the condemnation of society. And very in vain - statistics show that such marriages are quite strong.
If a woman is 5-7 years older than her chosen one, such a difference is almost imperceptible - especially when both partners are over 30 years old. The couple can be called ideal - the spouses walk hand in hand along the path of family life. A woman is somewhat wiser, she has experience - she gently guides her husband to great accomplishments. Strong union! In addition, in order to match her young spouse, a woman is “younger” - she takes care of herself, follows the rules healthy lifestyle life. Both are satisfied.
And what tests will the couple have to overcome if the woman is much older than her chosen one?
For 10 years
Such marriages are rare. And this is easy to explain - most men at any age are looking for partners younger than themselves. Nothing can be done, this is nature - the "male" proves to himself personally and to the whole world that he is "hoo" and can conquer the youngest and sexiest. Aging ladies, of course, do not cause a stir among young guys.
Many couples, where a woman is 10-15 years older than a man, manage to build harmonious love relationship. Some men are quite satisfied with the role of a slave in a couple - they admire a more mature woman, listen to her advice. A woman feels needed and loved.
But problems cannot be avoided. The wife often becomes overly suspicious, jealous and suspicious - there are many young rivals around who can take the chosen one away. No wonder this is a cause for concern. And with age, it becomes more and more difficult to mask wrinkles - you can’t get away from nature. Either a man puts up with the “shortcomings” of a woman, loving her immensely, or sooner or later he goes in search of a younger wife.
For 20 years and more
Every woman wants to feel attractive and desirable. This is what drives a lady when she finds a partner much younger than herself. Such a couple is a vivid example of the mother-son relationship. A woman takes care of a young man, often provides him financially.
A mature, interesting lady is quite capable of turning the head of a young guy. But such an alliance will obviously not be long - a man, having gained experience (to a greater extent - sexual), will soon go to the same age. And if a young gentleman lingers in the arms of an aging madam, then most likely it is either an Oedipus complex or a mercenary interest. Naturally, neither one nor the other will contribute to a happy, strong union.
The optimal age difference between lovers is a very subjective concept. And in each case, you can find both advantages and disadvantages. Take them as a warning possible problems in a relationship, not as a clear guide to choosing a partner. Let's not forget about the power of love, which all ages are submissive!
- "I'm the happiest person in the world! The age difference is 21 years, and it sounds rather scandalous. I graduated from high school and went to college, now I have a stable job. At the beginning of our romance, I felt like a ghost in his house: he was busy at work, constantly talking on the phone ... I didn’t know how to distract him from this. Now he postpones all conversations for later, and I no longer feel like I'm on the outskirts of his world. I stopped communicating with my parents, they don’t understand me,” Alla, 25 years old.
- “It's like any other long-term relationship. With the difference that he is less assertive in sex than younger men. And much more passionate! At first I doubted a lot, but now I understand that it was the right decision. No one looks down on us, we are a great couple, always holding hands and having fun. Some men try to convince me that my partner is manipulating me because of the age difference, but this is nonsense. Mom was not too happy, because I hid our relationship to the last. But now they get along great. Our age difference is 12 years,” Nadezhda, 30.
- “Now everything seems beautiful and romantic. But couples with a difference in age have always seemed strange to me. Then I was 18 years old and he was 28. Sometimes he manipulated me because I was very young, and he seemed so grown up!” — Elena, 31 years old.
- “I realized a long time ago that although I like older men, because they are smart, relaxed, interesting, they do not see me as a suitable partner. They see only mine young face and figure, what is important in the sex market. Realizing this, I stopped meeting such people. If I had a time machine, I would warn a younger version of myself that they only see what is outside.” — Olga, 28
- “He is 11 years older. Once I got bored, because we have different interests and sometimes there is nothing to talk about. We exchanged questions, “How was your day?” and “Did you watch that show?”… We also had different schedules, it was uncomfortable,” Yana, 32 years old.
- “He is 30 years older, we have been together for nine years. I noticed that he often does not allow me to do something, but I am an adult and have the right to communicate, drink wine and meet people. He doesn't pay attention. We don’t quarrel over trifles, in difficult cases we sit down and talk,” Albina, 28 years old.
- “He often says that I am wrong, because he is 12 years younger. And he is older and smarter, and one day I will understand ... In general, older men often try to command and manipulate, ”Vlada, 29 years old.
- “I’m 25, he’s 48. We don’t match in temperament, he doesn’t need anything. And I like sex several times a week. We meet somewhere in the middle. We sleep in different rooms, ”Elizaveta.
What does the age difference between spouses mean? What kind of relationship does she promise?
According to the Avestan astrological tradition (Avesta is the sacred book of the ancient Iranians) New Year begins on March 21, when the Sun enters the sign of Aries.
