Of course, a mechanical change of position, if there is no love and spiritual closeness between spouses, if a woman constantly remains unsatisfied, will not give anything.
No technical nuances can captivate a woman if her partner is unpleasant to her, if she is disgusted with sex, if there is no sincerity, goodwill, tenderness and warmth between spouses.
Spouses who know each other well instinctively feel the slightest changes in their relationship, and are able to restore family harmony with their attention and tenderness.
Do not overestimate the importance of positions of sexual intercourse. There are spouses who feel great in one position, since it is in it that the fullness of their sensations is maximum.
The main thing in intimate life is sexual harmony. And in what position both spouses reach orgasm, if he is a constant companion of every sexual intercourse, it does not matter.
"What do you wear at night?"
"Beloved man."
Brigitte Bardot
How to become a sex giant
Every woman dreams many times, but with one man; every man dreams many times, but with different women.
NN
Repeated sexual intercourse within one day is called sexual excess. Having mastered the technique of prolonged sexual intercourse according to the ancient Chinese method (see section " Chinese charter”), you will not only acquire the ability to sexual excesses, but will be able to feel everything every time more enjoyment from proximity.
If you can have several sexual intercourses per night, and your partner approves of this, then you can start preparing for repeated sexual intercourse even in the period of sexual non-excitability (refractory pause) after the first orgasm.
Normally, the period of sexual non-excitability is 20-30 minutes, but there may be different options - and a few minutes and a couple of hours. A woman's pause can be much shorter than a man's. And some women are able to experience several orgasms in a row, without a period of non-excitability.
Within a few minutes after the first orgasm of the partner, if she does not mind, you can resume caresses, gradually moving to her strongest erogenous zone. But be aware that it will take a longer period of stimulation than the first time. Immediately after sexual intercourse, the most important erogenous zones should not be stimulated. You need to start, as always, with general caresses.
Sexual arousal in a woman subsides much more slowly than in a man - within 10-20 minutes; even after an orgasm, there is still a certain level of arousal. If reinforced with additional caresses, then the excitation of the partner increases. When a woman again has a desire, you can switch to stimulation of the main erogenous zones.
After cunnilingus or manual clitoral stimulation for some time, touching the clitoris can be a little painful. In this case, you need to give your partner a little break from this type of stimulation, caressing other erogenous zones, and then resume the excitation of the clitoris, but very carefully, barely touching.
Usually view horny woman, ready for copulation, excites the man; accordingly, the refractory period will be shortened. The erogenous zones of a man will become excitable, a good erection will appear.
Being in a refractory pause, you can give your partner the opportunity to experience another orgasm while continuing clitoral caresses (oral, manual or vibrator), during which time the excitability of the man will be restored, and he will be able to proceed to sexual intercourse, but with mandatory stimulation of the clitoris. This is more effective than waiting for the entire refractory period - the time for sexual excess is reduced, which is important if the time for sexual intercourse is limited.
The woman will be in a state of permanent pleasure all this time, and the man will be adequately rewarded for his patience and affection. The criterion of a good sexual partner is when the frequency of orgasms of a man and a woman is the same, and a great partner is when a woman experiences more orgasms than he does.
If you still have the strength and desire, then you can try again. It is unlikely that the partner will refuse to experience pleasure again. And you will be a skillful, consummate lover. By the way, Casanova allowed a woman to be in a state of continuous bliss all night long, allowing her to experience up to ten (!!!) orgasms, and the gratitude of his mistresses knew no bounds.
How often to practice sexual excesses is up to you. Each person has unique needs and abilities. But it is necessary to take into account the desire of the partner, especially if you differ in temperament.
If you have a high sexual constitution, and you need several intercourses per night, and a woman does not mind such a rhythm of sexual life and has an orgasm every time, this is wonderful.
But if your partner is enough once (for example, she has an average temperament or a long refractory pause, and for several hours her erogenous zones are unexcitable), then in no case should you insist on repeated intimacy. If you are persistent, then, of course, she will give in (women are very grateful to their partners for the pleasure they experienced), but this can negatively affect her attitude towards sex.
Let's say you still insisted on re-intercourse, and your partner is still in the refractory period. Then sexual arousal does not occur in her, and her genitals will not be ready for copulation. The woman will be in pain, she will look forward to the partner having finished intercourse - and such an attitude is by no means conducive to sexual harmony. First of all, you yourself will suffer from this: the next time, knowing that you will not be satisfied with one intercourse, but will insist on repeating it, she will try to avoid intimacy altogether so as not to “turn you on”.
It is absolutely unacceptable to insist on repeated sexual intercourse, when even the first time the woman was not satisfied. The excessive temperament of a partner, combined with his sexual illiteracy or sexual egoism, is a misfortune for his partner. Family life with such a person is a continuous series of quarrels due to mutual misunderstanding and the wife's aversion to sex. Sensuality and "sexual appetite" of a woman largely depend on a man.
An erotically awakened woman will willingly meet his desires and will not shy away from intimacy if she regularly experiences pleasure.
If one sexual intercourse per night is not enough for you, and you would like more, then it is in your power to awaken sensuality in a woman. Try, as followers of the teachings of the Tao of Love, to give up your own satisfaction with each intercourse, at least for a while, control ejaculation and do not strive for your own orgasm, let your partner experience several orgasms in a row, and in the future you will not have problems. If she experiences as many orgasms as you do, and even more so, then you can be proud that you have “raised” a worthy partner.
The famous Casanova once found out about a rich, middle-aged widow who was devout and sexually cold, and decided to wake up the woman in her. Despite her lack of reaction and even her opposition, he caressed her for ten hours straight, and when she finally experienced a series of orgasms, it was already a completely different woman. She was so shocked by her feelings and so grateful to Casanova that she gave him most of her fortune.
If Casanova managed to “wake up” the woman he did not love, who was completely undisposed to his caresses, then in relation to the woman you love, you should all the more show sexual altruism.
Intense sexual attraction to each other, when partners spend the whole night in caresses and only in the morning fall asleep exhausted, but happy, - it is characteristic, mainly, of newlyweds or lovers with little experience.
If such a “sexual giant” woke up in you, it’s great, but only if your partner fully corresponds to you in her “sexual appetites”. If it was you who woke up such a “tigress” in her, then you have something to be proud of.
If one sexual intercourse per night is enough for you and your partner, then you can only sometimes “spoil” her and yourself with sexual excesses. And if both of you are able to regularly withstand several sexual contacts per night, everything is in your power.
But you still need to know the measure, and you also need to arrange breaks. Such an intense load can exhaust you. Therefore, everything must be approached wisely.
Over time, life itself will put everything in its place. Intimacy will not be every day, and if at the first opportunity you again deliver pleasure to your partner several times during one night, then this will be enough for both of you to endure until the next opportunity. And during the breaks you will rest, gain strength, get bored, and everything will be like the first time.
If over time your nights become calmer, and intimacy is no more than once, and both of you will have enough of that, then everything is in order.
For a “shake-up”, you can throw a “body party” many times to remind your partner what a great lover you are and satisfy her so that you can relax for a few days. And then the regime itself will work out.
Sexopathologists believe that if sexual life does not cause fatigue or weakness, if partners remain cheerful and cheerful during the day, then we are not talking about sexual excesses.
Optimal is a regular sexual life, which corresponds to the individual capabilities of both partners.
In an erotic play there was only one action, but so many acts!
Boris Krutier
postgrass
“Humanity, surpassing the beast in the sense of the constant ability to copulate, has lagged far behind in the aesthetics of love.”
Y. Nagibin
Postigra is the final chord, which is possible only if both partners are satisfied with each other. Experiencing a pleasant relaxation, they can lie quietly in bed, leisurely caressing each other.
It doesn't even matter if the woman had an orgasm. For many women, orgasm is not an end in itself. Tenderness, caresses of a partner, the feeling that she is loved, that they are united both in soul and body - this is what is most important for a woman.
No wonder they call it sex intimacy, which implies closeness, both spiritual and physical. If a woman feels good with this man, then the peak of pleasure itself is not the most important thing. Desirable, but not required element of intimacy.
A man can completely spoil the whole impression, even if everything was wonderful before, if he crumples up the game. There is nothing worse than a partner who turns his back on a woman after sex and immediately falls asleep.
If men knew what the women lying next to them were thinking about them at that moment, they would probably reconsider their behavior. All the most unflattering epithets and definitions that mean “a person who has satisfied his lust” - this is approximately what women whisper to themselves with varying degrees of expression, looking at their husband (lover) snoring next to him, who was just shaking in a paroxysm of orgasm.
Another way to break the charm of intimacy is when one of the partners hastily jumps up and rushes to the bathroom. Most often, this is a sin of women who believe that douching can prevent pregnancy. In fact, douching is already useless, so you should not rush. Among the men there are also clean people who do not tolerate “dirt” on the body and, having barely opened their arms, runs to the bathroom to take a bath. It’s better not to spoil the finale with unnecessary fuss, lie down a little in each other’s arms, and hygiene measures can be taken up a little later.
Most people don't mind the smell of semen (the "smell of sex"). There is no "dirt" on the body after sex. Many couples even like it. that they are united by the "aroma of sin." But if you can’t wait even five or ten minutes, then put a pack of napkins, sanitary bags, paper or regular towels on the bedside table or somewhere near the bed. Instead of heading to the bathroom, use these handy tools. And then you can take a shower together.
The final caresses are no less important than the preliminary ones. Not so much a woman needs! Just a gentle hug, a few kisses and an intimate whisper in my ear: “You are the most desirable, sexiest woman in the world!” The rest is up to you, compliments are unlimited.
Only after you express your gratitude to your partner with your hands and words, you can go to bed with peace of mind with the words: “And now, dear, I must restore my strength in order to save them for you.”
In this case, not a single woman will shove you in the side, preventing you from sleeping and demanding attention. To complete harmony after intercourse, a man must necessarily show tenderness, attention and gratitude towards a woman if he wants her to respond to his desire with joy next time.
Section 6. Chinese Letter
Tao of love
“They say the Chinese have a special way of having sex,” a man asks a friend. Yes, they take breaks. So they can take a long time. In the evening in bed with my wife. Has sex for a while, then gets up, smokes, has sex again, gets up again, drinks coffee. Finally, the wife could not stand it:Vasya, what's wrong with you? You look like a Chinese...
Joke
Ancient Chinese treatises on the Tao of Love, in which the main condition is the satisfaction of a woman, give many recommendations with the help of which a man acquires the ability to experience pleasure from sexual intercourse itself, and this gives a woman the opportunity to regularly experience an orgasm.
The Tao of love pays attention not only to the technique of sexual intercourse, but also to erotic caresses, including oral caresses (cunnilingus and fellatio).
According to the philosophers of the Tao of love, during sexual intercourse, a man has the opportunity to enjoy the erotic attributes of a woman - her naked body, the smell, the touch of her skin, the taste of her saliva and the lubrication of the external genital organs.
Men who know the Tao of love are able to control ejaculation and prolong sexual intercourse up to one hour or even more, while they perform from one thousand to five thousand frictions.
In ancient China, it was believed that if a man does not satisfy a woman, then he still needs to improve his sexual technique.
From the point of view of the Tao of love, even knowing how to control ejaculation, a man is not considered a good sexual partner if his partner remains unsatisfied.
Men who preach the Tao of Love possess a refined technique of erotic caresses and are sexual altruists: during sexual intimacy, they strive to deliver the highest pleasure to their partner and give her the opportunity to experience an orgasm as many times as she is capable of, so that as a result the woman is completely satisfied with intimacy.
Philosophers of the Tao of Love paid much attention to the style and depth of frictions because they enjoyed sexual intercourse more than achieving orgasm. They recommend not only using a variety of friction styles, but also the right number of strokes in the ideal ratio.
