If you look at the statistics of divorces in our country, it becomes clear that most people perceive the candy-bouquet period, romantic dates, gifts and novelty of impressions as true love and a guarantee of family happiness until the end of days. But walks under the moonlight are replaced by ordinary everyday life, domestic troubles and financial problems arise, passion subsides over time. At this moment, real feelings come, the desire to take care of a loved one, protect him and share all the difficulties. So how to distinguish sympathy and love from sincere love?
Many people want to be in a relationship, moreover, a happy relationship, but at the same time they don't quite know how to recognize true love and then know for sure that the relationship is successful. Everyone has ideas and dreams about the subject. Unfortunately, they are often based on patterns created by pop culture, and this is not always a good starting point. It's not for nothing that romantic comedies usually focus on the infatuation stage, when it's enough to feel that you are great, love highly and little is evaluated rationally, and all conflicts are the result of a simple misunderstanding, and not different goals or values.
Does love exist
The question of whether true love exists excites the minds of people regardless of gender and age. Of course, most of them will give an affirmative answer, because this high feeling can not only be felt, but also seen in the eyes of lovers.
Scientists and psychologists say that if it is real, it happens only at first sight. To feel the kinship of souls, a person needs only half a minute. It is during these 30 seconds that we are able to evaluate the external data, temperament and mindset of the future lover. Someone wants to argue with this opinion, proving that he felt love only after a few months or years of dating. This can also be explained - at the time of the meeting, you simply could not be ready for further development events or were too busy with another person. Later, our brain will fully process the information and give a signal about the birth of love.
How do we know we truly love?
Such questions only flow after a while, and when we are not ready for it, we may experience frustration, due to which we are ready to admit that this, apparently, is not true love, since something along the way did not work out. Both people love and love. You don't have to specialize in just giving or taking - you need to find a balance. True love means that both partners feel happy that they end up in the right person.
Differences between love and infatuation
True love is mutual support, wallowing in behind you, helping in bad times, not reprimanding. It is also associated with greater mutual agreement - both by oneself and by the individual, but also by acceptance of the limits that they have set and which are not exceeded. This is not only a matter of respect, but also of trust, which is the foundation of all happy relationships. This quote is very well summarized, attributed to so many people that it is not known who started the chain of repetition of these words: if you love something, let it go.
Both a man and a woman, before feeling true love, first feel sexual attraction, attraction at the hormonal level. Lovers become more emotional and want to be close to the object of passion.
Then the next stage begins - the time of stability and affection for emotional level which is caused by the release of certain hormones. According to scientists, this phase lasts only 4 years, after which many families break up.
If he doesn't come back, he was never yours. But if he comes back, then he really loves. Therefore, there is no reason to control the other person, let alone justify what has been discovered - this is not a way to build trust, but to destroy relationships. In successful relationships based on sincere and deep feelings, partners always show their respect, even when they are angry with themselves. This respect is also shown in the fact that we will not recognize our partner because it weakens the relationship.
Where to meet your love?
Another very important problem is proper communication - you need to build any good relationship, romantic and friendly. In the psychology of love, there are several stages of this feeling. . Love is one of the oldest concepts operating in all languages of the world. Since everyone experiences it in a subjective way, he avoids an unambiguous definition. Nevertheless, it occupies a central place in the history of human thought. For Plato, this was a way to get acquainted with higher ideas. Max Scheler's love is the main axiological concept that reveals other values.
Couples who have been together for many years do not have a hormonal connection, their relationship is based on certain universal values, to some extent, this can be called friendship, backed up by intimacy. 
Signs of true love
How to test love
This question is asked by women both at the very beginning of the development of the novel, and already in marriage, when it seems that feelings have cooled slightly and gray everyday life has erased their former sharpness of sensations. If your man suddenly stopped giving flowers and gifts or stays at work a little longer than usual, this does not mean a lack of love at all, the reasons can be quite real - a heavy workload or financial troubles. In any case, it’s not worth guessing on a camomile, but it’s better to find out how the representatives of the stronger sex in love actually behave.
The philosophy of dialogue of the twentieth century is the existence of a self in relation to "you". Christianity is equated with God. In the face of such a broad cultural context and a wealth of subjective emotions that are experienced, loving, it is extremely difficult to form a coherent and comprehensive definition of true love. However, it is possible to highlight the features that have been attributed to this feeling throughout history, and also, referring to modern psychological concepts, try to say which relationship model based on love has the best chance of a long and happy survival.
- For real loving man will never bring physical or mental pain to his chosen one. She will not need to prove her devotion and loyalty and earn the respect of her partner, this evidence is already stored in his heart.
- loving person ready for any difficulties, domestic and financial troubles. He is ready to create a strong family and have children. A man who appreciates his soul mate will do everything to make her feel happy and protected from life's adversities.
- The proof of true love can be the desire of a man to constantly be near the lady of the heart, spend all his free time with her and seek reciprocity by any means.
- A man always wants to help and support, you can always rely on him. He forgives some whims, shortcomings and shares the opinion of his beloved, even if it is not always true.