Therefore, if one partner was born before March 21 of any year, and the other after March 21, the difference in the years of both partners should be reduced by one year. If both partners were born after March 21, then the age difference is established by simply subtracting the years lived.
It is customary to round the difference to a year if it is not more than three months, i.e. 1 year and 10 months is 2 years, but 2 years and 8 months is still 2 years, and so on.
Age difference 1 year- Establish strong business relationships. Such a partnership helps to strengthen the financial situation. It is good to enter into such a marriage by calculation.
Age difference 2 years- gives an illusory form of connection. Marriage can only exist on a spiritual basis and community of interests. In the case of a simple emotional attachment, the initial attraction later often turns into dislike, and the marriage may fall apart.
Age difference 3 years- leads to very tense relationships built on struggle and rivalry. This couple's relationship is often on the verge, in the balance. In addition, one of the partners usually bears heavy load trials, temptations, he is often ready to slander his other half.
Age difference 4 years- gives many chances for a more or less harmonious marriage, built on friendship, mutual assistance, cooperation. But, alas, time can change attitudes for the worse.
Age difference 5 and 10 years This is not a random meeting. There is a karmic connection between partners that requires working off mutual debts. Karma keeps them close to each other; they must go through life in one direction, but at the same time one of them must be the leader, the other the follower.
Age difference 6 and 9 years- gives a very heavy form of relationship. In this union, tests, struggle, intrigues, intrigues from the closest relatives are inevitable. Such an alliance is good for people in whom a quiet family life is boring, for thrill-seekers.
Age difference 7 and 14 years- gives the most mysterious relationship of partners. In family life - solid secrets, misunderstanding, inability to agree. Someone from the outside will constantly interfere in marital relations. Possible manifestations of the evil eye, damage. Such a connection is unpredictable and it is not known what it can lead to: either to rebirth, or to an internal breakdown. Such alliances are good for a secret love affair.
Age difference 8 years- gives spiritual comfort and the most harmonious form of marriage. The union of partners is based on deep affection and mutual assistance. The stability of relations, confidence in each other help to reveal their creativity. And this further contributes to the creation of a happy and prosperous marriage.
Age difference 11 years- leads to the most unpredictable consequences. Relationships develop between partners like: “all or nothing!” Constant changes are possible, a stubborn struggle for leadership, incessant criticism of each other. There is one good feature in this marriage - an irreconcilable couple can start all over again at any time.
Age difference 12 years- huge difficulties in mutual understanding and interaction of partners, leading to a very large unreliability of marriage. The union can start well, and then fall apart with a bang. He is strange and ambivalent. One of the partners usually always interferes with the development of the other. The consequences of such an alliance can be the most difficult and terrible (up to murder).
Age difference 13 years- leads to interference in the relationship of partners of supernatural forces. The relationship is clear, predictable, missionary, leading to spiritual rebirth, transformation of consciousness, clarification. This is a "path to heaven", a road to spiritual heights or ... a "path of death", that is, degradation.
Today unequal marriages no longer surprise anyone. And both in that and in the other direction. How does a big difference in the age of spouses affect family life? And what should it be like in order to guarantee an idyll in family relationships.
peers
At first glance, it is marriages between peers that should be the most prosperous. Still, common interests, a common circle of friends, approximately the same life experience and future prospects work to rally. However, not everything is so rosy.
To begin with, peer couples most often meet in early marriages - 19-23 years old. And at this age, spouses are usually not yet ready to adapt to each other. Not enough wisdom, flexibility in relationships.
In addition, the mismatch of sexual interests often affects. Experts say that a woman's true sensuality wakes up only by the age of 30, while for the stronger sex this very peak falls exactly at 21 - 25 years.
Perhaps it is for these reasons that 53 percent of marriages entered into by young peers fall apart.
In addition, some believe that it is men who are married to the same age who most often tend to change their companions in the ill-fated midlife crisis.
Peer-to-peer marriages are more likely to find harmony when people meet already at an adult age, with the necessary life experience and baggage.
Wife older than husband
Recently, such marriages are perceived by the public much more calmly. Moreover, as experts assure, they have many advantages.
To begin with, in purely sexual terms, it is easier for a 20-year-old man to coincide with a woman who is 5-6 years older than him than with his peer.
The heyday of female sexuality falls on the period from 30 to 45 years, and for some it lasts up to 50. In the stronger sex, as studies show, by the age of 35-40 a period of steadily high sexuality begins, and after 45 it slowly goes to decline. So it turns out that according to the sexual hours, adult women are the best fit for young men.
True, with age, the significance of sexual relations for the wife will fade into the background.
But usually by this time the spouses have other points of contact that keep them close to each other. After all, in the end, people who match not only in bed venture into such relationships.