The physician and philosopher of the UP century, Li Tong Xian, wrote the book Tong Xian Tzu, in which 6 chapters are devoted to describing the thrusts (frictions) of the penis. The book contains a poetic description of the various thrusts that are convenient for long lovemaking sessions: deep and shallow, shallow and fast, straight and oblique. Each of the pushes has its own special effect and its own characteristics.
The slow push Li Tong Xian describes as "the movement of a carp playing with a hook, fast - like the flight of birds flying against the wind." All movements must be coordinated - insert and withdraw the penis, move up and down, from left to right and vice versa, with gaps between them or in an accelerated sequence.
He gives 9 types of pushes:
2. Move up and down like a wild horse kicking in a river.
3. Pull out and bring closer, like a flock of seagulls playing on the waves.
4. Use deep thrusts and small, teasing strokes, alternating quickly, like a sparrow pecking at the leftover rice.
5. To make deep and shallow blows in the same sequence as a large stone sinks into the sea.
6. Approach slowly, like a snake crawling into a wintering hole.
7. Push quickly, like a frightened rat rushes into a hole.
8. Balance, then strike like an eagle grabbing an elusive hare.
9. Lift, then sink, like a big sailboat braves a storm.
In a dialogue between Emperor Zhang Li and his adviser Su Niu, 9 shallow and 1 deep thrusts are preferred in the Tao of Love, because “If you push too shallowly, the couple may not get the most pleasure; if it's too deep, they can hurt themselves."
From a Taoist point of view, 9 shallow and 1 deep push is the best combination and both partners get the best experience. Women initially feel teased, but then find that this method gives them a lot of pleasure. There are other combinations - 8 small and 1 deep, 5 small and 1 deep and others.
All thrusts, delivered at varying speeds, strengths and depths, add nuances and nuances of pleasure, and their variety gives a man the ability to control ejaculation and keep his penis hard throughout the intercourse.
Ancient philosophers spoke of a thousand love thrusts that are necessary to truly satisfy a woman.
To a modern man who does not know the Tao of love, a thousand frictions may seem like hard work, not sexual pleasure. But Taoists believe that for someone who is experienced in love, this is not hard work at all, but rather the opposite. They can be completed in half an hour, and at a very slow pace.
Pushing in the Tao differs significantly from the generally accepted idea of frictions. Followers of the Tao can perform them with amazing stamina and energy. Partners who are attracted to each other can achieve a degree of coordination that may seem incredible. According to their mutual desire, one sexual intercourse can last so long, and intercourse can be repeated so often, until both partners are completely satisfied.
Taoist Zhang Zhonglan writes: “If the phallus enters and leaves the vulva in the same way every time, a long lovemaking session can be boring, but if a man knows how to vary the thrusts and postures, a long session becomes a great advantage. And it would not be a big exaggeration to say that the more time he has, the easier it will be for him to make the session memorable.”
For a man. knowing the Tao, it is a special pleasure to realize that he can give the maximum degree of satisfaction to his partner. And the knowledge that he can satisfy the most voluptuous woman is enough to increase his self-confidence.
Modern men are extremely concerned about their own potency. The loss of male power is perceived by men as a tragedy. However, in doing so, they prioritize the erection of the penis and forget about everything else. Men who use the principles of the Tao of love, even if they ejaculate with every sexual intercourse, never have problems with erection and premature ejaculation.
The enjoyment of sexual intercourse itself and the gratitude of a satisfied woman make it possible for men who use the recommendations of the Taoists to feel like wonderful lovers. On an erection, they are not fixed. Therefore, they have no problems with it.
Good potency is characteristic of all men who use the principles of the Tao.
Even older men have good erections, and their partner enjoys sexual intercourse every time.
The more a man worries about his potency and sexual performance, the worse the erection.
If a man ceases to fixate on this and seeks to satisfy his partner with every sexual intercourse, then all his fears disappear. And the less fear - the better the potency. This is common knowledge. Weak potency is the lot of insecure men (meaning impotence that occurs under the influence of psychological factors).
In his book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask, David Reuben writes: “A reasonable measure of male potency is the ability to continue intercourse for 6 to 10 minutes. During this time, a man with normal potency will produce from 50 to 100 pelvic thrusts. Food and sex have a lot in common. In the process of eating - the first piece is the most delicious, the second portion is the most appetizing. The third time the strawberry cake is no longer as tasty as the first. The third copulation (sexual intercourse - author's note) per night is more for the memoirs than for the pleasure of the participants.
Taoists believe that 50-100 strokes and the duration of intercourse 6-10 minutes, which D. Reuben considers normal potency, is typical for men who have no idea about the Tao of love. As for being satiated with sex during repeated intercourse during one night, for a man who knows the Tao, this is generally unsuitable and not acceptable for an erotically awakened woman.
If a man loves his partner and knows the Tao of love, then he enjoys the third session even more than the first.
In relation to the analogy with food, we can say that the first intercourse only whets the appetite for the main course. And after that, a man who has Tao experience finds that he wants both a second and a third portion. In the words of the ancient Chinese, a man will feel "as if he will never get enough from her (a woman - author's note)." The same is true for a woman.
The famous English sexologist Havelock Ellis, who wrote the seven-volume work "Studies in the Psychology of Sex", considered the normal duration of sexual intercourse to be one hour and a quarter. Many sexologists believe that this is quite achievable for a man with normal potency, who knows how to prolong sexual intercourse. Prolonged intercourse not only increases the woman's pleasure, but also satisfies the man himself.
A long duration of sexual intercourse should not become an end in itself.
Making love is not a mechanical process that can be measured in time and intensity. What is important is not the duration of intercourse and the number of frictions - these figures suggest the level of sexual abilities that a man acquires, but the basic principle of Tao is the maximum pleasure of a woman. The sexual abilities of a man guided by the principles of Tao become so high that he can satisfy any woman.
If a man finds a suitable partner for such long sex sessions, and she enjoys it, then he will be able to make love for an hour and a quarter, and even more, and produce a thousand love thrusts.
But not all women are prepared for such long sexual intercourse, and not all lovers are so attracted to each other to make love for so long and so intensely. Even experienced and temperamental couples may not want such daily sex.
However, the Tao philosophy of love does not put necessary condition frequent sexual intercourse. She prioritizes the quality of intercourse over the amount of intercourse.
A man acquires the ability to experience pleasure from sexual intercourse and give pleasure to a woman, and how often he will do this depends on himself and his partner.
A man who practices the Tao of love can have sex as often and for as long as he wants to. At the same time, he will not lead an ascetic lifestyle in order to lose his abilities. All Taoists attach great importance to their sex life.
It is important that a man who practices the Tao of love will never disappoint his partner and will not be disappointed in sex himself.
Taoists practice an endless variety of postures. Even for the traditional normal pose, 13 options are offered. It is recommended not only to use different positions during sexual intercourse, but also to constantly experiment and improvise. In addition, Taoists advise using changing postures. When a man masters the technique of alternating thrusts, he must learn to move from one position to another without interrupting intercourse. For example, from the “man on top” position, partners can move to the “on the side” position. And in this position, Taoists also offer many options. From this position, they recommend smoothly moving to the “woman on top” position.
Such a transition is especially important if the partner is timid or inexperienced and resists taking such a position herself. And with the rapid rotation of the bodies by a man, she can be easily and naturally transferred to the position "from above", and her timidity and bashfulness will not be morally damaged. And when she unexpectedly finds herself in this position, she may find that she really likes this position, and women who have not previously experienced orgasm often achieve it in this position.
Such a quick change of position without removing the penis from the vagina is also good for men, who can lose their erection if they change position with the cessation of genital contact. For example, if a man has some problems with potency, then he begins sexual intercourse in the traditional “man on top” position in one of its variants. Having achieved a good erection with the help of frictions, he smoothly, without breaking the contact of the genitals, transfers the partner to the “on the side” position, and then just as smoothly into the “woman on top” position. In this position, many men can control ejaculation for much longer, the man can relax and enjoy, and the woman takes an active role and pushes herself, changing their angle to achieve the greatest pleasure.
A change of position without opening the contact of the genital organs is also recommended for older men, since exercise stress in the final position for the partner is small, and in the initial position he has already achieved sufficient excitation and erection.
In the “woman on top” position, in addition to the options when the partner sits on the partner, the option is recommended when the woman lies down the entire length of her body on the men, spreading her legs wide or vice versa, tightly squeezing her legs. This position is more comfortable and less tiring for the woman. Many women find these frictions very erotic, as the man's penis and the woman's vagina remain in close and continuous deep contact.
The ideas of the Tao of love are at the heart of sexual altruism. That is why the numerous mistresses of famous lovers of past and present so appreciated them and were endlessly attached to them even after the break. All famous altruistic lovers have become famous not for having countless women, but for constantly giving them the highest pleasure, not striving only for their own satisfaction. They gave a woman the opportunity to experience an orgasm many times, and themselves - much less often.
Sexual egoists cannot understand this. But those men who want to forever bind their beloved to themselves and give her the highest pleasure, and themselves - enormous psychological and physical satisfaction, must use the basic principles of the Tao of love and sexual altruism. The Tao philosophy assumes that a man gets great pleasure from the sexual intercourse itself and the satisfaction of the woman he loves, and not just from his own orgasm.
tantric sex
“Three sources have human inclinations - soul, mind and body. Attraction of souls breeds friendship. Attraction of the mind breeds respect. The attraction of the body breeds desire. The union of the three desires produces love."
Ancient Indian treatise on love
Tantric sex is common in India. Since ancient times, Hindus have identified three ways of interacting with the outside world: yoga - the path of direct action, sanhya - the path of observation and tantra - the path of reverse action. The ultimate goal is to achieve merging with the deity.
The basic doctrine of Tantrism is as follows: if anything in the material world requires attention, it should be honored with attention. It is something that calls for enjoyment, hence one must enjoy. Only in this way will a person be able to comprehend that He, the One, stands behind every pleasure.
Since the greatest pleasure is sex, it is to him that Tantrism pays special attention. Here, too, the basic principle is the ability to manage your sexual arousal. The technique, as in Tao, is built on the control of ejaculation by a man and the minimum frequency of ejaculations. Tantra prefers to release the seed energy to the chakras.
In this case, the lovers sit opposite each other in a special position, the man inserts the penis into the woman's vagina. but both continue to sit without moving. tuned in to each other
This method is super-ritualistic and is closely connected with religion; it is believed that orgasm is a bliss that is given to lovers from outer space.
The main goal of tantric sex is to understand that pleasure with a partner is nothing compared to the ecstasy when both break through into transcendental heights.
The technique of tantric sex is designed to achieve such a merger with a partner, in which the bodily shells take a secondary place, and the essence of a person, liberated, enjoys Divine love.
The principles of tantric sex are superaltruistic: the woman is the more significant partner. She must have an orgasm.
The duration of sexual union is not limited, but in reality it is long - unity with the Divine and harmonization of the male and feminine they can't do it in half an hour or an hour.
The ancient Arabs used the ideas of the Tantric art of love and the Tao of love. Based on this, they created a sexual technique called imsak.
Using this sexual technique, a man can give his partner the opportunity to experience pleasure all night, but he himself is able to control himself and ejaculate at will.
This technique of sex was used by the famous Ali Khan, an unsurpassed lover.
Here is the true realization of love - when in the arms of love, passion is mutually experienced by both the one who longs for its satisfaction, and the woman who has half-closed her eyes from pleasure.
Bhartrihari
Prolonged intercourse
The man owns the yang. The peculiarity of yang is that it is easily excited, but also easily retreats. Yin belongs to a woman. The peculiarity of yin is that it is difficult to arouse, but just as difficult to saturate.
