I am 29 years old, my girlfriend is 26. We have been dating for three years. A month ago, I made her an offer of marriage, and she refused me, explaining that she did not want to get married yet. I did not expect such an answer.
We talked, it turned out that my proposal was too unexpected for her and she needed time to think. It's been a month and she still hasn't given me an answer. I recently returned to this conversation, to which I heard: “I love you, but first I want to take place, build a career and be a little more free.”
I cannot understand how a husband can interfere with development and career? And I don't know what to do. The more she thinks about my proposal, the more I begin to doubt her love.
Olga Son, psychologist:
- There are several reasons why a girl may refuse marriage:
- The girl does not consider the guy as a potential spouse. Perhaps she cannot rely on him or feels a potential threat to her peace of mind with him in everyday life (he is quick-tempered, demanding, aggressive). She may also doubt that he will live up to her expectations. And the girl does not leave this guy, because she is comfortable with him.
- The girl wants to build a career. To take place as a person, not to depend on anyone and to have the opportunity to leave at any moment. And marriage in this case can interfere, since the girl will have to devote part of her time to household chores, and not to work. The girl is convinced that family life"eats" the woman. But if a man can hire a cook, a cleaner, then the problem will disappear.
- Children. The girl is convinced that marriage is the obligatory birth of children. And she still does not want to become a mother.
In the situation that we are directly considering, the girl outlined her personal boundaries and made it clear to her partner that her career is now primary and she is not ready for marriage. In my opinion, if a couple cannot openly find out the fact of the presence or absence of love, this indicates that there is no trust between partners.
Now a man should check the relationship for sincerity or continue to waste time on unreasonable expectations, if it suits him.
Maria Weiss, sexologist:
- There is a belief that all girls want is to get married as soon as possible. These exist, but every year there are more and more girls who are in no hurry to the registry office.
There are several reasons for this:
- Fear of adulthood. The girl is young and, perhaps, she wants to have fun and enjoy life, and not “cook borscht”. Not all couples are able to share household chores and agree on housekeeping. Therefore, the girl is afraid that after marriage, the whole life will fall on her shoulders.
- Unwillingness to part with freedom. Now women are more independent and independent. For many, the chance to get financial well-being is not just about getting married successfully. They are looking for like-minded people, not sponsors.
- He does not see a joint future. A girl can love a man, but if she feels that she will not be happy with him and, most likely, she will not be able to make him happy either. Most importantly, she acknowledges it.
- Doubts. Perhaps, as soon as the man proposed to the girl, she doubted whether she was ready to spend her whole life next to this man. A man needs to be patient and help a girl deal with an internal conflict.
- Fear that the relationship will deteriorate after marriage. Perhaps the girl observed this in the relationship of her parents or acquaintances. If a man can calm her down, muffle her anxiety, then most likely everything will work out.
If a girl unexpectedly refuses to marry, listen to each other to understand and find out the true reasons for the refusal.
At least once in a lifetime, every girl thought about the wedding. I imagined the perfect dream dress, chose an outfit for the groom and thought about the guest list. Often women who are not in a relationship even think about it. And men don’t even understand why girls want to get married so much.
4 main reasons
- Maternal instinct
The most basic and understandable reason. Often it is so strong that a woman wants to have offspring as soon as possible and is ready to get married after school. It also happens that a woman marries only to give birth to a child in marriage, that is, a legitimate child.
- be happy
Girls, especially those who grew up in full and happy families want to repeat the fate of their happy parents, find that same prince and have the most beautiful children in the world. Therefore, getting married is so important for them and this is the most logical decision for them in life.
Psychologists have noticed a difference in the ability to create a family between girls from complete and incomplete families. Girls from incomplete families are often less able to create a strong family in the future.
- Fear of being alone
Makes a big impact. Of course, such fear is characteristic of both men and women, but the fair sex is more prone to it. A particularly strong fear arises in women after 30 years of age who have received a good education, made a decent career, and earn good money. Having done all this, such professionally successful women notice that there are more and more married girlfriends around them. And also a lot of young girls with whom it is quite difficult to compete for the heart of a man.