Older women often fall in love with notorious and insecure young guys who grew up under the care of their mothers and grandmothers. They do not know how to express themselves through "real masculine actions" (well, there is a fight over girls, active courtship). And therefore they are not popular with their peers.
The wives of such men most often do not fully satisfy the instinct of motherhood. Or she doesn't have kids of her own. Or her children have already matured and do not need mother's care.
Such a union can last quite a long time if the husband-boy one day does not suddenly grow up or, for some reason, does not begin to be burdened by excessive guardianship.
They tend to fall in love with mature women and romantic natures, to whom such women seem to be the embodiment of the female ideal - well-groomed, educated, tender and romantic. It is these novels that usually drag on for a long time and then safely develop into marriage.
As a rule, women who are able to seriously captivate men younger than themselves are outstanding personalities, and next to them a young man matures quite quickly, gaining self-confidence and life wisdom.
So in psychological terms, such a relationship can benefit both. If only a woman is smart enough not to behave, her husband, as with an unreasonable baby. Because even if he married adult woman due to the fact that he needs a wife of a maternal type, from such treatment he will still soon rebel.
Husband is older than wife
But still, it is considered the most acceptable when a man is older than his chosen one. True, recently marriages have come into fashion in which the husband is almost like the father of his missus.
From the point of view of specialists, there is nothing unnatural in the desire of men to marry young people.
Women are attracted to older men because, firstly, they are wealthier and more successful than their peers. And women, again, by nature itself, are prescribed to “be led” by such representatives of the stronger sex.
Secondly, very often girls who grew up without a father or simply did not receive fatherly love fall in love with men much older than themselves.
Girls who are accustomed to constant parental care, having matured, will also fall in love with men older than themselves, who will become for her a parent and husband, which is called in one bottle. And if a man likes a father-daughter relationship, family harmony is ensured for this couple. He can always feel like the undisputed head of the family. She will never challenge his leadership.
Some women choose men much older than themselves, thus trying to raise their self-esteem. As a rule, these are girls with a deep inferiority complex, who were not praised enough in the family.
Next to a man who is 20 or more years older than her, ready to admire his young wife, she can finally feel like a queen.
So, whatever one may say, but unequal barges are fraught with many positive aspects. Although, of course, there are pitfalls.
In unequal barges, experts assure, those who are younger age faster. Especially a woman. But she still needs feelings. And if any Don Juan appears on the way of such a woman, then it is possible that fidelity to her husband will be finished.
Here, count
So what is the optimal age difference between spouses? There is no consensus on this matter.
Some experts believe that for a sustainable long-term relationship, the difference in the age of the spouses should be about 5-7 years.
Other scientists even offer a formula for calculating an ideal marriage: “husband’s age: 2 + 7 = wife’s age.” That is, if a man is 40 years old, we divide by 2 - it turns out 20, then we add 7 and we get the age of his ideal wife: 27 years.
Astrologers propose to determine the compatibility of spouses by age based on the ancient Zoroastrian calendar. It does not matter at all which of the spouses is older. The main thing is how.
So, according to this system marriage between peers although it guarantees a prosperous union, many children, it does not always imply personal growth.
One year difference promises a marriage based on trust, mutual assistance, as well as a harmonious joint upbringing of children.
Two years - such marriages are usually romantic and sudden. Spouses are waiting for an endless series of ups and downs, a change of violent passion with periods of sharp cooling.
Union of spouses three year difference aged too emotional and will stand the test only if one of the partners is able to balance the relationship. Similar to him and marriage with a six year difference partners' ages. It will work out successfully only if both are ready to maintain a relationship. But in terms of revealing the creative potential of spouses, such a marriage is considered an ideal option.
Marriage where husband or wife four years older promises complete harmony. This is a marriage-friendship in which trusting relationships between spouses are maintained even after a divorce.
The difference between spouses at 5, 10 or 15 years old beautiful if they are united by common causes and interests.
Marriage with a difference between husband and wife is also considered extremely stable. at 7, 8 or 14 years old.
Nine year difference promises a difficult and conflict marriage, which, however, can stimulate creative potential lovers of sharpness in relationships. The eleven-year marriage, in which quarrels and reconciliations alternate, is similar to him.
With a twelve year difference at the age of marriage, success in marriage especially depends on the willingness of partners to make concessions.
Married thirteen years apart According to Zoroastrians, spirituality comes to the fore. Well a sixteen year difference aged, in their opinion, is the best union that combines the magic of all lucky numbers.
… However, the main condition for a happy life together is still love, the desire to give warmth and understanding to your chosen one. And then no difference in age will be a hindrance.
Once upon a time, unions in which the age difference between lovers was ten, fifteen, and even more so twenty years, caused surprise, if not outright condemnation.
But in the twenty-first century, we can safely talk about the trend - the number of unions with a significant age difference is growing.