W. Xian
In ordinary sexual intercourse, very few are able to manage it. Here the leading role belongs to a man who can carry out prolonged sexual intercourse. It can last not a few minutes, but half an hour or an hour or even more.
With prolonged sexual intercourse, the orgasm is very strong. But for this, a man must, firstly, have a good command of the technique of prolonged sexual intercourse, secondly, have good potency in order to maintain a sufficient erection during prolonged sexual intercourse, and thirdly, be able to control himself well so that ejaculation does not occur until partner will not culminate.
One of the options for prolonging sexual intercourse is called the Kargenz practice. It is carried out as follows. After the introduction of the penis into the vagina, the man stops the friction, waiting for the first wave of excitation. Then friction resumes. The main role belongs to the man, although the woman must also actively participate with her body movements. When the excitation of the partner again becomes very strong, and he feels that ejaculation is approaching, he again waits for this wave. And so several times. In this case, sexual intercourse can stretch for a long time. If a man has a certain experience, then the orgasm of both partners can come at the same time.
Many modern boys and young men begin their sexual life with quick and inept intercourse and uncontrolled ejaculations. When a man is excited, inexperienced, and if he has the same inept partner, then making love with a girl who has a tight entrance to the vagina makes it very difficult to control ejaculation, and such a short-term sexual intercourse, committed “hastily”, does not bring pleasure to both of them .
You can also prolong sexual intercourse according to the principles of Tao. If a man gets rid of the idea that he must certainly achieve ejaculation and orgasm, the Taoists teach, he will be able to make love more often and longer. He will find that his partner also enjoys, and will be free to discover many pleasures during intercourse.
Control over ejaculation may require some effort, initially conscious, and then will be carried out already unconsciously. If a man achieves this, then even in old age he will be capable of 20-minute intercourse.
It is worth listening to the advice of Tao philosophers, who paid a lot of attention to sexual life. The principles of the Tao of love will help both young and old men, and those who ejaculate prematurely, and those who do not know how to give pleasure to a woman.
Lengthening the duration of sexual intercourse, according to the teachings of Tao, is achieved in two ways.
The first method is the locking and braking method. Its advantage is ease of implementation. The focus is on the depth of frictions (the ancient Chinese called them thrusts), breaks between frictions (retreats) and deep diaphragmatic breathing.
For example, a man performs a stage of three small and one deep frictions. He should close his eyes, his mouth and breathe deeply, calmly through his nose, not out of breath. When, however, he feels that he may soon lose control, That should rise in one quick movement and withdraw the penis almost completely and remain in this position without breathing. Then take a deep breath with the diaphragm and at the same time draw in the lower abdomen, as if holding back urination. With deep breathing, the excitement will soon subside and the man resumes friction. It is important to remember that you need to stop and control your breathing when you are very excited. If he stops the friction already very excited and tries to withdraw the penis, then, according to the ancient Chinese, he may subsequently have pain in the bladder or pain in the kidneys.
The inhibition method is excellent, but it must be practiced as soon as the man feels aroused. It is believed that it is much better to stop early than too late.
By practicing this method, a man will be able to control his ejaculation and will not allow erections to decrease. So he will save his energy and will feel collected. By combining the inhibition method with deep diaphragmatic breathing, he can continue intercourse for a very long time.
Tao philosophers believed that a man who knows how to control ejaculation can perform 5,000 frictions and is able to satisfy 10 women per night (!!!).
People are such unusual creatures also because they can have sex at almost any time. This practice is a direct consequence of our latent ovulation. In most animals, sexual intercourse occurs only during a short period of estrus (estrus), which notifies the onset of ovulation. (The word estrus, like the adjective estrus, comes from Greek word- "gadfly". This insect pursues cattle, driving them into a frenzy.) During estrus, the female baboon, waking up after a month of sexual abstinence, can copulate up to a hundred times, and the female barbary macaque (magot) mates on average every seventeen minutes, bestowing her favor on each male of the flock at least once. Monogamous pairs of gibbons abstain from copulation for several years, until the female weaned her last cub and her estrus again begins. But as soon as the female becomes pregnant, the gibbons immediately stop mating again.
In the meantime, we humans have sex every day of the estrous cycle. Women pester men with this almost every day, and men readily act, not at all interested in whether a woman is fertile and whether she has ovulated. Even today, after decades scientific research, it is impossible to say with certainty at what stage of the estrous cycle a woman is most interested in male courtship - if this interest has cyclical fluctuations at all. As a result, most sexual intercourse occurs at a time when a woman is not fertile.
But people don't just have sex at the "wrong" time: they don't stop having sex even during pregnancy and after menopause, when it's absolutely certain that no fertilization is possible. Many of my New Guinean friends consider it their duty to have sex with their wife until the very end of her pregnancy, because they believe that the constantly flowing male sperm is the building material for the developing fetus.
From a "biological" point of view, human sexual intercourse is a colossal waste of effort, especially if you adhere to the Catholic view on this issue, that is, you consider sex only as a means of fertilization. Why does a woman not give any clear signals about the beginning of ovulation, as do females of other animals, because this would help us to reduce sexual contacts only to those periods when they are really needed? In this chapter, we will try to understand the causes of hidden ovulation, the almost constant readiness of women for sex, and sex for fun - three unusual features of human sexual behavior.
Perhaps by now you have firmly decided that I am a typical ivory tower dweller, busy looking for answers to far-fetched, insignificant questions. I can literally hear billions of people on Earth exclaiming, “There is only one question that really needs an answer - why is Jared Diamond such an idiot! Don't you personally understand why people are always ready to have sex? Yes, just because it's nice!
Unfortunately, such an answer cannot satisfy the scientist. Judging by the extent to which animals during mating are passionate about their occupation, sexual intercourse also gives them a lot of pleasure. And marsupial mice seem to experience even more pleasure than we do, judging by the duration of their mating (up to twelve hours). Then why do animals mate only during those periods when the female is ready for fertilization? Behavior, just like anatomy, is the result of natural selection. So, if sex also gives pleasure, then the reason for this should also be sought in natural selection. Yes, dogs enjoy sex too, but only at certain times: dogs, like most other animals, have evolved the ability to enjoy sex only when it is beneficial. Natural selection is always on the side of those individuals who seek to pass on their genes to as many offspring as possible. How can you produce this numerous offspring if, like crazy, you have sex during those periods when it is absolutely impossible to conceive even one cub?
A simple example of the expediency of sexual activity in animals is given by the pied flycatcher already known to us from Chapter 2. Usually, the female of this bird searches for copulation only when her eggs are ready for fertilization, i.e. a few days before oviposition. As soon as the female lays her eggs, she immediately loses all interest in copulation and either actively opposes the claims of the males, or simply does not pay attention to them. However, in one experiment, ornithologists artificially turned twenty freshly ovipositing female pied flycatchers into "straw widows" by removing their males. Within two days, six of the twenty "widowed" females made persistent attempts to mate with other males, three more were observed during copulation, and the rest may have managed to do this unnoticed by the researchers. The females were obviously trying to deceive the new males, convincing them of their own readiness for fertilization. When chicks hatched from already laid eggs, nothing would tell the new males that these were not their children. In at least a few cases, the trick worked and the deceived male looked after other people's chicks as if they were his own. However, in this whole story there was not a hint that the pied flycatcher, being in the role of a merry widow, is looking for pleasure in sex.
Hidden ovulation, constant sexual readiness and sexual intercourse as entertainment make us extraordinary creatures, but all this became possible only as a result of evolutionary development. Particularly paradoxical is the fact that it is in Homo sapiens - a species unique in its ability to self-knowledge - that women do not know anything about the onset of their own ovulation, while females of other species, even as dumb as cows, are well versed in this. Some very good reason was needed to hide ovulation from such intelligent and sensitive creatures as women. As we shall see, finding out what this reason was, rather unexpectedly, turned out to be very difficult.
There is a simple reason why most people approach mating with reasonable economy: the act of intercourse requires energy and time, and it also increases the risk of injury and death. Let's list the arguments in favor of not making love if there is no reproductive need for it:
1. Sperm production is expensive for males. Mutant worms that have reduced sperm production live longer than regular worms.
2. Copulation requires time that could be spent looking for food.
3. Male and female during copulation can be more easily taken by surprise and killed by a predator or enemy.
4. Older individuals may not withstand the effort required by sexual intercourse: French Emperor Napoleon III during love games had a stroke, Nelson Rockefeller died having sex.
5. During a fight over a female in heat, males can seriously injure each other, and even the female.
6. Extramarital copulation in many species (and especially in humans) is a risky business, and serious troubles can threaten an individual caught doing this.
In other words, we would only benefit if we treated sex as rationally as other animals. The question is, what are the advantages of our, so ineffective, sexual behavior?
Scientists' assumptions in this regard are usually based on another unusual species feature of Homo sapiens: the complete helplessness of a newborn human cub. The young of most mammals learn to get their own food as soon as they stop receiving mother's milk, and soon after that become completely independent. Consequently, the female may well raise the cub alone, without any help from the male, who she only needs to mate. People, however, obtain food in much more complex and technological ways, and a small child does not have sufficient physical strength for this, nor the corresponding mental development. As a result, the baby must be fed and cared for for at least another ten years after it is weaned, a job two parents can do more easily than one. Even today it is not easy for a single mother to raise a child, and it was even more difficult in those distant prehistoric times, when we were all hunters and gatherers.
Let us now try to imagine the dilemma faced by the newly fertilized primitive woman. In other species of mammals, the male, having fertilized the female, would immediately go in search of another female in the fertile period in order to fertilize her too. But if a primitive man abandoned his pregnant woman, then his unborn child, most likely, was threatened with starvation or violent death.
What must a woman do to keep a man by her side? She finds a brilliant solution: to remain sexually receptive even after fertilization! To be ready to make love to a man whenever he wants! Then he will not have to look for sexual contacts on the side: he will remain with the woman and even, probably, will share hunting prey with her and with his unborn child. Thus, sex purely for pleasure is supposed to act as the cement that holds the human couple together as they nurse their helpless infant. This, in brief, is the essence of the theory, which until recently was shared by the majority of anthropologists and in favor of which, at first glance, much speaks.
However, if we turn to the study of animal behavior, we find that the "sex-as-brace-family-values" theory fails to provide answers to many key questions. Chimpanzees (and especially pygmy chimpanzees - bonobos) mate much more often than most people, several times a day, but copulations occur with random partners and stable pairs are not formed. On the other hand, one can point to the behavior of males of many other species of mammals, who do not need such "sexual bribes" in order not to leave the female and the calf. Gibbons, which often form monogamous pairs, go for years without copulating. Look out the window and you will see how male songbirds help females feed their chicks, although they cannot copulate after fertilization. Even a male gorilla, surrounded by a harem of females, is given the opportunity to mate only a few times a year; all his girlfriends are either feeding the cub or they are not in heat. So why did only women, unlike the females of all these animals, consider it necessary to offer a man a “bribe” in the form of a constant readiness for sex?
There is a fundamental difference between human pairs and animal pairs. Gibbons, songbirds and gorillas live in natural conditions dispersed, with each pair (or harem) occupying certain territory. This lifestyle reduces the likelihood of meeting potential extramarital partners. Perhaps the most characteristic feature of human society is that each pair of spouses lives in the environment of many similar couples, all of which are connected by economic relations. To find something even remotely similar to human society in the animal world, one should look not among mammals, but among seabirds, which form huge nesting colonies. But even pairs of seabirds are not as economically dependent on each other as we are.
