Being invited to the company of people for recreation, you can not always expect that all the people will be familiar to you. How to communicate with strangers?
If you are sociable by nature, then there is no need to tell how to behave with strangers, but there is a category of people who have difficulty being surrounded by little known or unfamiliar people. And to spend the evening in the company, but alone - not the best entertainment.
In order to fix communication with strangers, it’s best not to wait until they notice and get to know you, but to take the initiative yourself. For such purposes, you can involve the owner of the house and ask him to introduce you either to the whole group of people, or to each individually. But if you can’t find the owner, or the company has gathered on neutral territory, then you can approach any person who, in your opinion, is most pleasant for communication and, after greeting and introducing yourself, start a conversation on the topic that interests you (or just ask the person what exactly led him to this company).
When you start a conversation with a person, try to alternate questions about the interlocutor and his interests with stories about yourself, otherwise the conversation can turn out to be like an interrogation.
To continue the conversation, you can ask about the profession of this person, his hobbies, his preferences in choosing a vacation, express your opinion on this matter and talk about your own hobbies, about your vacation.
It does not hurt to ask a new acquaintance for his opinion about the dishes offered at the party or decorating the room where the entertainment takes place.
Do not hesitate to approach and court a stranger: give him some thing, pass a dish of food, a drink, and the like.
Don't be stingy with compliments - they can win over a person without undue tension, but avoid compliments that are too frank - this can make an unpleasant impression. Pay attention to the interlocutor's clothing accessories, express admiration and ask where the person got such charm.
Don't forget your sense of humor. But this does not mean that you need to start dating with stories of anecdotes, since not every society considers anecdotes to be decent entertainment, and you may not know what category of people you will encounter in the company. It is better to tell something comical from your life and laugh heartily again with new acquaintances.
In the company of strangers you may need your horizons, so expand it at every opportunity, so that during a difficult acquaintance you have something to talk about with a person and demonstrate some knowledge on the topic of the ensuing conversation.
With none of us - you are left alone with a stranger in a new company and think about what to chat about. And then the awkward pause somehow dragged on. So, how to build communication correctly and what can you talk about with a stranger? Gathered some ideas and tricks
Choosing a topic for conversation
The most painful thing is how to choose the first question for your conversation, where to get its topic from. There are three universal topics that you can talk about with absolutely everyone.
First, it is a family or personal life. Secondly, is it work or study. Thirdly, health (suitable for the older generation). These three topics occupy people regardless of social status, geography and amount of money.
If you want to build a more personal connection, you can start discussing what brought you together. For example, you were introduced to a person while playing board game. You can ask: “Do you like this board game?”, “What else have you played?”, “And advise me some cool game.” If you have encountered at work, then the questions may be: “Why exactly this profession?”, “How did you start working here?”, “What do you like here?”.
The second technique is to cling to some detail, which you see in his home / office or even in appearance. Example: “Oh, cool fitness bracelet. I've been wanting to buy one for myself for a long time, would you recommend it?
The third trick is any free information, which a person accidentally says during an exchange of formalities. For example, he apologizes for the delay and reports that his gym has traffic jams. You can cling to the topic of fitness and discuss this issue.
The fourth trick is a compliment. In general, you need to learn to make compliments a lot and “on the machine”. And try to do it sincerely. An example of compliments: “You look great”, “Your hairstyle is stylish”, “What an unusual scarf. Where did you buy it?
The fifth technique is to talk about the person himself. People love to talk about themselves. The fact is that few people are interested in us, even less often they listen to us with interest. Very often, after a few leading questions, a person already begins to talk about himself with might and main. And you just actively listen to it.
Conversation technique
The purpose of your conversation is to relax the interlocutor, inspire confidence and encourage free expression. And for this you need to follow two simple rules:
- Ask only open-ended questions (that require a detailed answer).
- Subsequent open-ended questions should be asked only based on the answers of the interlocutor.
Examples of open questions:
- What do you think? .. What is the reason? .. How do you (so-and-so)? .. How do you feel? .. - And what for? What the hell? What the hell? .. Why? .. Why are you doing this? ..
Pay attention to the details that the interlocutor notes with intonation, facial expressions, gestures, pauses or sighs. As a rule, this topic worries a person, which means that you can ask clarifying questions about it.
In addition to these techniques, it makes sense to use the technique of active listening, which will help you quickly gain the trust of the interlocutor.
- Body language and gestures. Showing attention to the interlocutor at the level of the body: look into the eyes, tilt in his direction, nods, approving interjections.
- Repetition of the interlocutor's words. You can paraphrase some thought of the interlocutor and repeat it in the answer.
