Why, when communicating with some people, we feel lightness and ease, from talking with others we experience tension and discomfort, and after talking with others, we want to die of boredom at all?
Ask people around you what they experience from communicating with you? If you do not like the answers, our material will be especially useful!
We will tell you how to learn the art of conversation and avoid mistakes that get on your nerves in a conversation.
Remember that the right communication with people will bring you great benefits! And you need to start working on mistakes by identifying your shortcomings and shortcomings in the conversation.
Methods of dealing with them will depend only on what you want to end up with. Understanding the purpose will help you develop the ability to communicate and not throw up.
Bad communication - what is it?
What are the achievements of a pleasant interlocutor? The psychology of communication provides an exhaustive answer to this question.
Anyone who knows how to clearly and distinctly express thoughts, give convincing arguments, is considered not only a good speaker, but also the soul of the company.
By building the right communication, you will open up many opportunities in front of you - it will become easier to achieve goals at work, your circle of friends will expand, and your list of acquaintances will be replenished with many new names.
Knowing how to communicate with the opposite sex, you will get rid of misunderstandings in your personal life. At least a pleasant conversation can be made good impression and charm the object of sympathy, which is not bad.
But what about someone who speaks incoherently, inconsistently, or too rudely? Such a person does not make anyone want to listen to him.
It is especially important to control yourself and your speech during flirting. Especially for you, we asked our expert Olga Stern, a sexologist and founder of the Geisha and Alchemy of Pleasure online schools on the art of sexual mastery, to comment on this aspect of communication:
Flirting is a very important part of communicating with the opposite sex. This is a game, coquetry, an enhancer of the taste of life, something that can start relationships or keep the fire in them.
The most important thing in flirting is attitude: how you feel about yourself and how you feel about yourself. Receptions are a secondary factor, they will not work.
If, for example, deep down you consider yourself ugly, then no matter how erotically you bite your lip, it will not be perceived properly. So first of all, learn to love yourself.
But there are a few tricks that work great if you urgently need to get into the right state.
The repeated repetition of the usual phrase “I love you”, said in the eyes of your mirror image, works great.
These words can work wonders and fire up your eyes without trying to find fault with yourself. Remember the “anchor” song, after which your inner flirtatious essence turns on - the main thing is to find such a composition and use it correctly.
And after the necessary sparkle in the eyes appears, you can speak more slowly in a lower voice, sometimes touch the man or yourself, play with intimate muscles to expand the pupils, and in other ways invite the man to the game.
He can even present the right and smart things in such a way that it sounds wild and will not find any support from his interlocutors.
To avoid becoming an "outsider" and improve the quality of your speech, follow a few simple rules:
In addition to the above, you should not lose sight of one more important factor communication: do not feel sick.
Do not be too annoying, constantly repeating the same bore.
Psychology designates such a thing as communication as an equivalent communicative interaction of people.
Simply put, all interlocutors should contribute equally to the conversation. If one, gesticulating violently, describes his adventures on the weekend, problems with the boss ...
He talks all the time about his dog, complains about a regular migraine, not allowing the other to insert a word - this communication cannot be called complete.
The art of communication implies the possibility of self-expression for all people equally, taking into account their abilities and peculiarities of thinking.
Another sign of nauseating communication is the eternal whining and complaints. If someone talks about sad things all the time or looks for negativity everywhere, he infects his interlocutors with negative emotions.
Some call such people energy vampires, others look with regret at their love for their problems and the need for pity from others.
Such people are said to like to vomit. Take a look at your habitual behavior in a circle of close people.
If a few nauseating signs come up frequently in the way you talk, it's time to get rid of it.
Intrusive communication is your worst enemy
Obsession is worth considering separately. Erich Maria Remarque wrote: "We are so afraid of being intrusive that we seem indifferent." It is worth considering these words.
Both obsession and indifference are signs of improper communication. When a person behaves like a “stuck fish”, is too eager for the company of other people, they say about him that he is sick of him.
His communication with people does not bring pleasure to anyone. They try to stay away from obsessive interlocutors, because they cause despondency, gradually developing into irritation, anger and even aggression.
If you notice a habit of imposing yourself, you need to get rid of it urgently, otherwise you will never be able to build the right communication.