The problem with human sexual behavior is that father and mother must work together and for many years to raise their helpless offspring, despite the fact that both are claimed by other fertile adults. Extramarital sex, which is widespread in human societies, has a detrimental effect on the family, especially as regards the cooperation of parents in the upbringing of children. And yet, we have evolved hidden ovulation and a constant sexual readiness, and these traits make for a unique combination: a stable family, shared parental care, and the constant lure of infidelity. How does it all fit together?
The belated realization by scientists of this paradox has given rise to an avalanche of competing theories, each of which usually reflects the gender of its author. Here, for example, is the theory of prostitution put forward by one pundit: evolution has endowed women with the ability to sell love pleasures to male hunters in exchange for a piece of meat. According to the theory of “better genes through betrayal” (also, of course, “male”), a cave woman, given by the will of the tribe to a genetically second-rate husband, could, by her constant readiness for sex, attract a man with first-class genes and, having become pregnant from him, provide her offspring with the best heredity.
On the other hand, one of the female scientists, the author of the "anticontraceptive" theory, drew attention to the fact that human childbirth is the most painful and dangerous of all mammals. The fact is that a newborn human baby is very large compared to the newborn cubs of our ape relatives. A woman weighing 100 pounds gives life to a child weighing an average of six pounds. By comparison, a female gorilla that weighs about twice as much (200 pounds) gives birth to a baby half the size of a human (3 pounds). As a result, women before the advent of modern medical methods often died in childbirth, and even modern women still cannot do without outside help (obstetricians and nurses in developed countries; midwives or older women in traditional societies). In the meantime, female gorillas give birth perfectly on their own, and they do not know of a single case of death of a female during childbirth. Therefore, the anticontraceptive theory says, primitive women, who knew that pain and danger awaited them during childbirth, and also knew about the time of their ovulation, hid this last knowledge in order to avoid sexual intercourse on fertile days. As a result, these women were less likely to pass on their genes, and eventually their offspring were supplanted by the offspring of other women who could not accurately determine when they ovulated and therefore did not try to avoid sex on fertile days.
Of all this variety of hypotheses that explain hidden ovulation, two seem to me the most plausible. Let's call one of them the "homebody dad theory" and the other the "many fathers theory." Interestingly, these two theories are almost opposite to each other. The stay-at-home dad theory posits that concealed ovulation arose as a means of establishing monogamy, encouraging a man to stay at home and thereby increasing his confidence in his fatherhood. And according to the theory of many fathers, hidden ovulation, on the contrary, developed in order to give a woman access to many sexual partners. Thus, she could leave the men in the dark about which one of them was the real father.
Consider first the stay-at-home dad theory put forward by biologists Richard Alexander and Katherine Noonan of the University of Michigan. To understand the essence of this theory, try to imagine for a moment what family life would be like if women ovulated visibly, like female baboons with their bright red behinds. In this case, the husband, looking at his wife, would accurately determine that she was ovulating. On this very day, he would certainly stay at home and make love to his wife in order to impregnate her and pass on his genes. On other days, he would have known from his wife's pale bottom that it was pointless to make love to her. It is much better to go in search of other "flushed" ladies, left unattended and able to conceive children from him, to whom a man could pass on even more of his genes. At the same time, he would not be afraid to leave his wife at home alone, knowing that she is now sexually non-receptive and cannot be fertilized in any way. It is in this way that male geese, gulls and pied flycatchers behave.
For humans, the consequences of such marriages with demonstrated ovulation would be terrible. Fathers would hardly appear at home, mothers would not be able to raise children alone, and they would die in batches. In the end, everything would turn out very badly not only for mothers, but also for fathers, since neither one nor the other would succeed in passing on their genes.
Now let's consider the opposite scenario, in which there is no way for a husband to find out about his wife's fertility days. He will have to spend as much time as possible at home and make love to his wife as often as possible (any day of the month if possible) if he wants to increase his chances of conceiving a child. Another reason why a husband needs to stay with his wife is no less important: the only way he can protect her from encroachment by other men, since she can be fertile on the very day he leaves.
Circumstances can turn out unfavorably for the cheating husband: at the very moment when he is in bed with someone else's wife, his own wife will ovulate. Then another man can impregnate the cheater's wife, while the latter's chances are unclear: if the other woman is not fertile at that moment, he may be wasting his sperm. The logic of this scenario suggests that a man has less reason to cheat on his wife if he does not know which of the neighbor's wives is fertile on any given day. The result cannot but rejoice: fathers do not hang around on the side and, together with mothers, take care of children, helping the latter to survive. This is good for both mothers and fathers, since both successfully pass on their genes.
In essence, Alexander and Noonan argue that bizarre features of female physiology force men to stay at home (at least longer than they could). A woman wins by getting an active assistant in raising a child. A man also wins, but only if he accepts the rules of the game offered by female physiology. Staying at home, he is sure that the child he cares for really carries his genes. He does not need to be afraid that while he is on the hunt, his wife, like a female baboon, will begin to flash her red behind, signaling that she has begun ovulation, and that this clear sign of ovulation will attract a crowd of admirers with whom his wife will begin to copulate. in front of everyone in turn. A man accepts these rules, and to such an extent that he continues to make love to his wife even during her pregnancy and after menopause, when, as even men know, fertilization is no longer possible. Thus, according to Alexander and Noonan, hidden ovulation and the constant sexual readiness that arose in women in the course of evolution aimed to establish monogamy, guarantee the participation of the father in parental care, and also strengthen his confidence in his own fatherhood.
This view is challenged by the "many fathers theory" proposed by anthropologist Sarah Hrdy of the University of California, Davis. Anthropologists have long established that in traditional societies the practice of infanticide (killing babies) was widespread - even though it was legally prohibited by states. However, until recent field studies by Hrdy and colleagues, it was not known how common infanticide was in animals. Today, we can include even our closest relatives, gorillas and chimpanzees, among the species in which it is noted, as well as many other species, from lions to African hyena dogs. Infanticide seems to be most often committed by adult males who kill the young of females with whom they have never mated, such as when a male alien tries to seize territory and a harem of females from another male. The usurper usually kills the cubs, "knowing" that they are not his offspring.
Of course, infanticide terrifies us, but it also makes us ask the question: why do animals (and earlier people) resort to it so often? On reflection, we realize that the killer has clear genetic advantages. While the female is nursing the cub, she will not ovulate. However, the alien usurper is not related in any way to the cubs of the harem he has just captured. By killing the cub, he thereby stops the lactation of his mother and contributes to the resumption of her estrous cycle. In many (or even most) cases of such captures and subsequent infanticide, the killer male seeks to mate with the female who has lost her calf so that she bears a fetus with his genes.
Infanticide, being one of the main causes of the death of cubs, is a very serious evolutionary problem for females, because with a dead cub, all investments in it disappear. For example, a female gorilla usually loses at least one baby in her life, killed by a foreign male who tried to take over the harem to which she belonged. In general, in gorillas, more than a third of the cubs die as a result of infanticide. If the female has a very short and at the same time clearly marked estrus period, then the dominant male can easily capture the female for the entire period. All other males, therefore, "know" whose cub it is, and they will kill it on occasion without any remorse.
Now imagine that the female has hidden ovulation and constant sexual receptivity. Using these advantages, she can mate with many males - even if she has to do it discreetly so that her "lawful spouse" does not see. Although none of the males in such a case can be completely sure of his paternity, any of them has reason to believe that the born cub may be his offspring. If, over time, one of the males manages to eliminate the female's partner and capture her, he will not kill her cub - after all, it may turn out to be his own. Most likely, the male will even protect the cub and take care of it. Hidden ovulation in a female will reduce the number of contractions between males - because if copulation does not necessarily lead to conception, then it is not worth fighting for.
As an example of how females take advantage of hidden ovulation in a variety of ways, consider the behavior of African vervet monkeys, well known to anyone who has ever been on a safari in East Africa. Vervets live in groups that consist of about seven adult males and a dozen females. Since female vervets have no anatomical or behavioral signs of ovulation, biologist Sandy Endelman, after finding an acacia in whose crown a flock of monkeys settled, collected the urine of each female dripping from the tree with a funnel and bottle, and then analyzed for the presence of hormonal signs of ovulation . She also tracked copulations. It turned out that the females began to mate long before the onset of ovulation and continued long after they were fertilized. They reached the peak of their sexual receptivity no earlier than by the middle of pregnancy.
By this time, the female's belly was not yet round, betraying her pregnancy, and the deceived males did not suspect that they were wasting their time and energy in vain. Females stopped mating in the second half of pregnancy, when its signs could no longer be hidden from the eyes of males. This behavior gave the males enough time and opportunity to mate with most of the females in the pack. A third of the males were able to mate with each female. Thus, concealed ovulation helped female vervets to ensure that, in relation to their offspring, almost all males (potential child-killers) in their immediate environment took a benevolently neutral position.
According to Hrdi, hidden ovulation is an evolutionary adaptation of females to reduce the risk of offspring death due to the fault of adult males. If Alexander and Noonan see concealed ovulation as a way to guarantee male paternity and strengthen monogamy, then Hrdy, on the contrary, believes that this adaptation leads to exactly the opposite results - the impossibility of establishing paternity and the destruction of monogamy.
At this point, both the "homebody dad theory" and the "many fathers theory" will probably raise questions in your mind. Both of these theories explain why you need to hide ovulation from the male. But why is the timing of ovulation unknown to the woman herself? Why, for example, in women, the place lower back cannot be red on any day of the month - simply in order to mislead lustful males around, imitating readiness for sex - while the woman herself, by various signs, would perfectly feel the onset of ovulation ?
The answer to these questions seems obvious. It would be difficult for a woman to convincingly imitate a constant desire for sex if she did not actually experience desire and, in addition, were aware that she was not currently fertile. This fits in particularly well with the stay-at-home dad theory. When a woman is in a long-term monogamous relationship and sexual partners understand each other intimately very well, it would be difficult for her to cheat on her husband if she were not cheating herself in the process.
The "many fathers" theory is convincing enough for those species of animals (and for those traditional societies) in which the practice of infanticide is common. However, it is difficult to reconcile it with the state of affairs in modern human society as we know it. Yes, extramarital sex happens in it, but doubts about paternity are the exception rather than one of the rules that govern our society. Genetic tests show unequivocally that at least 70% (and possibly as many as 95%) of American and British babies are born to their mothers' husbands. It is hard to imagine a picture where several benevolent men would gather around each baby, who would give him gifts, offer their support and at the same time think to themselves: “I am probably the real father of this child!”
Therefore, it seems unlikely that the constant sexual receptivity of the modern woman is stimulated by the desire to save her child from infanticide. However, in the distant past, women seem to have been so motivated, and sex then probably had a slightly different function than it does now.
As a doctor, they often turn to me for advice, and sometimes with complaints that not everything works out in family life, that there is no happiness and no mutual understanding, that the husband (or wife) does not love me, etc. Moreover, such conversations can be heard from both men and women. You start asking more about family life and most often you find out the following: a guy and a girl got married in order to live, but they don’t know how to live. And no one taught them. In this lecture, I will try, as far as possible, to correct this gap in the life of a man and a woman.
It is known that people converge with each other for love, but other than thatstrong beautiful feeling there is another feeling - sexual desire, oftenmisunderstood by people. The final phase of mutual sexualattraction is sexual intercourse or copulation.
About how the copulation of a man with a woman should proceed and howleaving each other as much fun as possiblein any literature, even special. It's a pity... Having begun their sexual life ineptly, as it turns out, many spouses for many years enter into intimacy primitively, monotonously, without any special emotions and do not even suspect how much they do not add to each other. Furthermore. There are cases when young men do not marry beautiful and beloved girls only because they do not know any caresses, and sometimes even the location and structure of the female organ, in connection with which they are forced to undergo "practice" with depraved women, give them their first feeling, and sometimes freedom. But things could have been very different if...