- Reflection of emotions. If a person is talking seriously about something, and you start smiling, then this can “close” him even more. Try to mirror your emotions.
- Interpretation. If you feel that the interlocutor is afraid to make a sincere statement, you can make an assumption about why he withholds information. This approach must be approached with caution.
- Self-disclosure. It is useful to clarify why you need this or that information. Otherwise, your interest may look artificial. “It is sometimes important for me to understand that I took the bottom line from my studies to work ...”, or “I also try to study from time to time ...”
As a result, the interlocutor speaks 70% of the time, but he has the impression that he met a rare, understanding person.
What can not be done?
If you don't want to mess things up, it's better:
- Don't give advice unless it's directly asked for.
- Don't change the subject abruptly.
- Don't downplay the other person's feelings.
- Do not say: "I understand you ..." if the situation is not close to you.
- Do not finish sentences for the interlocutor.
- Do not evaluate the interlocutor.
Chat with strangers the task is sometimes more difficult than learning to speak beautifully and competently. We will talk about this later, but for now it is important to understand that one way or another, whether you like it or not, you literally have to communicate with strangers every day. Even despite the fact that more and more communication is moving from the area of personal meetings to the Internet environment, which involves remote interaction, this often does not make it any easier to meet and communicate with an unfamiliar interlocutor.
Introduction
The task of any conversation, first of all, is to create a relaxed atmosphere. In fact, this is the first thing to strive for from the very beginning. This necessity is dictated by the fact that, firstly, most of us are driven by fears, and secondly, many people are shy. Takova human nature. Each time meeting new people for us is accompanied by excitement, feelings or similar states. It is from overcoming such negative emotions we'll start.
How to overcome shyness
- Method number 1. There is a great way to overcome embarrassment in a conversation with a stranger, which goes something like this - your interlocutor, just like you, has two arms, two legs and one head. This is a completely banal phrase, which at the same time works very well in any situation and with any person. Its meaning is that your opponent, no matter how significant his achievements, is the same person as you. Whether he's an ordinary student, a car dealership owner, or the mayor of your city, he enjoys the conversation just as much as you enjoy the conversation, no matter how different your social status is. If you managed to overcome shyness and bring the conversation into a relaxed channel, you will enjoy the process of communication, which means that it will be more pleasant and easier for your interlocutor to communicate with you.
- Method number 2. Another one is enough effective method to overcome fear and excitement is to imagine that your interlocutor is even more worried than you. And you may be surprised, but often this is exactly what happens. You can't get inside a person's head, so when a new client enters your fitness club, you don't know how he feels. For you, communication with strangers is an everyday job, and for a client, going to a fitness club is often an event. So why on earth, tell me, should you worry if you, as an administrator (or manager), are at your workplace, and the client is just, which is quite likely, sweating all over? Every time your forehead sweats with excitement, remind yourself of this, and the excitement will take off as if by hand.
- Method number 3. Another good way to overcome embarrassment and shyness is to remember that we all started our lives in one way or another. life path on equal terms. Most of us were born into poor families with an average or even low level prosperity. Many of us worked part-time as children in order to have pocket money. Accordingly, it is likely that your interlocutor also went through a similar life path. Even if at some point your paths began to diverge, in earlier years, life was nevertheless very similar, which means that this gives us a certain degree of freedom in communication. There is no need to be shy or simpering in dealing with a stranger, since you have exactly the same right to be here as he does.
- Method number 4. In order to melt the ice of awkwardness between you and the interlocutor, you can try to find a topic that is close to him or pleasant to him. I put this method in fourth place, since although it is effective, it is still not the easiest to learn. Just take it and ask something about him. This start of the conversation will set the tone for the whole conversation, and your opponent, unless he is a complete introvert, will consider you a pretty good conversationalist. This works because people always love it when people talk to them about themselves. In the article "" I talked about how important it is for your opponent to be an interesting conversationalist and why people love it so much when they are asked to talk about themselves.
Where to start a conversation
No matter where you are, who surrounds you and what your environment is, the list of topics for discussion is truly endless. The most popular and sought-after topic to start any conversation is the weather. This is an effective and most importantly safe way to start a conversation, especially with a stranger whom you see for the first time in your life. The weather alone provides you with a huge list of topics to start a conversation with. It can be severe winter cold, lingering spring rains, an abnormally hot summer, a city covered with golden leaves in the fall, as well as all kinds of snowfalls, floods and other tornadoes with hurricanes, which most people are not even averse to discussing, and literally with anyone.