- A guy who has sincere feelings is ready for a lot for the sake of his beloved - to give up communication with some people and bad habits, earn more money, completely change his lifestyle.
- If you want to check the authenticity of the feelings of a fan, deny him sex or even end the relationship. A loving person will not let go of the one that is dear to him and will continue to seek meetings and seek favors.
- Probably the best way to find out how a guy feels about you is through illness. In a difficult situation, he will definitely take an interest in your well-being and offer help.
How to prepare yourself for a meeting with love?
Love is a feeling that arises spontaneously, often suddenly, without a clearly defined reason. Although this is to some extent a response to the characteristics of a loved one, it is primarily an almost limitless willingness to sacrifice herself, her commitment and concern for her good.
It arises from the need to transcend one's own limitations, to share one's life with another person. At the same time, it is the result of striving for everything that this person is and that does not belong to him. Love is a lack, a desire for completeness, which gives a deeper meaning to the individuality of the individual.
We are usually blinded by those we love
We touch on a very difficult topic in the field of feelings: love is a delicate and unpredictable matter. Is that why artificial attempts to arrange a personal life so often fail? And not a single super-analytic apparatus of a person can calculate whether He suits Her. So how to distinguish love, how to recognize it?
Feeling of love and the ability to build relationships
The above definition makes it possible to distinguish true love from a fleeting, erotic charm or instrumental relationship in which the partners are tools for each other to achieve their goals. True feeling is not always enough to create deep, successful relationships. First of all, it can be asymmetrical - one side of the relationship is more active than the other. Another equally important issue is the predominant type of relationship between partners. According to the concept of transaction analysis by Eric Berne, people communicate with each other from three levels of ego: adult, parent and child, these are behaviors expressed in certain emotional states, beliefs, ways of action.
It is not easy to define love. You can immediately reveal such concepts as tolerance, sensitivity, clarify feelings of anxiety or regret, but with a feeling of love it will not work quickly. And Ozhegov's dictionary will not help: inclination - what kind of love is this? Addiction is not yet love. Especially not love - attachment ... You can, of course, refer to the definition given by the ancient Hindus: “There are three sources of human desires: soul, mind and body. Attraction of souls breeds friendship. The attraction of minds is respect. Attraction of bodies generates desire. The union of the three drives produces love,” or to the words of our contemporary John Monay, who speaks of “the heart-beating flame of passion”…. But let's take into account the statement of the Russian philosopher Vladimir Solovyov: "The task of love has never been consciously set, and therefore it has never been solved properly."
At that time, healthy, satisfying connections arise when people communicate with each other at additional levels - the answer is answered by an adequate answer, but if, for example, one of the parties uses rational arguments daily, and the other expresses emotional states in an immature way, it is difficult to find a happy one, giving a feeling of satisfying love.
In a complementary relationship based on mutual deep feeling, true love can occur, which is difficult to define, but can be easily recognized. He is prone to continuous development, both for the other person and for his influence. By loving, a person is able to change, become better, and even give up his needs. He can be sure that his participation will be reciprocated.
But to distinguish sympathy from love, perhaps, you can. And, surprisingly, you can track at what point "just a friend", who "just likes" and with whom "just wondering", miraculously turns into a dream man.
It can be a completely insignificant, trifling event. Let's say you were criticized on the bus strangers for ... green hair and an outfit that was so in harmony with the hair. Suddenly, your friend, like a tiger, stood up for your favorite color. Well, what happened to these “ill-bred people” who “it’s not clear what century they live in” and “all the more they don’t dare to hurt his girlfriend!” ... What in this case played the role of a catalyst for love - his desperate determination or the fact that for the first time he He called you “my girlfriend” in front of everyone - God only knows that. You will remember this incident more than once with smiles on your faces, but it was he who made you look at your friend with different eyes, allowed you to see in him not just a friend with whom you can have fun, but something more.
You dated for a while, you're good with you, and you started to wonder if it's all infatuation or love? The simplest verifier of our feelings is usually time. Did he have a "night" at work, or was it a study night before an important exam, and yet he took the time in the morning to help you?
Love pays no attention to arguments
A few days ago you grew up, and this weekend you will go to the wedding of your close family and wonder if he will show you? If he loves, he will never do it. Quarrels, quarrels - they always happen, but true love is primarily good from the other half.
We will not give examples of more serious actions - for example, when you were walking in the park in the evening, alone, it got dark, and suddenly you were attacked ... In this case, the result is important. Thanks to this act, you realized that next to you is a person who will be able to help in difficult times, you looked at him with different eyes and realized that he is more than just an acquaintance for you. You know that there is love between you.
Loving you feel at ease
Do you remember the beginning of your relationship, when you obsessively tried to hide even the smallest pimple on your face, and before choosing a date in a panic, you chose an outfit? Of course, if the relationship is based on love, you also need to, but at the same time, you feel free in situations that are not affected, such as when you are sick.
Yes, we would be happy if he organized a spontaneous trip to Paris, but in fact, love is considered to be in love. Paradoxically, a much more romantic gesture is for a guy to collect his socks from the room if he knows you hate him.