This is what will be discussed. The most common and physiologically correct way of intercourse is the way in which the woman lies on her back with her knees bent and her legs apart. During intercourse, both a man and a woman should not be constrained by anything, they should have a comfortable wide bed (sofa, bed), preferably not even very soft. They should not have on themselves any clothes, even light ones, because the touch of the body to the body affects mutually, the female breast is especially sensitive to this. And, of course, they should be alone in the room.
When a woman's knees are bent, then in this position the uterus is closer to the entrance to the vagina, and during intercourse, the head of the penis slightly touches the cervix, which contributes to a more pleasant feeling. In this case, the man should make quick, but not sharp, translational movements of the member into the vagina back and forth. The more often the head of the penis touches the cervix, the more voluptuously the process of sexual intercourse will proceed. The ability to arouse sexual delight during physical intimacypartner should be learned by both spouses. Here a lot depends on both. Therefore, copulation, even very desirable, does not always bring complete satisfaction to both.
The bottom line is that the structure of the genital organs of all men and women only at first glance seems the same. In fact, this is far from the case. Biologists know that everything in the living world has its own uniqueness. In nature, there are no absolutely identical even two grains of sand. The genital organs of men, and especially women, are incomparably more different from each other. Some women feel that they are failing just because the men they have intercourse with have a short penis. Deep delusion!
As a gynecologist, I will explain that a long penis is a misfortune for a man andthe tragedy of a woman, because copulation with such a partner can lead topainful phenomena and severe diseases of the female genital area andcause in women an organic aversion to sexual intercourse. normal lengthexcited male member 11 - 12 cm, limit - 14, i.e. equal tothe distance from the entrance to the vagina (small lips) to the uterus. This distance inthe average is 8 cm and even in women with an anatomically long vagina it is rareexceeds 10 - 11 cm.
During ecstasy, a man cannot restrain himself and must"inserts" a member into the vagina "up to the balls" (as they say) andif his penis is 3-5 cm longer than the vagina (a distance of 1-2 cm for a woman is stillit is possible to deform due to the labia and not a close fit of the organscopulation), then this is already a disaster. A man will constantly hurtfemale genital organs and uterine cancer is provided. That is why competent inIn this regard, a woman on a gun shot should not let hergenitals of a man with a long penis. The whole secret of voluptuousness is not inpenis size, and in the conditions under which copulation proceeds andcorrectly chosen by a man and a woman a position for intercourse, as well as inhow seriously they both take this vital process. In addition to the necessary conditions, there is another important condition of beauty.
and sensuality of sexual intercourse, associated with the human psyche, namely: the deep respect of the spouses for each other. If this condition is not met, the postures and comforts created for intercourse may also be useless. The tips below are designed for loving spouses who, to complete happiness, only lack the sweetness of full-fledged sexual intercourse.
Let's look at a few cases. Very often in life it happens like this: the spouses went to bed, the husband immediately wants intercourse. Often such haste leads to refusal from the wife. Although this causes a sharp dissatisfaction of the husband, but he is to blame! Of course, a marriage certificate is to some extent a document onunhindered access of spouses to each other's genitals and eachThe spouse has the right to demand from another the performance of his marital obligations.responsibilities. But this does not mean that a man should forget about a woman andthink only about satisfying their sexual needs, now and thenstick your excited penis into the female vagina "like a goat to a goat", - we say in Poland.
While in bed, you need to prepare yourself and your wife for sexual intercourse. You need to hug your wife, caress, kiss her breasts, because they are very sensitive to male caresses. It’s good if a man strokes a woman’s organ with his hand, giving him a kind of light massage, while gently stroking the clitoris, which is the woman’s organ of feeling. After some time, a man can lie on a woman, continuing to caress her. In this case, it is possible (but not necessary) to push the woman's labia and touch the clitoris or the entrance to the vagina with the head of the penis, but in no case should you rush to insert the penis into the vagina until the woman herself wants it. And even after the request, you should wait, as if teasing the expectation of her genitals and without ceasing to caress. And only when the woman enters into desire (and the man immediately feels it), he must gently insert the penis into the woman's vagina and completely surrender to the passion that has gripped them ...
Of course, the thoughtful reader understands that the caress described above is one of the simplest caresses. Such caresses are appropriate for those whose sexual experience is calculated in weeks or months.
In a long-term marriage, when the spouses are no longer embarrassed by each other in order to obtain complete reciprocity, stroking a woman’s body with a hand or kissing her breasts is extremely insufficient, something more intimate is needed - something that the spouses performed with tenderness and tact will quickly throw them into a sweet shiver, create a woman sexual optimum, will help spouses to achieve orgasm and friendly ejaculation at the same time. We are talking about such caresses in the future.
So, a man should know that without a good preparation for the act, without his wife's attitude to intercourse, all his efforts to prove his sexual abilities and "what a good organ he has" can turn out to be empty chores! FIRST CONCLUSION: the main thing in sexual intercourse is caresses!Every loving family should be guided by the adviceancient Indian treatise "Peach Branches" - preparation for the act should be5 times longer than the act itself, and caresses after the act should equal time,spent on the act. This applies to all sexual partners without exception,even those for whom reciprocity is achieved without caresses (the rarest case).
It is known that people, especially women, which will be discussed, have different expressions of sexual temperament in terms of strength and brightness. For example, some women, while in bed with a man, in anticipation of physical intimacy, become so intensely sexually excited that they tremble with desire, their hips tremble sweetly, their lips and breasts burn with desire, their eyes are full of languor and moisture.
Such a woman is happiness for her husband, and if her initial feeling is not ruined by anything, then she, as a rule, is a good wife and a tender mother. The slightest touch of a man's hand to her organs (or other sensitive areas) makes her tremble. Such a woman is easily satisfied with her husband, because of which he feels good morally. Other women are the complete opposite. It is difficult to kindle their desire even for sexually strong men. Without the use of special caresses, they may never experience sexual satisfaction. There is an opinion that "hot" women are more prone to cheating. This opinion is debatable. Experts in this field have clearly proved that the cause of debauchery lies not in temperament, but in the spoiled woman and her lack of control. A depraved brain, that is, sexual spoilage, of course, can also have a "cold" woman. After all, there will always be a sufficient number of males (people call them boyfriends or males) who, out of "heroic" motives, destroy the families of many young people. A niche for them is frivolous women who have poorly mastered the concepts of family honor and female dignity, easily believing in love. Such adventurism in love is not uncommon, it destroys souls, sometimes causes unnecessary jealousy and strife. One or two such "wandering" women can put a stain on thousands of good, faithful wives, and not thinking about treason. It is hard when there are such people among bachelors who have not yet known family warmth. And it’s really bad when such a dirty, dependent woman starts a family. The position of the man who became her husband is terrible.
Life shows that an independent woman, even with long, measured in years, interruptions in sexual life associated with the absence of a husband, and strong sexual arousal, is able to cope with temptation and not become a "thing". This once again proves that the depravity in a woman comes not from temperament, not from her biological need for it, but from a lack of independence and education. But this is a purely philosophical remark of the author on social topics, so to speak, the author's digression. Let's take a closer look at the issues of physical intimacy between a man and a woman. This will help us understand how to behave in bed.
Many people know that sometimes a woman groans or screams from an excess of voluptuousness during intercourse (the so-called Dunglas screams). Men should appreciate this for granted, as a recognition of male success and skill. Such men can be the envy of their colleagues. In no case do not laugh at such a woman, do not condemn her, as this can cause her great mental trauma.
It also happens that a woman in bed is as active as she can, and a man is not prepared for sexual intercourse, the cavernous bodies of his penis are not filled with blood to the best condition. Let women not think that men have nothing to prepare for, that they are always ready. The opinion is erroneous, often leading to sexual misunderstandings. Everyone should know that the state of the nervous system at the time of intercourse is of great importance: a man can be upset, distracted or distracted by something, and it is the duty of a woman to take measures to ensure that her husband calms down, comes to his senses, caresses him with gentle treatment, warm heartfelt conversation to take him away from the worries of the day before. And most importantly, you should prepare him for intercourse with affection, which you, as women, are more capable and generous than men, and which you are naturally gifted to a greater extent than they are.
Hug him, excite his tongue with your tongue, stroke his body, take the sleeping member in your hands and gently, softly massage him into an elastic state. Don't be ashamed of your actions! Elasticity, that is, the ability of a penis to be inserted into the female genital organs, depends largely on you, the woman! Try, and you will be rewarded, sexual intercourse will definitely take place and will bring you a lot of voluptuous sensations.
Never infringe on your husband's pride, and even worse, do not injure him nervous system hints of temporary sexual failure, or he will stop believing in himself. Instead of reproaches, with a gentle feminine approach, advise you to consult a doctor (if sexual intercourse does not work out for you at all) - and he will find what needs to be done. Separate advice ladies and I, but later.
If sexual intercourse is not planned or something may interfere with it,never bring your sexual organs into excitement. Closeness and affectionnot allowed sexually, bring great mental harm to spouses.And another piece of advice: do not refuse your husband intercourse for nothing, give himopportunity to live a full life. Your refusal is not appropriate unless itnot justified by a painful condition or menstrual period. In such respectful cases, the recommendation to sleep separately from each other is useful, so as not to reduce the sexual feeling.
Both from the body of a man and from the body of a woman, specific stimuli emanate, which excite the sexual sphere. The sight and smell of a woman's genitals (meaning the physiological smell), as well as other parts of the body, just like the look of a man's aroused penis, already in themselves dispose the spouses to sexual intercourse.
Just as it is harmful for the stomach to contemplate delicious food for a long time and not touch it (even in a state of incomplete hunger), so, to simplify, it is harmful to the psyche and genital organs of a man and woman to be in a state of sexual excitement for a long time without an act of copulation. Believe that this sexual feeling can only suffer. If a similar phenomenon occurs again or more often, then their sexual attraction to each other, the taste for copulation and craving for it, will inevitably be dulled. So, we conclude. There are only two rules for the behavior of spouses in bed, following which they can count on a beautiful and emotional sexual intercourse that gives high pleasure:
- insert the penis into the vagina only when bothcopulatory body are fully prepared for this (kindly and elasticmale penis and female clitoris, and the vagina is sufficiently lubricatedglands of sexual secretion);
- mutual caresses should be used only when both of youset up for sexual intercourse and feel that no circumstanceswill not interfere with its implementation.
Equally important to sexual intercourse can be the state of the bodymen and women - purity. It is very important that the genitals are even cleaner face. Women should especially remember this. Preparing the body for sexual intercourse, she must bring her genitals into a perfectly hygienic condition. There should be no breath and physical smell of the genitals. Very often, a woman’s unclean body and all kinds of smells repel a man so much that when he goes to bed with a woman and wants to have all the delights of copulation with her, the man refuses intercourse, his penis falls off, loses its elasticity and strength.
Make this rule: a woman every day, preferably in the morning and evening before intercourse, and once (before going to bed) must wash her genitals with soap, observing the following sequence: open the small lips with your hand and wash first the clitoris, large lips and move to the perineum. Organs should be washed with warm boiled water. After the water procedure, wipe the organs dry with a gauze swab or soft towel. Some women are also advised to douche the vagina with a weak solution of manganese. It is good at eliminating odor and disinfecting the vagina. Men should also wash their genitals with warm water and soap before each intercourse, as dirt, semen residues can be brought into the vagina and cause a gynecological disease of the woman you love.
Women! Keep your husband's organs clean. This is important for your health! A few words about shame. Very often it happens like this: spouses are ashamed of each other. Is it normal? A woman does not allow herself to be caressed with her hand, she considers it almost blasphemy to caress, in turn, her husband's penis. This is a false, unnecessary shame, which must be abandoned once and for all. There can be no shame in a woman or a man, if they are together, theyit is allowed to do to each other everything that excites them, excites them, sets them upfor healthy sexual intercourse.