Another popular topic of discussion is the people themselves. As I have repeatedly said in articles about the work of the administrator, customers love it very much, either when they talk about themselves, or when they talk about themselves. Of course, this psychological trick can also be used to start a conversation. This also includes questions about childhood, school or student years. Often these years leave warm memories in the memory, so it's nice to talk about them.
The next popular and interesting topic for many are children and pets. Moreover, I combine them together, since often some have both the first and second, others have either the first or the second, and still others, for one reason or another, are not able to have children, therefore they have pets. One has only to ask your opponent if he has children or pets, as the conversation immediately takes on bright colors and becomes easy and relaxed.
From the above topics, virtually any is suitable to start a conversation. However, it is best to develop them in the same order as they are listed above. If this is a client who came to your fitness club to use its services, you should naturally collect as much information about him as possible. To do this, you start the conversation with abstract questions about the weather that do not penetrate into inner world person and at the same time start the conversation. Then, evaluating the interlocutor's answer, you extract information about him from him. After, when you understand that a person is ready to share information, you can move on to discussing the topic of children or pets.
In the topic of starting a conversation with a stranger, it is important to remember one simple thing. When you touch on the topic of what is closest to the interlocutor on a personal level, he shows his human qualities and open to communication. Remember this simple rule. Start the conversation first, and then let the interlocutor open up on their own.
How to ask correctly
The biggest enemy of a good conversation is straightforward questions. That is, those that can be answered either “yes” or “no”. Their peculiarity is that the answer can be limited to literally one or two words. As I said above, these can be questions about the weather, about the person himself, as well as about children or pets. In the wrong wording, they will sound something like this.
- What a great weather today, isn't it?
- Are you planning to go to the gym?
- Will your children walk with you?
All these questions are fully appropriate for starting a conversation with a stranger, but they are set in such a way that the answer to them will be extremely short and monosyllabic, which means that you will definitely not be able to talk to the interlocutor. In the same time, the same questions can be asked in such a way that the wording itself requires a detailed answer from the interlocutor. They can be rephrased as follows.
- The weather is just great, but they say the rainy season will start soon, what do you think about it?
- May I ask what inspired you to start exercising?
- What is the likelihood that your children might be interested in group fitness-kids classes?
Keep in mind that the same questions can be asked in radically different ways. Your task is to think through your questions in advance and, as needed, ask those that will be most relevant in a particular situation with a particular person. Since the main topics for starting a conversation are quite formulaic, it will not be difficult for you to come up with and write out in your notebook as a reminder five options for each type of question.
Why is it important to listen
One of the key rules in dealing with strangers is the ability to listen. Why is it important? Because if you talk yourself, you will not know anything about your interlocutor. It's more than elementary. Whatever you say or tell him will not give you any information about him. If you want to get to know the person you are talking to as much as possible and better, you have only one sure way - to listen carefully to him.
No matter how elementary and easy to remember this rule is, we literally do the exact opposite every day. Remember how many times this happened when you were told “I’ll be at your place at exactly seven in the evening,” and you immediately or a little later asked again, “So what time will you be?”. If, after or during communication with a client, you did not write down anything that could be important, and then call him back and say “I'm sorry, I would like to clarify ...”, it may easily turn out that he already really talked about it, and you hovered somewhere in the clouds. In this situation, he will most likely think like this: “What did he listen to? I told him about it in detail!”, which will significantly reduce your status as a specialist in his mind. And it will be your fault.
As I have said many times before, A good conversationalist is first and foremost a good listener. Your task is not only to demonstrate your interest to the interlocutor, but also to ask competent clarifying questions. Clarifying - this is a question that follows from the answer to the previous one. In other words, when it is your turn to speak, you are given a good chance to demonstrate the talent of a great conversationalist and show that you hear what your opponent has previously said. An indicator of your skill is the ability to ask competent clarifying questions.
Where to look
You don't have to be a sign language expert, but making eye contact is another tool to start a conversation with a stranger. Regardless of who your interlocutor is, it is important to maintain eye contact with him throughout the conversation. This will help you become a much more successful interlocutor, unless of course you overdo it and burn your opponent through with your gaze like a laser. You can even lean a little in his direction, thereby emphasizing that all your attention is entirely directed to his person and what he says.
As I said above, it is very important to listen to your interlocutor, but if you try, you will notice that it is much easier to do this if you look him in the eyes. In such a situation, by closely listening and observing the interlocutor, you will instinctively read his emotions and understand in what direction your conversation is going with him. You can show your interest, for example, by nodding or shaking your head, but you should only do this at the moment when the situation requires it, otherwise you will look unnatural.