So many little things and remarks... How should we communicate so that everyone is happy? Above all, the pleasure of talking should be mutual.
You need to show cordiality exactly as much as it is shown to you. Let this be your little unobtrusive secret.
A few words about non-verbal signs
Oral speech is easier to track and control, but non-verbal communication remains a mystery to many, because only the interlocutor sees its signs.
For this reason, many people do not attach importance to their facial expressions, gestures, body position, etc. at all. But with non-verbal signs, you can increase the persuasiveness of your words, or vice versa - nullify the entire effect of what was said.
Recall the series about the theory of lies, where the psychologist Dr. Lightman could accurately determine that the witness of the crime was hiding something only by his involuntary gesture of putting his fingers to his lips.
But we will not "dig" so deeply. Let's just say that the interlocutor is repelled by "closed" poses: arms crossed on the chest or hidden in pockets, haughtily raised chin, lowered or looking into the distance.
Let's open a little trick: to earn the trust of the interlocutor, take the pose of "mirror image".
If he folded his hands on the table, like a schoolboy at his desk - do the same, resting his chin with his palm - and you are behind him. Just do it unsharply, otherwise the interlocutor will guess the intention of your manipulations or think that you are parodying him.
The ability to communicate includes the possession of facial expressions. Emotions reflected on the face are not only normal, but also necessary.
By remaining dispassionate, you lose additional contact with the interlocutor. As a result, it will be more difficult for you to win him over and convince him of your beliefs.
Facial expressions help not only to better understand the interlocutor, but also to make him your ally in a conversation on a controversial topic - remember this.
As for laughter, it should be appropriate, you don’t need to brighten up all the awkward moments with it. An overabundance can negate a good impression of you.
It is possible to be familiar, hugging interlocutors, putting a hand on their shoulders or on their neck, but selectively. This style of behavior is acceptable in a friendly company over a glass of champagne, and not at work or with unfamiliar people.
Too strong gestures, as well as its complete absence, are not the best extremes for a pleasant conversation. Effective communication involves a moderate combination of your speech, facial expressions and gestures in the complex. Consider it a law.
Why you need to improve your communication skills
Before you ask yourself how to learn to communicate with people, you need to provide yourself with motivation.
A person who clearly recognizes the need for change will work hard to improve their communication skills.
Understand, thanks to the development of communication, it is possible to become anyone - the soul of the company, a skilled speaker or a person who knows how to convince everyone and everything.
Would Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther, Winston Churchill, and Ronald Reagan have been great politicians if they weren't able to speak persuasively?
Right ways of communication are needed not only in politics, but in every area of life. A good manager, being eloquent, will easily convince clients to sign a lucrative contract.
The seller, through an effective dialogue with the buyer, will easily increase the amount of the average check. Love doesn't always start at first sight, sometimes it comes after the first interesting conversation.
Therefore, in personal life, the secrets of communication will be especially useful.
They will help win the location of the person you like and draw attention to themselves. The ability to communicate is useful and multifaceted, its value is difficult to overestimate.
To become an interesting interlocutor, who is listened to with pleasure and correctly understood by others, is the dream of many. But someone only dreams while others act.
Start by reading good educational literature. Experts in their field will help you understand how to communicate with people.
A good example would be “The Power of Charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed by Brian Tracy and Ron Arden. The book teaches friendliness and goodwill in communication.
There are no deep tips or complex techniques that will take a long time to work on. Tracey and Arden only lucidly explain the value of a positive attitude during a conversation.
The book "The Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini was published in America 5 times. This fact alone speaks of its value and practical use.
The focus is not on business, but on personal communication, but advice with recommendations is applicable to all areas of life.
To become a truly good conversationalist, you will need some exercises. Try to tell something to yourself in front of the mirror, arrange a dialogue with yourself.
You can record your story on a voice recorder, and then listen to the recording. Such manipulations will help to notice the shortcomings of your speech, pointing to places that require additional study.
Listening is just as important as talking. If you are not attentive to the interlocutor, his answers will become superficial and lack of initiative.
No one likes to communicate with people who do not listen to the interlocutor at all. This rule works unconditionally, such is our psychology.