A mature woman should have regular sexual intercourse, exceptmenstrual period. The frequency of sexual intercourse should be regulated depending on the level of hormones in the blood, that is, on the need of marital organisms for sexual discharge. It is correct if a woman and a man have intercourse every other day or two, with a gap of 5-7 days during the ovulation period, when the possibility of becoming pregnant is too great for a woman.
A woman should remember that during intercourse she should make oncoming movements with her body, as if moving her sexual organ towards the male. But many women do not understand the importance of this, they lie motionless during the act, believing, apparently, that the woman's business is to spread her legs and let the penis into the vagina.
A woman should not be so colorless, uninteresting! Feeling a male member in the vagina is only half the battle. You have to work your hips, "bent out" under a man, as gambling women say. Only they, your body movements do not allow the male member to wilt in the vagina! Only they allow you to sweetly "plant" two copulatory organs on top of each other. And if a woman is embarrassed by such movements, lies, then by doing this she dooms the wonderful act of copulation to a rather insipid and tasteless affair.
Try to change the position, wrap your arms around your husband, cross your legs more comfortably (or put them on the man's shoulders), moving to the beat of your partner's movements - and you will get great pleasure from intercourse. This behavior of the wife will be much more appreciated by the husband than before, when you lay bashfully and indifferently, obviously afraid that your actions would be a clear recognition of the pleasure you experience. Scream with happiness and pleasure, don't be ashamed of your husband!! !
And finally, about intercourse positions. Posture is paramountand is not caused by the degree of depravity of a man, as many people think, butthe location of the woman's genitals. It should be noted that the choice of positionfor intercourse plays an important role in achieving voluptuousness in manysexual partners and at the same time ignorance of the positions in which it is easiest tovoluptuousness appears, serves common cause family quarrels and divorces.Sometimes it is enough just to change the position or put it under the womana pillow, as the situation in bed will change dramatically in favor of reciprocity. Why is this so, you ask?
The fact is that the genital gap in women is located differently, in someclose to the anus, low (small perineum), others exactly alongcenter (normal perineum), in others - high, close to the stomach.Among men, there is such terminology: the female genital organ withthe lower location of the genital slit is a sipovka, with a high one - a queen, andnormal organ - okay.
The names are pretty accurate. Indeed, during intercourse with a "sipovka" best effect gives a pose - a man from behind, a woman stands backwards to the member in the knee-elbow position, as if "sitting" on him.
Voluptuous in sexual intercourse with a woman - a queen is most easily achieved when the woman is placed on top of the man (queen). And only with a woman "okay" (the genitals of a man get along in any way), you can apply poses without restrictions.
Let us dwell in detail on each variant of the topographic anatomy of the genital organs of women and, accordingly, recommend the best position for copulation.
Genital slit high (queen)- intercourse in a conventional way, i.e., a man on top, a woman on the bottom, may not be effective enough. Other methods should be recommended: intercourse on the side, as well as a woman on top. The knee-elbow method practically does not find application.
The genital gap is located low - "sipovka"- copulation with such a woman in the usual way is of little use, since a man even with a long penis does not reach the vagina, and if he succeeds in doing this, then he penetrates the vagina only halfway. If you change the position, then the spouses will remain dissatisfied with each other. Hence the quarrels and divorces, the man begins to change. In this case, the woman most often blames the man for having a small dick (although she understands that this man is fine with another woman, for example, with "okay"). And the matter is much simpler. No need to quarrel. No tragedy needed. You just need to find a position that is comfortable for intercourse and both will enjoy it.
There are two such ways:
1.KNEE-ELBOW. The woman gets on her knees and elbows, her butt is slightly raised and the genital gap, as it were, turns outward. from the side of the buttocks. The man also kneels, which is why his penis is on the same level with the woman's labia. The man freely inserts the penis into the vagina and makes copulatory movements with the penis (leads it back and forth), while holding the woman by the hips. This position of copulation is very widespread in wildlife, in particular, in mammals. Before our eyes, it is in this position that the sexual life of domestic animals takes place.
2. The woman lies down as usual, but does not spread her legs, but lifts them up and puts them on the shoulders of a man(men call it "in an officer's way", apparently for the reason that the woman's legs lie on the shoulders of the sexual partner like shoulder straps). This method is contraindicated for some women. Then we can recommend a variety: the woman lies across the bed, her legs are taken in her hands. A man is standing by the bed, his penis is inserted into the vagina. Copulation is carried out by the movements of both: the man by tact, the woman by rolling her legs towards. It is good for a woman to hang her organ from the bed or give it a downward slope by placing a pillow under the pelvis.
There is another way: a woman sits on the penis of a lying man and, bending slightly, leans on the bed with outstretched arms. Spring with half-bent legs, the woman pushes the vagina onto the male penis (this method will be described in more detail below). Here you can also mention intercourse through the ass (fish). The woman lies down under the man with her stomach down and slightly exposes her butt. The man lays down on top, introduces a penis into the genital slit and, while the woman is pleasantly playing with her back, gives pleasure to her husband and herself. With the central position of the genital gap - "okay" - intercourse with such women is most pleasant. It happens usually, but we can talk about pleasant varieties that we recommend using 1-2 times a week.
The woman sits on her husband's lap facing him. A man sits on the edge of a chair or bed, during this sexual intercourse, the vagina, as it were, is put on the penis tightly to the largest labia. The slightest touch or movement gently tickles the womb and brings the woman into ecstasy. An inexperienced woman in caresses will not appreciate this method at first, but gradually she will understand all its advantages. The fact is that this is perhaps the only option for the closest contact between the genitals of a man and a woman, and with the right adjustment of the degree of contact of the head of the penis with the cervix (a woman does this empirically) brings the highest pleasure to both a man and a woman. Not without reason, Maupassant called this method "sweet jump together." He really leaves an exceptionally sweet impression. Women using this method need to learn one thing: to skillfully direct the male member to the cervix, otherwise it will rest against the vaginal arch, bringing nothing but pain, but in general, experts recognize this method of intercourse as one of the physiologically correct and rich sensations.
In conclusion about the methods, we can say that they are all equally good.. If used in turn, they can provide the necessary variety of sexual emotions. This refreshes the senses, gives them color, novelty, enhances the pleasure received from physical intimacy. There is every reason to believe that after reading this article, you will look at your relationship with your husband differently in many ways. Dear women, give your husband your whole body in caress and answer the same yourself. Then you will feel hot in bed, and the night will be full of delight and mutual admiration.
It's just hard to believe that your breasts and genitals are designed to never be seen by a man, and you, in turn, have not seen the mysteries of the swelling of the male organ. Indeed, even in nature, the male caresses the female before copulation. You have nothing to be ashamed of your organs - they are very beautiful!
The beauty of the genital organs is worth talking about especially. How many wonderful male sculptures, where a man is depicted naked, have come down to our days from ancient tribes and peoples! We will not talk about men: they are beautiful even naked, although they do not contain an antique figure. And the woman? She's even better and that's not flattering.
In addition to the charming outlines of the figure, among the attributes of the female body that excite a man, the vulva itself (the Latin name for the external genitalia of a woman) also looks pleasant. Individual copies of them are simply magnificent: a lush pubis (Venus slide), a beautiful triangle of soft hair, almost closed arches of large lips. And well-developed small lips form, as it were, a pink flower above the entrance to the vagina. Spread the petals of a flower - and you will go to heaven: a warm and tender vagina is ready to provide all the caresses to the male member.
So, my advice: do not be ashamed of your genitals - thesebeautifully crafted organs of love! Let them get their sharepleasures, will brighten up your worries and difficulties of life. Remember that lifeman is short, and sex life is even shorter! It is estimated at approximately20-25 years for women and 30-33 years for men, these years are for a personbrightest in life. Whoever missed the moment of the most favorable beginning of sexual life (for girls 18-21 years old, boys 23-25 years old), he has already irretrievably lost several of his best years. True, they will be the best in the presence of a deep feeling that binds the spouses and in the presence of caresses. No wonder in ancient Rome and Greece there was worship of the genitals, and the ability of sexual partners to caress each other sometimes ceased to be only an art, but reached the heights of science.
So take full advantage of the great power of the impact of caresses and sexual games on the bodies of men and women! Give joy to each other every day. What could be more beautiful than reciprocity, well-coordinated family happiness, expressed in the bright and passionate attraction of spouses to each other. This lecture was repeatedly given to men and women when they came to me for advice. Everything that I wrote in it is based on many years of observations by scientists of the sexological front and the life experience of a pathosexologist.
If you have any questions, do not contact your friends, in most cases their advice can only hurt, but consult a doctor for help (well, of course, not a therapist). In conclusion, I will say that chapter 1, as intended for the general reader, was published by me in 1967 as a separate pamphlet with a circulation of 15 thousand copies. and dispersed instantly. An endless stream of letters fell upon the editorial office and the author. Readers asked literally about everything that has even the slightest relation to the world of a person's intimate life.
Human sexual, marriage and reproductive programs have a number of unique specific features:
- hidden ovulation
- explicit secondary sexual characteristics as the basis of a woman's sexual attractiveness
- the constant readiness of a woman to mate from the moment of her puberty, resulting in the hypersexuality of the species Homo
- difficult and painful childbirth
- longest period of childhood
- implementing a sustainable sex-for-food reward mating strategy
- "war of the sexes" in marriage unions
- and what is most unusual, the parallel coexistence of several systems of marriage at once.
One of the detailed answers to the question about the expediency of all these unique features is given in the article "On Marriage Relations". We offer you a somewhat abridged and slightly revised version of it. The original text can be found here.
Four Human Marriage Programs
In the foreseeable period, humanity has had four marital relations:
- group marriage
- polygyny - one man and several women
- polyandry - one woman and several men (a rarity that existed among one of the peoples of Indochina)
- monogamy in two forms - lifelong marriage and marriage allowing divorce.
A single family without a father met only as an inclusion in the marriage system adopted by society. By our time, polyandry has disappeared, only a few have retained group marriage, polygyny has been greatly reduced, but remains among millions of Muslims, and monogamy has expanded, but marriage with divorce does not dominate for life. Single family began to meet more often.
The existence of several marriage systems in Man is an extremely surprising fact, because the marriage system is the most important species characteristic: one kind of animal has only one system and cannot accept any other, it will contradict its nature, its instincts. So why do Humans naturally coexist with multiple marriage programs? I invite readers to think about this.
Difficult question about sex
The question is natural: where did a person get such an excessive need in comparison with the reproductive need for regular sexual intercourse, what does it serve? After all, everything in nature has or had some purpose. There is no such thing in any animal species, and the ability of a woman to have sex continuously from the moment of puberty, the same unique feature of man as the use of fire and speech. But if this is a feature of a person, then it arose and is closely connected with the process of the emergence of a person. This is not a vestige, but a new acquisition, the same as walking upright or making tools. Amazing, isn't it? And it's not clear.
Before we get to the answer to the question, consider the sexual and mating programs of animals.
Animal sex programs
In animals, reproductive behavior forms a cycle of successive instinctive reactions. Under the influence of an external factor, for example, a certain length of daylight hours or an internal "calendar", reproductive system the animal goes from inactive to active. This is communicated to individuals of the opposite sex by a change appearance, the release of a special smell or special sounds. The demonstration leaves indifferent individuals with a non-activated reproductive system, but for those who are activated, it unlocks, like a key unlocks a lock, response instinctive programs. As a result, competition begins, which provides individuals of the opposite sex who observe it with the opportunity to choose a mating partner and stratifies the competitors. It spurs on the successful, and suppresses the losers, preventing the genes of weak individuals from passing to the next generation.