Let me remind you once again that there is no need to constantly look the interlocutor in the eye. That's what I meant when I said it's important not to overdo it. Such a boring look can cause an awkward feeling in your opponent. You need to look into the eyes mainly when he speaks and to a lesser extent it is important when you speak. When speaking your words or asking a question, you can look away, but do not leave it there, as if you saw a ghost. Also, do not look behind the interlocutor or squint, as if you are looking for someone with your eyes.
conclusions
Nowadays, in order to learn how to communicate with strangers, you must first of all be informed. We live in the digital age of the active spread of the Internet and social networks, which means to be a good conversationalist, you must be aware of what is on people's heads. A huge flow of information, which is now available to literally everyone and everyone, expands the circle of interests of your interlocutor, whoever he is, wherever he works and no matter how old he is. First of all, you should be aware of all the most current events in the world and in the country at the moment, and you should also be ready to start and maintain a conversation on literally any topic.
In order to make the interlocutor talk, you need to find the topic that catches or interests him and in every possible way encourage him to talk about it as much as possible. Remember one old saying: for a person who bruised his finger, his injury matters more than a drought in central Africa or earthquakes in Japan. Keep this in mind the next time you try to talk to someone you don't know.
Communication with strangers is a lifeline for anyone who wants to get out of the clawed clutches of depression. Don't believe? And we will prove it!
An ideal world for an introvert would look like this: ordered food at home - threw garbage into a special cell (without leaving home, of course) - pulled out a decent fee from it (for services to the Motherland). But no. For some reason, we need to communicate. And even working via the Internet, you will not always live in the usual solitude. And now comes the moment when you have to go out into the world. And here the main thing is not to look like Stirlitz behind enemy lines, but to communicate with people and make contact. Calm down, dear readers: when you find out how much this is useful, you will no longer be afraid of an enclosure with sociable predators.
Talking to strangers improves your state of mind
And this is a fact. But we are used to being friends on the principle of "rarely, but aptly." In the sense, "few, but strong." Well, in general, we look away on public transport or try to keep "ours" at parties, and only because we are afraid to talk to someone else. " Good morning”, sounded behind the back, is perceived as a threat and gives rise to an attempt to escape.
Talking to a stranger is very awkward. At such moments, you don’t know where to put your eyes, hands and yourself. If they try to start a conversation with us, we begin to convince ourselves that this conversation will not bring anything but disappointment to us or to him. Psychologists call this the phenomenon of multiple ignorance. That is, you see that no one is talking, and you conclude that people do not want to talk, when in fact everyone is much more inclined to talk than they think.
People mistakenly assume that people's behavior depends on what they say, when in reality it is justified. social norms. And this is a huge barrier that prevents us from communicating with our own kind. We choose solitude, even though this choice makes us feel overwhelmed (subconsciously, of course). According to research by British scientists, communication with strangers causes a charge of positive emotions that can overcome apathy.
Researchers have studied in more detail the emotional state of people in in public places. Some were instructed to start a dialogue with a stranger, others to behave in the same way as they are accustomed to in everyday life. By observing the experiment, the scientists found that the first group of people experienced more positive emotions than those who were supposed to be silent. Moreover, the results showed that both those who start a conversation and those with whom they started talking experience a positive charge.
Unfortunately, we underestimate the importance of social contacts, believing that isolation is more pleasant than human communication. But the positive effect is much stronger from talking with people, familiar or not.
It is also useful to communicate with strangers. These include a saleswoman in your favorite supermarket, neighbors on the porch or people with whom you constantly meet on public transport on your way to work. Regular contact with these people contributes to social and emotional well-being. Such relationships are characterized by less private contact, reduced emotional dependency, and limited intimacy. But such sincere communication of a minimal plan helps a person satisfy his basic needs for belonging to society. Talking to a stranger will give you the feeling of being recognized. This creates a sense of community that enhances your community with all people.
It's good for the brain
According to psychologists, even a brief interaction with someone unfamiliar increases the executive functions of the brain. These are mental processes that allow you to concentrate, plan, seek goals, set priorities and organize your own life.
The test subjects participating in this experiment were divided into three groups. Some were asked to have a friendly conversation for 10 minutes, others were forced to argue with a stranger, and others were forced to remain silent, like partisans. Of course, the first group of people showed the best results.
Every day we have a lot of opportunities to start a dialogue with strangers: in transport, in a store, at work, in a cafe, at business meetings or private parties. Try to make it a habit. Don't be afraid to start a conversation, be yourself and make connections. We wish you rapid success in dealing with people. Good luck, and don't forget to press the buttons and