Don't forget to be witty! Jokes, irony, timely use of quotes are clear signs of an interesting interlocutor.
Communication with people requires a variety of surprises, do not be afraid to surprise, but also do not forget to stick to the boundaries of what is acceptable.
The ability to communicate requires moderation and an intuitive understanding of the appropriateness of any phrase. If you keep joking or making fun of others all the time, then there will soon be no interlocutors located towards you.
Making fun of yourself is a good move, but a sense of proportion is also important in self-irony. Otherwise, you risk turning into a jester.
Every day, those whom others consider not sociable or called a bore, in fact, really want to be heard and understood.
Shyness manifests itself in different ways. Some people cannot squeeze out a single word, others, on the contrary, say everything in a row, so long as no one reveals their fear and excitement.
Effective communication is looseness and freedom of expression. It is not a shame to admit your embarrassment, the interlocutor will surely treat this with understanding.
Honesty is much more important than concealment and attempts to portray feigned confidence. It’s better to just say “I’m shy” than to tremble and feel sorry for yourself because of insecure communication.
Fighting yourself is not easy. By setting a goal and working out a strategy, you can become an ace in the matter of how to communicate with people.
In no case should the dispute turn into a quarrel. Are you considering different points vision, and do not seek to humiliate the opponent. Don't change the purpose of your conversation.
The ability to communicate implies that both you and your interlocutor will be satisfied with the conversation. If you catch signs of impatience, annoyance, or boredom in the person you're talking to, try to change the subject or end the conversation.
How to communicate with people and not feel sick, not irritate them, but rather arouse sympathy and understanding? Gather your strength, analyze yourself and your shortcomings, develop a strategy for developing communication skills.
No one is endowed with an innate ability to communicate effectively, much more often the reputation of a good interlocutor is the result of persistent and painstaking self-improvement.
If success does not come from the first try, do not let it scare you, but inspire you for further positive changes.
Soon you will definitely notice positive changes in those around you in relation to you and everything that you say.
With the advent of mankind, a huge need for communication arose. Even in ancient times, without it, it was impossible to warn a fellow tribesman, express your sympathy to a woman, teach children to survive and hunt, passing on their knowledge and skills to them. Today we have a clear system of symbols through which we can say absolutely everything we think. But even in modern society some people experience communication difficulties and do not always know how to overcome them.
Peculiarities
From birth, we begin to learn the language, which we subsequently speak all our lives. However, the ability to pronounce sounds in the correct sequence does not mean that we have the art of communication, this can be compared with onomatopoeia. A person speaks when his words make sense, when they are used with some meaning in a particular situation.
As a person grows older, they have to communicate more and more. Successful socialization depends on this. kindergarten, the opportunity to “settle down” at school, the degree of success at the university and at work. When communicating with peers, it is important to try to become an interesting conversationalist for them, to be able to attract attention to yourself. Adults should see you as a worthy opponent, a person with whom it is pleasant to deal.
But being interesting enough for everyone is difficult, and for some, this goal can be almost impossible to achieve. There are several factors that prevent people from fully communicating:
- Personal complexes and self-doubt. In this case, a person simply does not believe that he can interest someone in a conversation, he does not dare to express his thoughts and ideas.
- The opposite phenomenon heightened self-esteem. Such people put themselves above others. People around do not understand them and do not seek to make contact with them.
- Active use of social networks. Online communication can cause fear of real meetings, self-doubt.
- Poor intellectual development. A small set of knowledge narrows the range of topics that a person can communicate with, so it quickly becomes boring with him.
The role of communication
Communication has always played an important role in human life. As soon as people learned to communicate with each other, it became important to be able to properly build a dialogue, to please the one you like, even to verbally punish the offender. There are so many different factors in a person’s life that you need to be able to control and subjugate to yourself that nothing can work out without the right communication skills. In addition, the consequences of not being able to communicate can even negatively affect your life.
Success at school or university is explained not only by pleasant appearance. For the most part, "popular" people are able to communicate, keeping the attention on their personality. Speech is also important in work and personal life.
At work, you may not be promoted, even if you deserve it, simply because you fail to successfully establish contacts and conduct business negotiations. AT family life you, too, will not be able to avoid problems if you do not learn to find mutual language with a partner. If you don’t have common topics for conversation, or you can’t resolve controversial situations and find a compromise, relationships can “crack”.