But, one way or another, in the vast majority of species, the reproductive system of both males and females is activated once a year for a short mating season. The rest of the time it is inactive. If the offspring take more than a year to achieve independence, females either skip the next breeding season (large birds of prey, for example), or enter into a new breeding, having dependent cubs with them (bears, wolves, lions, monkeys).
There is a variation when only females are cyclic, and males retain the ability to mate constantly. Such are cats, dogs, monkeys, including anthropoids. Therefore, there is nothing unique in the fact that a man is always ready and capable of sexual intercourse, it is inherited from his primate ancestors.
Animal mating programs
The initiative to choose a partner is always one-sided. One gender chooses and the other agrees or disagrees. In some species, the choice initiative for females, in others for males. Usually those who are chosen are more brightly decorated and show more of themselves. The choosing individual chooses among the applicants who have pecked at it. So it is with man. But not among his closest relatives the great apes: in them the female is completely depressed and deprived of any choice.
In the instinctive programs of the female, the goal is to provide the offspring with genes from an outstanding male. But in species where the male takes care of the female and offspring, the program to “provide the offspring with elite genes” conflicts with the program to “bind the male to himself and to the offspring for the entire reproductive period.” When broken down into stable pairs, there are not enough elite males for everyone, so some females have to be content with what they get. Until recently, it was believed that in species with stable pairs, females are strict monogamous. However, it turned out that in several species of songbirds, quite often the spouse is not the genetic father of some or even all the chicks in the nest. The female chose a spouse, according to the program “provide care for herself and the offspring”, but under the influence of the program “provide offspring with elite genes”, she brought chicks from another male who was already busy. Studies of this kind, conducted several years ago, found that in humans, approximately 15% of men bring up genetic offspring that are not their own, without suspecting it.
In monogamous species, the female chooses a spouse not only according to external signs, but also according to the prospects to provide conditions for her and her offspring. Females of territorial species check the quality of the nesting site occupied by the male. If you like a site, then you like a male, a male without a site is not a male at all. Such behavior of women does not violate any commandments of nature, rather, on the contrary, obeys them. If the male has the duty to feed the female and chicks, it is checked how capable he is of this. Ritual feeding has also been preserved among people - the more wasteful the caring man, the more attractive he is.
The choice of a potential partner is fixed in the brain by the formation of a dominant that is directed only to this individual, exaggerating its attractive qualities in subjective perception and diminishing its shortcomings. The dominant turns the selected individual from one of several into the only possible one. Without its "blinding" action, the animal would hesitate in choosing, because it is far from always possible to meet a partner that meets the ideal. A person calls this dominant love, its blinding effect is obvious, especially when observing it from the side.
dominance in marriage
In the animal world, the dominance of one of the sexes is natural, predetermined and does not cause violent resistance from the other sex.
Very often during the period of mating in animals there is an inversion of dominance. For some period, usually shortly before mating, the male passes into a subordinate position and in every possible way demonstrates to the female his humility and care. If this is a species in which the male does not participate in the subsequent care of the offspring, then after mating, a reverse dominance inversion occurs.
As for primates, in some of them an inversion of dominance is observed, but only for the mating period, in other species of primates, including all great apes, there is no inversion at all - their female is absolutely suppressed, always.
The patriarchal structure of the family (the power of the father) is not surprising for a person - this is a property of primates. The simple logic of marriage with complete equality of the sexes, humane and reasonable, is unexpectedly difficult for us to accept precisely because ancient instincts are working against it. The matriarchy of primitive people was invented by armchair science in the 19th century. If social processes in civilized societies from ancient rome led to the emancipation of women until now, this has always been accompanied by a decrease in the stability of the family.
A sustainable reward mating strategy
In the vast majority of species, fertilization immediately terminates "all love." The male loses interest in the female, and she to the male, moreover, under the influence of hormones that change the motivation of behavior, reacts to courtship very aggressively.
Therefore, the already mentioned continuous ability of a woman to have sexual contacts refers to biological riddles. There must have been reasons for such a profound change in the physiology and behavior of one of the sexes. Charles Darwin in The Descent of Man attached great importance to the action of sexual selection. Later, human specialists began to ignore its significance. But Darwin's ideas, as you know, tend to be confirmed: in the light of modern data, we must admit that the old man was right again - in the course of evolution, man went through a period of enhanced sexual selection. For what?
We guessed for the sake of what, but there was no known species that would allow us to "simulate" the path leading to the constancy of women's sexual activity by example. This species has recently been studied. These are vervet monkeys living in group marriage. In vervets, the mating period occurs synchronously for all females once a year (in this respect they are typical non-human apes), but stretched until the second half of pregnancy (here, in terms of the duration of readiness for sexual intercourse, they somewhat resemble women). During the period of sexual activity, the female manages to mate with most of the males in the group, and all of them share food with her, as they are in a subordinate state, which lasts until the female can mate. The more sexually active a female is, the more food she has for herself and her embryos, the more males consider her cubs to be their own. So if one of the males dies or goes to another group, the cub does not remain without a father. Vervets managed to overcome the principle of complete male dominance, so typical for primates, by stretching the inversion of female dominance before mating, thereby providing care for the female and offspring.
Marriage programs in primates as a prototype of humans
AT family relationship primates bear little resemblance to humans, but their mating programs allow us to trace the supposed evolution of Human mating programs.
In orangutans, one of the tree-dwelling species, males do not fight over females, do not care for them or their cubs. Gorillas live on the ground and trees in the forest, in groups with complete dominance by one male, who, however, allows subordinates to mate with their females. They are completely overwhelmed by the males, who do not lek in front of them, neither feed them nor the cubs. Chimpanzees live in a more open landscape and spend a lot of time on the ground. Their groups are larger, and their relationships are warmer and more diverse. Males form a not so strict hierarchy, but females are not jealous, do not show up in front of them and do not feed. In gibbons, which separated from the common trunk of ancestors somewhat earlier than anthropoids, family relationships. The family consists of a male, one or two females and children. Grown-up children of both sexes are expelled. In places of feeding, families unite in groups.
Many experts believe that the original structure of the community of human ancestors during the arboreal lifestyle resembled the structure of gibbons. The main argument in favor of initial monogamy is the preservation of the instinct of jealousy in humans, which is weakened or absent altogether in monkeys with group forms of marriage. In favor of the presence in the evolution of man of the period of pair marriage is evidenced by the presence in men, albeit a weak, but still undoubted need, and without sex, to take care of their woman and her children, which anthropoids are completely deprived of. But if human ancestors had always remained monogamous, then they would not need encouraging mating and permanent readiness of the female for it: the male already considers the children and the female his own and is ready to take care of them and protect them. In such a situation, excessive sexual activity is an irrational, therefore dangerous, waste of energy. It is needed in a group marriage like a vervet. Therefore, ethologists agree with ethnographers: at some stage of evolution, the ancestors of man turned to group marriage, but with the care of the great men about the great women.
While human ancestors lived in trees, they were not very afraid of enemies, and the combination of paired families with group ownership of the territory corresponded to the characteristics of their habitat. When they descended to the ground and began to explore open landscapes, where there are many predators from which there is nowhere to hide, their groups had to rally into a defensive system, as happened for the same reasons with baboons and, to a lesser extent, with chimpanzees partially remaining under cover of trees. and gorillas. In addition, due to the transition to feeding on rhizomes and plant seeds, they have lost the main defensive weapon of primates - sharp, protruding fangs. Such fangs do not allow the jaws to make the lateral movements needed when grinding hard rhizomes and seeds. The fangs also prevented the development of articulate speech, a radical evolutionary advantage that enabled evolution.
Preservation in a hierarchically cohesive social group paired sex relationships are difficult, which was demonstrated by gorillas, chimpanzees, baboons, who switched to the "socialization" of females either by all males in the group, or by hierarchs. At the same time, the males completely suppressed the females, they do not feed either them or their offspring, the females quite cope with this themselves, since the main food of anthropoids - shoots and leaves - is in abundance. However, human ancestors went a slightly different way - they switched to group marriage, but with increased male care for females and children, for which there were good reasons. And it was at this stage that Prague women underwent serious evolutionary changes.
evolutionary sprint
In the late forties, a remarkable Soviet researcher, human geneticist S.N. Davidenkov put forward a hypothesis: the biological evolution from monkey to man was exceptionally fast at the last stage. Natural selection solved a lot of completely new problems, very quickly, as if in rough outline. If man continued to evolve as normal, all decisions would eventually be polished by natural selection. But at the very height of the biological evolution of man, an unprecedented thing happened - he largely left the influence of natural selection unfinished and unfinished. And stayed that way forever.
The way out from under the action of selection is due to the fact that the main condition for success was not genetically transmitted information, which is tested by natural selection, but knowledge transmitted by non-genetic mechanisms. The advantage was gained not by those Homo who are biologically better arranged and adapted, but by those who learn faster and better use the non-genetic that grows with each generation about how to keep warm, get food, defend themselves, in general, how to survive. One of the causes of fangs in Man has already been mentioned above - they interfered with the development of complex articulate articulation, and this is a condition for the emergence of speech, which has become the main mechanism for obtaining and transmitting non-genetic knowledge. Other consequences of specialization in intelligence were a large head and the transition to a constant upright posture: bipedalism is a consequence of the development of the brain and abstract thinking, which has reached the stage of creating and using means of production, for which it was necessary to constantly free hands. As a result of rapid selection for intelligence, the contradiction between the huge head of the child and the woman's pelvis, which did not expand enough due to the need to walk upright, remained unresolved. Therefore, childbirth is difficult, painful and dangerous.
Specialization "in intelligence" was accompanied by an inevitable lengthening of the period of study: it is not enough to have big brain, it still needs to be filled with knowledge, and this is done successfully only during the period when new structures and connections are formed in it, that is, in childhood, before the onset of puberty. Therefore, childhood in humans, compared with mammals of similar sizes, is extremely extended. Humanoid primates reach independence by three or four years, and sexual maturity by six to ten years. A person matures sexually by the age of twelve or fourteen, and becomes independent not earlier than this period, but more often later. And all these years, a human child needs care, guardianship and education, is less independent than a humanoid cub.
For the human race to continue, the "average" mother must raise at least two children to independent age. It is believed that a primitive woman, like the anthropoids, had a child every three to four years. For the second and third children to become adults, the mother must live sixteen to twenty years after puberty. And the average life expectancy of primitive man was twenty-five years, the same as that of anthropoids. Over the years, both mother and father had a very high chance of death. It is clear that the paired family in such conditions became unacceptable, to which we will return.
In part, the problem of early mortality was offset by the fact that in humans, as in chimpanzees, mothers are helped in caring for children by her sisters and older daughters. This is why girls have a strong instinctive need to babysit younger siblings. If there are none, then the girls nurse the dolls; if there are no dolls, they are able to create them themselves. But this mutual assistance at the level of one sex does not solve the problem. Mothers weighed down with children can get their livelihood only by gathering mainly plant foods. However, the human brain during its development needs to be supplied with proteins of animal origin, including proteins from vertebrates. Otherwise, the so-called alimentary insanity sets in - the child becomes stupid, unable to learn. Animal food can be caught, caught and killed only by men who are not related by children.
Therefore, in human ancestors, the survival and full development of the offspring depended on whether it was possible to force the males to take care of him and the females. Selection solved this problem in an extravagant way, somewhat similar to the solution for vervets. Using the innate inversion of pre-mating female dominance as an initial springboard, he began to reinforce and prolong it, making the female permanently attractive to the male and constantly ready for reward mating, which made it possible to implement the sex-for-food strategy on an ongoing basis. If the female managed to keep the male near her, her children survived, if not, they died.