- Bind a man
It also happens that a woman, thanks to a wedding, wants to tie a man to her more strongly, thinking that this way he will not run away anywhere. Of course, this is a big mistake, because if the relationship is not strong, then no stamp in the passport can save them.
The impact of the outside world on the girl
- stereotypes
Stereotypes have a very big impact on a woman. They are so deep in the girl, her friends and relatives that even in modern world it is very difficult to get rid of them. Sympathetic, light sighs and plaintive shaking of the head that the girl is not yet married can unsettle anyone, even the most strong woman. And what about the phrase “old maid”, which is attributed to all girls after 25.
- Money
The financial side can also have an impact on a woman. This is not the case when a girl wants to get married, so that later she can get a divorce and get a certain fortune during the divorce, although this happens. It’s just easier for the two of us to run a household, to rent an apartment. This is very rational and makes life easier not only for a girl, but also for a man, provided that two people work.
- Religion
Different religious beliefs can push a girl towards marriage. If a girl was brought up with strict religious beliefs in a traditional family, then simple cohabitation will not suit her, therefore, in order to “not live in sin”, women want to get married.
There are several more reasons why girls want to get married:
- Get married to spite your parents. Sometimes women marry a chosen one who is clearly not to the liking of their parents in order to somehow take revenge on them.
- Be like all married friends.
- Parents want grandchildren, and grandparents want great-grandchildren. Often the desire of relatives pushes the girl to marriage. But then it turns out that the girl herself is not ready for this.
- I want the holiday that I have dreamed of all my life. Many have dreamed of a wedding since childhood, so many strive to get married as soon as possible, and only then they think whether it is worth it to have a stamp in their passport.
- status of wife and spouse. For many women, the position of a legal spouse in front of other people is important, perhaps for some this status seems more optimal, compared to the status of a single woman or a mistress.
Thus, the girl is influenced by various factors. But, of course, I want to believe that most often girls want to get married for love, they want to create a strong family based on trust and fidelity, and not on financial difficulties.
Difficulties in relationships
My girlfriend wants to get married but I don't
It is rather problematic to find a solution to the question: “What should I do if my girlfriend wants to get married?” There is nothing wrong with proposing to a girl to strengthen the relationship. However, if you are not ready, and she insists quite tightly, you have something to think about.
do you want to get married? Has your time come? More importantly, do you really want to marry this particular girl? Are you ready for this? For answers to these questions, look inside yourself. Perhaps you have never thought about marriage, but this girl is worth it. Or do you want to marry, but not this girl?
heart to heart
It's time to talk to your girlfriend. Why does she want to get married? Did she show her desire all of a sudden, or did she talk about it a long time ago? Perhaps she talked about marriage from the first days, and now she is sorting out warm feelings for you. It is also possible that her parents insist on marriage. Remember: a conversation with a girl on this topic will help to find her true thoughts.
hint at marriage
If you are serious about a girl, you may hint at marriage. No need to propose, just keep her always ready. There is nothing wrong with that.
Make up your mind
In any case, you must make a decision. If you have no intention of marrying this girl, be human and let her know. If she is obsessed with the idea of marriage, she will find another. You really love this girl and want to spend the rest of your life with her. You know the solution.
Run as fast as you've never run before
If she tells you about getting married on the first five dates, seriously, run. If she insists on a wedding for the first time 50 meetings - put a check mark on yourself. There is no reason to rush into marriage these days. Sometimes people think they have to get married before a certain age or before they graduate from college, and so they lash out at men. Spend time and have fun without any obligations. Remember, the answer to the question: "What if a girl wants to get married, but I don't?" - may be your departure.
Solution from a girl
Our editors received a letter in which the girl advised:
1) Let your girlfriend know that you will eventually marry her. Explain that you love her and want to spend your life with her, but there are reasons why you should not rush.
2) Buy her a ring. Can be donated wedding ring as a symbol of your most serious intentions. In some cases, a regular ring will do.