All modern society is based on the ability to properly build speech and communicate with others. Notable politicians, scientists and artists would not be so famous if they could not subjugate attention with one word a large number of people.
Therefore, if you want to be successful and happy, it is important to learn how to communicate with people, correct your speech shortcomings and improve in this area.
Ways to achieve efficiency
In modern society, the ability to properly conduct a conversation is an important aspect. In the process of communication, the interlocutors perceive each other, exchange information, personal and business interaction, search for solutions.
If you have not received oratory skills from nature, you should not hang your nose and give up. The ability to speak beautifully and achieve the desired results in a conversation can be learned on your own. The main thing is to know what is required for this. For effective communication, it is important to decompose the communication process into components and specifically work out each of them:
- Gaining self-confidence important point. First of all, in order to learn how to communicate normally, you need to start respecting yourself. You must confidently express your thoughts, even if they are erroneous, because your point of view has the right to exist. It will be clear to your opponent that you need to be reckoned with, that your judgments make sense, and they can be listened to.
- Try to deal with your fear. Many insecure people behave in a dialogue passively. They are afraid to ask questions, to be interested in something, to express their opinion, so as not to bring down the indignation of others. They are afraid of judgmental looks, possible unpleasant comments addressed to them. Do not be afraid to carry on the conversation in a way that suits you, ask about everything that interests you.
- Treat the interviewer with respect and tact. Do not interrupt the speaker, give him the opportunity to speak fully, even if you do not agree with his arguments. Only then calmly express your opinion.
- Try not to get distracted by extraneous topics. The ability to express your thoughts beautifully and competently, while speaking to the point, will allow you to quickly earn respect in society.
- Must be able to inspire the trust of the interlocutor. To achieve this goal, you need very little - just look into the eyes of a partner. Eye contact makes it easy to connect. If a person lowers or hides his gaze, his behavior is not always perceived as a sign of embarrassment. More often this is regarded as insincerity or even a lie. Such a conversation will not bring you anything good.
- It is important to show genuine interest in the interlocutor. During a conversation with an unfamiliar person, you need to give him the opportunity to talk about himself, to express his thoughts. Don't talk too much. A monologue can quickly tire a person, and he is unlikely to want to talk to you again. You need to make the person feel at ease in your company. Interest in the conversation should be mutual. Don't forget to use your opponent's name. This nuance will also show your interest in it.
- It is also important to be able to ask the right questions. This is especially necessary if you are just getting to know a person and want to learn more about him. The art of asking questions correctly makes it possible to get full-fledged detailed answers instead of a restrained “yes” or “no”. So you can make the conversation easy and interesting, allowing the interlocutor to feel confident and free in your company.
- Use of knowledge and erudition- no less important point. A person with a large stock of knowledge, it is easier to start and maintain any conversation. Communication with such people delivers a lot of positive emotions to all interlocutors.
How to be interesting?
If you want to take an active part in discussions, and sometimes even become the initiator of a conversation, it is important to be able to win over people, to be interesting to others. Choosing the right theme is already half the battle. If you prepare in advance for a conversation, read as much information as possible on this issue, you will navigate it well and always find something to say. It is only important to give out information in portions and at the right moments, otherwise the communication will look like a report.
To make the topic of conversation interesting and convenient for everyone, it is important to clarify whether someone objects to this conversation, and only then start an active discussion. The unwillingness of someone from the group to communicate may show his weak knowledge in this matter or great self-doubt. If a person does not protest, but does not take part in communication, you need to involve him in a conversation, ask his opinion. Gradually, a person will gain confidence and become a participant in the conversation.
Do not be afraid to communicate with people of different professions, interests, social status. Over time, you will learn to adapt to any conversation and correctly “feed” yourself in society.
Communication in a team
In order for communication in a team to be pleasant and easy, it is important to consider only two main factors. The most important thing is to find an individual approach to each member of the team or a specific conversation. If you communicate with people new to you, try to exchange general phrases with each participant in the conversation in order to form an opinion about him, determine the type of his temperament, and learn about character traits.