Solving this problem by natural selection was not so easy, since both the sexual programs of mammals and the far-reaching dominance of males over females in higher primates contradicted it. In the vast majority of mammals, incl. and in primates, females at the time of ovulation show signs that openly demonstrate their readiness to mate for reproductive purposes. It is only during these short periods that females are attractive to males, and they enter into a struggle for the right to be elected, courting and making offerings. The rest of the time males are sexually indifferent to females.
In order to change this habitual program, in the process of evolution, the signs demonstrating ovulation disappeared in the Homo sapiens species, thereby depriving the males of the idea of when exactly the female is ready for reproductive mating. Therefore, from the point of view of the built-in program for the transfer of their genes, it made sense to constantly make attempts to mate. Plus, the females developed pronounced secondary sexual characteristics, which replaced the demonstration of ovulation in this capacity, which made them sexually attractive to mature males on an ongoing basis. And since male primates are by nature always ready to mate, the changes that have taken place have become the basis of Human hypersexuality, clearing the way for regular sex, among other things, a constant source of pleasure. But the goal of evolution was by no means concern for pleasure, but the solution of a more fundamental problem of the survival of females and offspring in the process of evolutionary complication of the brain.
Evolutionary disadvantages of monogamy
The increased and permanent attractiveness of the female could theoretically contribute to monogamous relationships, but this was hindered by the main problem - the insufficient life expectancy of the parents. The selectivity of monogamy is accompanied by a clear division by males of females and children into friends and foes, while during the maturation of the offspring, the probability of the death of the male breadwinner from illness or on the hunt, where he was in constant danger, was very high. In such a system of marriage, the cub would remain without a father, which would automatically doom the offspring to starvation: none of the other males would, in conditions of food shortage, and he was permanent, feed other people's children with a threat to his own survival, even for good sex on the side . Therefore, from the point of view of the female, limiting rewarding sex to loyalty to one person, given the low life expectancy, scarcity of food resources, and long childhood period, would be a destructive strategy. Such a fundamental lack of monogamy was resolved in group marriage, in which the cub was not deprived of male custody in the event of the death of the biological father, because many, perhaps all, males in the group treat him as their own.
There was another aspect that played against monogamy. Proto-humans lived together in large groups. Males have grown catastrophically smarter, moreover, they have turned into permanently preoccupied because of the demonstrative sexual attractiveness of females constantly ready for mating. Therefore, all as one were ready not only to offer food in exchange for sex, but also to show remarkable imagination, invention, eloquence and cunning, seeking the favor of the female. In order to prevent the mating of his partner with competitors under such conditions, the male would not even have time to go to the toilet, not to mention hunting. And who needs him like this - not a breadwinner, but a loving homebody? It remains to be added that the high selectivity of females accompanying monogamy would inevitably limit the total volume of sexual contacts in the group, which, under pack conditions, would lead to a high level of intragroup aggression of constantly sexually provoked males.
Since a group marriage was preceded by a monogamous one, the programs of the latter were preserved and also influenced behavior, primarily jealousy. So, apparently, a person did not reach the idyllic, conflict-free group marriage of vervets. It is more likely that within the framework of a group marriage, the Prague woman strove for a compromise option - to have one stronger connection and some auxiliary ones. It is also possible that, in view of the jealousy of the foremen, it was more convenient for her not to advertise auxiliary connections intentionally.
By the way, the theory of matriarchy grew out of one fact - in some peoples in ancient times children were named not by their father, but by their mother, but it reflects the uncertainty of paternity that is inevitable in a group marriage, and not the “power of women” that is absolutely impossible in primitive life.
Return to monogamy
The subsequent transition to monogamy is an exclusively social project, the opportunity to implement which presented itself only after reaching the level of development of productive forces and social relations, which made it possible to remove the restrictions discussed above:
- overcoming the state of constant shortage of food resources
- increase in life expectancy to a level that ensures the independent upbringing of offspring by the family
- the ability to ensure the extraterritoriality of the family in the tribe - meaning the presence of a separate, albeit the most elementary dwelling
- the adoption by society of moral restrictions and laws that support the return from group marriage to monogamy.
The correlation of the return to monogamy with the economy is set out in The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State by F. Engels.
Symbiosis of dominance strategies in marriage
In any young family, there is an explicit or implicit competition between two strategies: the newly acquired strategy of dominating females before mating based on rewarding sex and the older strategy of absolute male dominance inherited from primates. The current situation is often referred to as a "war of the sexes".
In a normal family, both strategies coexist because each is optimal for some goals and fails for others. The situation when, as a result of rivalry, one of the strategies completely suppresses the other, is undesirable from the point of view and stability of the family in long term, and socialization outside the family of grown-up children.
The reason for the plurality of marriage programs
The coexistence of monogamous and group marriage programs allows, by combining them, to get polygyny (polygamy) - women live according to a monogamous marriage program, and a man according to a group marriage program, polyandry (polyandry) - a woman lives according to a group marriage program, and men - monogamous, and, of course , monogamous or group marriage in pure form. Therefore, in the future, with changes in living conditions, people could so easily switch to different systems of marital relations. For example, monogamy was most suitable for farmers, while polygyny was more suitable for nomadic pastoralists.
The presence in the process of evolution of successively different marriage programs and the incredible speed of Human evolution on final stage are the reason why the programs inherited from our ancestors are so contradictory and ambiguous, while in other species they are coordinated and adapted to each other: in animals, all new programs are implemented clearly and unambiguously, and the ancient ones that they replaced are suppressed.
Now it is clear to you - for ethologists, many oddities of human sexual-marital behavior are decipherable. Much in this area we can understand and explain, but almost nothing can be canceled or corrected. Instincts sit in us and influence our behavior and consciousness. That is why the contradictions between sexual, marriage, family instincts and norms of social behavior remained unresolved. Therefore, so often we behave unsuccessfully, even simply badly, both in the case when we are guided by instincts, and in the case when we consciously strive to go against them.
People often forget that the culture of their country is not the culture of the whole world. In different countries, people live by their own rules, and these rules can be quite amazing to strangers. The cultures of the countries listed below use incredibly strange rituals that we have had a hard time understanding.
1. Parents in Cambodia build their daughters separate sex huts
When a young girl from the Kreung tribe comes of age, her parents, according to tradition, build a small hut for her close to home. In these "love huts" girls can have sex without worrying that their parents will eavesdrop on them.
In the culture of this tribe, girls are encouraged to sleep with as many young men as possible in order to find a suitable husband. Most often, these are just meetings, without any obligations associated with premarital sex, and all this is limited to “love huts”. If a young man is interested in a girl, she invites him to her "apartment" for an intimate evening, during which they may (or may not) have sex.
It all depends on how good the chosen one is. But regardless of the outcome of the date, the young man will have to leave the hut at dawn, since a young woman and a young man are not allowed to appear in public together unless they are officially husband and wife.
The girls are in complete control of the process, and the rejected young men dutifully leave their huts if the girls decide these guys aren't good enough for them. Level domestic violence and the rape rate in this tribe is practically zero.
Of course, there is a lot of sex in the "love huts", but this is not their only purpose. They exist primarily to give girls a safe way to find their best life partner, with parents having full confidence in their daughters to make these kinds of decisions.
2. Women of marriageable age are being force-fed in Mauritania
We tend to forget that beauty standards are not universal. For example, in Western culture, in film and television, a slim woman is considered beautiful. However, if you are a girl and live in Mauritania (West Africa), then in order to attract a husband and become beautiful enough, you will have to hit the gluttony, as it was in the famous movie "Seven".
In rural areas of Mauritania, it is believed that a fat woman will make the best wife. Fullness is seen as a kind of wealth and status symbol, and if a person has a full wife, then it is believed that he takes very good care of her.
In other words, the fatness of women in Mauritania is something of a "sex currency". That is why in some areas of Mauritania there are special "farms" where older women of the community determine young girls. There the girls are forcibly fed huge quantities couscous and liters of milk, until the girls are attractive enough.
In some cases, when a girl cannot withstand such a "regime", she may be beaten as a punishment.
Recently, the government has begun trying to eradicate the practice, warning about the dangers of obesity in every possible way, and even spreading new folk songs about slender, beautiful girls in order to sideline the 500-pound beauty queens.
3. Newlyweds in Borneo can't use the restroom for three days
In many cultures, the period before the wedding is the most stressful time for the bride and groom. And usually after the wedding, the newlyweds have time to relax.
But among the people of the Tidong tribe in Borneo, the wedding is the simplest part of the ritual. After the wedding, newlyweds should have a bladder the size of a wine barrel, because neither the young husband nor his wife is allowed to use the bathroom for the next three days.
For some reason, the Tiedong came to the conclusion that bowel and bladder emptying during the first three days married life can lead to the destruction of marriage, to infertility, and even to the premature death of the children that have appeared.
To make sure that the happy couple does not betray their expectations and break with tradition, family members and other people in the community are responsible for keeping the couple in their home, and for bringing only the minimum necessary amount of drink and food there.
After the test of bladder and bowel strength is over, the couple is finally allowed to visit the restroom.
4 Men In Bhutan Break Into Houses And Infiltrate Women's Bedrooms
Young people in Bhutan participate in a ritual known as the "night hunt". This phrase means that a young man wanders around the neighborhood until he finds a house in which there is only one woman. Then the man breaks into the house, enters her bedroom, and tries to convince the woman to sleep with him. To you, all this may seem like an activity that in other cultures will easily lead either to prison or to a bullet in the forehead.
However, "night hunting" is a long-standing rural tradition in eastern Bhutan that at some point proved to be very popular and spread throughout the country.
It all starts like in most love stories: a man chooses a house, then to break a window there and quietly make his way to the bed of an unsuspecting sleeping woman. All this is often done in a collaborative effort: groups of young people gather late at night and roam the streets until they find a suitable home.
And now the most important thing: if during the "night hunt" the young man managed to break into the house, then he will have to marry the girl who lives there.
Interestingly, the situation is with a possible pregnancy. One guy from Bhutan who was interviewed about “night hunting” said: “Yes, there were times when some girls were pregnant, in which case the young man had to pay a “staff” to the family, for example, by digging a field, or giving his consent to marriage. That's right: the "penalty" for breaking into someone else's house and "making happy" someone's daughter can be anything - from an "aerial marriage" to doing field work with a shovel in your hands.
5. People in India tie the knot with trees to prevent misfortune.
If you live in India, and at some point met a person who makes your heart flutter, then you should hope that the planet Mars will not be against it. In India, astrology is taken very seriously, and if you or your partner happened to be born under the influence of Mars, then there is a high probability that your marriage will end in discord, poverty and death. And none of these results are mutually exclusive.
For those born under Mars who want to marry people in India, there is only one way out: before you tie the knot with another person, you must do the same with a tree.
Which is typical - literally.
Local custom says that it must certainly be a banana tree. And when it comes to curbing the fury of the Red Planet, it's best not to specify why it should be.
In addition, you can tie the knot with a statue of the god Vishnu if it is made of gold or silver, but banana trees are still preferable in this case (at least they are more affordable).
The rationale for all these intermediate weddings is this: if Mars is the first to “marry” a certain inanimate object, then his rage will affect this object, and not the unfortunate husband of some poor bride. And one more thing: it seems that the "fury of Mars" applies only to the first marriage. If a person under the influence of the Red Planet ever enters into a new marriage, then he will be concluded without weddings with trees.
All this may sound like some kind of mindless superstition, but it is a fairly common practice. Bollywood actress and former Miss World Aishwarya Rai, for example, married a tree before her real wedding after it was discovered she was under the influence of Mars.
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