But questions - how to know if you're in love or not, whether it's love at first sight or just attraction, what kind of spark lights a fire in you when you encounter an attractive stranger of the opposite sex and something is clearly happening in you - have remained open.
Zhenya and Denis met at some seminar, they could not take their eyes off each other. They were eagerly waiting for a date. In the early days, they could not part for a minute. What is it - love or just physical attraction? It is difficult to answer unambiguously. Harmonious intimate relationships can develop into deeply emotional ones. In the case of Zhenya and Denis, their sexual attraction only intensified over the course of several months and everything ended in a successful marriage.
How to understand that you do not love your husband
Or maybe you were overwhelmed by college exams? Are you in serious trouble with your immediate family? The guy who loves you will always support you and sometimes they will sacrifice other training or go out with friends to hold your hand if you need it.
It doesn't always turn into a real deep feeling. However, it happens that along the way we meet a person who makes us feel like never before. We are happy, we are always smiling and we can see the beauty that surrounds us. The very beginning of a relationship between guys in love is considered the most beautiful and certainly exceptional time. Love is a great feeling, we do not give it to everyone who has come across in their path. There must be chemistry, something magical between two people, which means we don't want to be alone, we want to love.
Waiting can sometimes make love even more joyful. Although Marina was very attracted to Misha, she restrained herself. They hugged, chatted for hours, and parted at midnight expecting more. The slow buildup of desire resulted in a harmonious intimate relationship that only strengthened the romantic feelings they shared.
Whether it happens sooner or later, the unexpected sexual experience can set off the hottest "chemical reaction." A survey of 12,000 men and women conducted by the journal Psychology Today found that in 20% of cases, they remembered one erotic episode for the rest of their lives. Masha, for example, each time recalls with delight the first night spent with Andrei, who later became her husband. “At that time, he rented a room in an apartment owned by a strict mistress. She, of course, did not allow female guests to be brought in. We had no other place for rendezvous, and one night we decided to sneak into the room secretly. The slow, painful ascent, first up the creaky stairs, then opening even more creaky doors, was terrible, but it had an unusually exciting effect on us.
Some say there is something like destiny. By believing in them, we expect that somewhere in the world there is a person with whom we can be completely happy. Someone wrote for us, but how to recognize it? How do you know that we have a chance for great love and?
Does love exist
Being in a relationship or seeking to build such a relationship with another person, we want you not to get bored in your company. In every contact, you need intimacy and physicality, which, of course, is not enough in love. But that's not all, because the entity talks and spends time together. If we talk a lot, the topics themselves appear, and we smoothly swim with them in the same rhythm, everything goes in the right direction. Agreeing to every problem, a certain naturalness and freedom of conversation is a sign that we can handle the other side without problems.
But what if the first night is not a success, but a failure? Does this mean that the "chemistry of love" will no longer work? Not at all, sexologists say, this happens quite often when one of the partners is too impatient.
In conclusion, here are some signs by which you can recognize love. Perhaps they will help you distinguish between love between you, deep romantic feelings, or just a prelude to them.
There is always infatuation at the beginning, but if after a few weeks we still have something to talk about and we lack ideas or plans, this is a very good forecast for the future of such a relationship. And before we look back, we start thinking together, planning, organizing our time to share it together.
People are the most important in love. We count with a loved one and we want to rely on her. We hope for support in any, even difficult, life situation. If we care about the other party, we call that person when something important happens. We advise first. It doesn't matter if it's a small thing or big success. We would like to share our care and joy together because this is the truth of life and also love. When we feel that we have such support, we can believe in it.
The first sign of love is high spirits. It's like you're looking at the world through rose-colored glasses. As they say, you don’t see “thorns on roses” - you rejoice that a bush with thorns is with roses. Everything that recently occupied you fades into the background, food is not of interest, the words “to sleep longer” are not relevant. You constantly talk and think only about your boyfriend. Feelings, emotions associated with it are the sweetest during this period.
She will always be with us, no matter what happens in our lives. Trust, respect, and support are strong foundations for a long-term relationship, so you must develop them. Naturalness is beautiful because it is real. Pretending to be others, putting on masks is such a common behavior in modern world. Sooner or later, lies and artificiality are discovered, so it's best to be yourself. With a loved one, we must feel calm, we cannot pretend to be someone else, even if we want to make a good impression.
Normality reveals the truth and gives a feeling of comfort, especially in the company with which we have a special feeling. So don't pretend because love is not a ready-made scenario and we can't predict what will happen in the next scene. You just have to be yourself and also look for the truth in others because that's the only way we can see if it's real.
You feel that you are ready to sacrifice everything for the sake of your loved one. You know that if necessary, you will not have to be persuaded - give all your strength, time and money.
But do not be upset if you have a slightly different feeling - after all, each person is individual. And love, fortunately, has many facets that will allow everyone to experience this high feeling in order to become immensely happy.
Kira Volonskaya, teacher, family psychologist, psychotherapist