Do you want to propose to her but are afraid of rejection? How to determine her intentions and understand that your girlfriend does not mind walking with you to the sounds of Mendelssohn's march?
I still don't quite remember your face
But we went - bought two of some rings,
The organ played, everyone drank wine,
Your mother called me "son" for some reason.
I get it, it's a hint
I catch everything on the fly
But it's not clear what exactly you mean?
Song "What did you mean" Kortnev Alexey
The leader of the "Accident" group Alexei Kortnev in his song "What did you mean" for a long time could not understand what the girl wanted from him until he was under the crown, and soon in heaven. We doubt that your girlfriend wants to send you to the forefathers, but that she wants to get married is quite possible. But she will remain silent about it until the end, and you remain in the dark.
Are you sure that she loves you, but not sure that she wants to stay with you for life? And you want to propose to her, but you're afraid of rejection? Despite the power of love and gradually plunging into a relationship with a girl, you can not notice the main thing. Perhaps while you were maturing mentally and physically for something more serious, she is already ready to go all out and agree to your proposal. How to understand that your girlfriend wants to get married, but so far she is silent about it.!
Signs that she wants to get married
1. Talk about children
She talks or talks about children when she sees them on the street and just for no reason. Perhaps she is discussing who your common children would look like. She loves to lisp with your nephews, smiles and "flirts" with unfamiliar kids. By this, the girl shows that she is ripe for a more serious relationship, ready to become a mother and sees you as their father.
2. Intervention in life
The girl interferes in your life too zealously. She wants to know where you are, how you are and who you are with. All yours everyday life becomes a zone of her interests, and she tries to be there all the time. She helps you choose a suit or pick up something else in the store.
Sometimes a girl tries to make you interfere in her life. She invites you to choose her dress for the evening, determine her perfume scent or what she should wear to work/school/outing. It adapts to you and shows your togetherness. So the girl shows that although you are not a family in fact, you do everything as married people.
3. Infusion into the family
The girl wants to communicate with your parents, brothers, sisters and other 1001 relatives. She tries to please all your relatives, even those whom you can’t stand. The same goes for her parents, whom you visit regularly. You and your family spend holidays and buy gifts for them. It's like preparing yourself to be your wife and you to be your future husband.
4. Discussing the future
The girl discusses holidays, the future, finances, housing problems and other issues that are very long in time. By this, she confirms your suspicions of her intention to be with you longer than all former passions.
5. Acts like a wife
She calls you jokingly: "My husband." But you don't believe it's just that, do you? Your lifestyle and behavior are no different from a couple of newlyweds.
6. Joint life
The girl has long shared with you not only the bed, but also the shower, the kitchen and the sofa. Perhaps this is how women “dig in” on the territory of men? According to studies, among couples living together, only 20% of men consider themselves almost married, but among women this number is 80%.
7. She hints at her weakness
The girl speaks in half hints and hints at her complete surrender, readiness to accept a marriage proposal and raise all flags, including her underwear.
If all 7 signs that she wants to get married matched, then this is the Joker! If you wanted to propose to her, but were afraid, then put aside your doubts! She is unlikely to run away from the wedding, like Julia Roberts in the American comedy Runaway Bride.
She probably fucking wants to bear your last name, raise your children and spend the rest of your life together. Propose to her, it's not so scary, just a few words. But you should not propose to her, as the proud Irish did in ancient times: “Washing is sad if there is no men's shirts or "Live in my heart and pay no rent." Tell a girl one of these:
Marry me
Will you marry me?
I offer you my hand and heart
Be my wife
Now, as an honest man, I am obliged to marry you.
If a girl doesn't understand you, try saying:
Will you marry me? (Belarusian)
Will you marry me? (Ukrainian)
Sa minuga abielluda? (Estonian)
Will you merry me? (English)
Veux-tu m'epouser? (to a Frenchwoman)
Lo sporete? (Italian)
Te Casas Conmigo? (Spanish)
Willst du mich heiraten? (to a German woman) or you can say: Hande hoch!, the girl will also react only a little differently.