Shot from the film "Sex and the City 2"
It is customary to think that such alliances are often involved in self-interest, on the social, career and financial ambitions of the parties, that these are alliances "without a future", without prospects, accompanied by a lot of difficulties.
However, as practice shows, many men and women most often look for traditional values, depth and quality of relationships in these unions. As a psychologist, having the opportunity to compare psychological problems in peer couples and couples with a significant age difference, I come to the conclusion that these unions have very good reasons.
And often marriages of different ages become more harmonious and happy, and most importantly, more stable than couples of the same age. Let's try to consider all the possible pros and cons, the strengths and weaknesses of such alliances. I want to make a reservation right away: we will talk about marriages concluded on the basis of mutual feelings, and not for any other reasons.
social side
Tilda Swinton and Sandro Kopp. The age difference of this couple is 18 years. They've been together since 2004
Children
A union in which a man is older is created, in addition to love and joy, as a rule, just for them and for them. Everything is ready: where to grow, what to grow. Most psychologists agree that the age of "conscious fatherhood", that is, the age at which a man really wants to have children, comes closer to forty.
Men who became fathers early, right after twenty, later admitted more than once at consultations: “Only when the child was already ten years old did I finally understand what it was like to be a father.”
Jason Statham is 20 years older than Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. In June of this year, their first child, son Jack Oscar, was born. Jason became a father at 50
In the union “a woman is older”, a man needs to be prepared for the fact that there may not be children. But, in the end, the family is not only children. First of all, it is the union of two loving people. It happens differently: in my practice, there were several cases when in such marriages, where women were over forty, children appeared. Interestingly, in such couples, a man also goes to fatherhood as consciously as possible, although he may still be relatively young. A late (for a woman) child is a responsible step, and is possible only if both spouses sincerely want to complete the family.
Sexuality
Also one of the strengths of such marriages. At least in the “older woman” option, this, as they say, is not in the top ten, but in the hundred. Most psychologists and sexologists have long agreed that the peaks of male and female sexual activity do not coincide by age. The heyday of a man falls on the interval of twenty-seven to thirty-seven years, the heyday of a woman - on forty-fifty.
This does not mean that before or after none of them is interested in sex, we are talking about mature sexuality in its prime.
After forty, a woman already has a very good idea of what she wants. Not burdened by the maternal function, she can afford to be the most relaxed, sincere and most comfortable in sex. And in this state, a young man is much more suitable for her.
In the variant when a man is older, both will be preoccupied with offspring and its cultivation for a long time - sex in such a marriage can be calm and comfortable, because neither a woman nor a man are at the peak of their abilities, but they will, again, pay tribute to love with equal interest. All problems begin only when a long joint path has been passed and one of the partners begins to lose vitality, and the second is still full of it. And here it is necessary to discuss what, according to many, is the “stumbling block” of such couples.
Aging
It is believed that aging with a peer is not scary - the same changes occur with both, people face the same type of problems. But this is only at first glance. A man, for example, in terms of sexuality, ages earlier. And in my practice there were many couples of the same age in which a woman suffered from this.
What exactly is so scary about aging? Diseases and loss of interest in sex, loss of external attractiveness. A younger partner willy-nilly will force the other to keep himself in good shape - by the very fact of his existence. Better yet, do it consciously: come up with common health measures, joint sports.
Hugh Jackman and Deborah-Lee Furness, for example, go downhill. Deborah is 13 years older than her husband
Loss of interest in sex is a problem more concerning "man older" couples. Yes, it will be extremely difficult for a sixty-year-old man to satisfy the needs of a forty-year-old woman. However, he who is warned is armed. It is worth visiting a specialist in advance and consulting how a man can maintain sexual function, how you can diversify your sex life.
The problem of loss of visual appeal may affect couples "older woman" more. Although sometimes here we are talking not so much about the loss of attractiveness, but about the experiences of the woman herself in this regard. Men, as a rule, love with their “eyes” only at first, then the emphasis shifts to tactile and olfactory sensations, which are associated for them with a “feeling of the native”. And in this context, two extra wrinkles on their beloved face are simply invisible to them.
Marriage to a man who is ten or more years older is -
Vote
In conclusion, I want to say one thing: in couples with a large age difference, there is a rare balance of power within the family. Partners give each other different information - after all, these are people from different generations, different opportunities, different points vision; they keep each other "in good shape", compensating for each other's shortcomings and shortcomings: if one is weak in something, the other is strong in this, and vice versa. And if all this is superimposed on mutual feelings, then such unions are sometimes more harmonious than pairs of peers. And one more thing: couples of different ages, as a rule, are made up of very brave people, because in our society it is still “not customary” to enter into such marriages. And if people know how to love no matter what - they already have something to respect.