When you say this to her, look at her and don't mumble. Speak confidently and adamantly, like Stirlitz!
And remember, once every four years on the feast of St. Oswald, February 29, women themselves can make a marriage proposal to a man. And especially active and modern girls can propose to a man on February 28, as well as on any other day. Get ahead of her, bro, especially if she's the one!
Here are 25 proposal ideas for you and then don't say we don't care about you bro.
Publication date: 04/15/16
This article is written for guys who do not understand the desire of girls to get married. For those who still believe that the world revolves around them. Who hopes that a girl is willing to wait forever to marry them.
You have been dating for more than a year, you love her, she also loves you. She is very good both in bed and in conversation. Friends kindly envy your happiness: she is both beautiful and smart, charming, economic, an excellent student, an athlete. In a word, an advanced girl. Hundreds of men run after such charmers. But she chose you, then a green student, now a senior. Maybe you graduated from high school and are already working. Maybe you are not just dating, but living together. You check the strength of feelings in everyday life and civil marriage. Probably, waking up at night, you can list all the advantages and disadvantages of her character without hesitation.
Be that as it may, from time to time there is talk of a wedding. In your opinion, they are premature. In her opinion, it is high time to register the relationship. You don't seem to be ready, you're fine anyway. Especially if you live together, sleep in the same bed, eat at the same table, she washes and irons things for you. Perhaps you even help her, you are not too lazy to clean and cook.
But then what does not suit her, what's the matter? Why are there more and more conversations about marriage. You hear the same question from her, from parents, from friends, sisters and brothers: “When is the wedding?” And he himself has not yet decided, you like to create the “appearance” of your freedom. And it doesn't matter that you live together, that you love her. You are a man! And men like to drink beer with friends on weekends, discuss other people's girls, arrange bachelor parties. What if after the wedding she decides that you have to stay at home with her. What else good will want children. And you are not ready, “you need to get on your feet”, to become a businessman. And only then, by the age of 35-40, decide that it's time to have kids and get married
Of course, the male position in the previous paragraph is slightly exaggerated, exaggerated, but does not mean at all that it is unrealistic. We will not further consider the logic and behavior of men, their strange fear of responsibility and manifestations of love. Let's talk about why girls need a formal marriage so much. Finally, let's put everything in its place. Maybe then you, beloved guys, will begin to take the first step towards official relations more often.
Here are the four main reasons that affect the desire of girls to become an official wife.
1. She needs confirmation of love.
Your marriage proposal will give her confidence that she is the one. Yours is the one and only. So you love her no matter what. You will support in any situation, as they say, you will be with her both in sorrow and in joy.
2. Your relationship must develop, otherwise it is doomed to collapse in advance.
Agree, it's logical. At first, you just went on dates, kissed under the moonlight, then you introduced each other to your parents. Then they began to come to visit, you to her, she to you. Soon they began to live together. Now is the time next step– registration of relations. This is natural and necessary for the continuation of full-fledged love relationship. Like a shake-up, a rethinking of the position in life.
3. Social status
Believe me, this is very important for every girl. She just got tired of blushing, explaining the meaning of your relationship to parents and relatives. She doesn't know how to properly introduce you to her friends. You seem to be neither a husband nor a boyfriend, but something in between. Do you like to be somewhere in between? And the phrase "married to a beloved man" is so sweet to the ear.
4. She needs to know that you are ready to start a new family.
Every woman has a maternal instinct, every woman has thought about children at least once. And, of course, any girl wants a man to realize his readiness for the appearance of a child. After all, not a single humane contraceptive gives a 100% guarantee of protection against pregnancy. And a child in a family is definitely a welcome child, but in civil marriage agree, not always.
Now you know that the main thing for a girl is confidence in your love and seriousness of intentions, and not the desire to “clamp” you or “sit down” on your neck.
And if the stamp in your passport means nothing to you, do something nice for your beloved. Take her to the registry office.