Being engaged in building the right communication in the team, it is important to communicate with everyone at his level (except for people of higher positions). All team members should feel needed and respected. Only then will the communication process be pleasant and successful.
The second point is the ability to listen. We know how to speak from childhood, but the art of attentive attitude to the interlocutor is much more important. This is necessary in order for the conversation to be interesting, informative and enjoyable for all its participants. Don't interrupt the narrator. So you will give the impression of an uncultured person. In addition, your interference may throw the speaker out of his thoughts. Respect everyone involved in the conversation and you will be treated the same.
Dialogue with the opposite sex
Getting to know a person of the opposite sex requires special skills. Even with self-confidence and positive communication experience with your peers, it can be difficult to start communication with a member of the opposite sex. To make the acquaintance pleasant for both parties, it is important to follow some tips:
- Be natural. Don't try to be funny all the time or be overly serious. If you want to make a good impression, be yourself. It is sincerity that will help attract attention to you, and then conquer your future soulmate. Only in this way can you make communication alive and exciting.
- Starting a conversation, follow not only the vocabulary, but also the correctness of humor and the topics raised in the conversation. Inappropriate jokes and too personal questions can not only not interest a person, but even repel him.
- When you first meet, keep your distance, respect your personal space. You should not hug a representative of the opposite sex without his consent. At the beginning of the interaction, it is better to focus on building a dialogue.
- At the first contact, it is important to often look the interlocutor in the eyes and smile sincerely. This will show your openness, interest and sympathy for the person. Only in this way will you get a pleasant conversation that can later develop into something more.
The process of communicating with different people
In the course of daily communication, we encounter a huge number of people. Different characters, upbringing, social status, age and many other nuances affect the process of communication with each specific person. You must learn to apply an individual approach to different interlocutors, otherwise you may find yourself in an unpleasant situation.
Each person is a unique individual, and this must be reckoned with. If you disagree with someone, don't immediately criticize them. Calmly express your point of view and try to find a compromise.
If the phrases or jokes of the interlocutor annoy you, it is better to transfer the communication in a different direction, so you can avoid conflict. If you start making comments openly, you can provoke a scandal.
Communicating with some people, you should not discuss others. Firstly, your words may sooner or later "reach" the object of your conversation. Secondly, the reputation of a person who discusses and criticizes everyone will not bring you popularity. On the contrary, you will push people away from you. Few people want to openly communicate with such an unpleasant person.
Communication on the Internet is an invariable part of the life of any modern man. At the same time, online communication has some unique properties that live communication cannot boast of. These include:
- anonymity - no one can reveal himself anywhere as much as it is possible to do on the Internet. At the same time, the user himself determines how ready he is to reveal himself to this or that interlocutor, which of his character traits he would like to show and which to hide, and, importantly, the person himself regulates the duration of his communication, devoting exactly as much time to him as he can afford;
- a huge audience of potential interlocutors. Only through the Internet it is possible to communicate with people whom a person has never seen before, and perhaps never will see;
- the opportunity to find not only close friends, but also a life partner, if you're lucky.
In our article, we will talk about existing programs for communicating on the Internet, discuss their main differences from each other and the benefits for the user. In addition, we will give you some tips on how to more organically join the Internet crowd in order to avoid discomfort and create an interesting social circle for you.
Programs for communication on the Internet
Programs for communication on the Internet today are quite diverse. Some by modern standards are already considered a little outdated, but still hold their positions. E-mail is one of such programs, with the help of which communication over the Internet was originally organized. By logging into your mailbox on the selected service, you can read and write letters. Examples of such services are mail.ru, hotmail, yahoo.com and other mail sites.
Of course, mail is great, but in the beginning it is logical to find those to whom you can write letters. Traditionally, forums and chats are considered convenient for finding new acquaintances, where you can organize a discussion on a topic of interest to you, make inquiries on topics of interest to you, receive answers to your questions and, ultimately, form a certain circle of communication, the unifying factor for which will be common professional or personal interests.
Forums can be highly specialized (for example, a forum about computing and digital technology) or general topics, where a variety of topics are covered that are of interest to a specific target audience. There are also universal forums where you can just chat with people “about nothing”.
A more dynamic program for communicating over the Internet is chats like ICQ, Skype and others. There are thematic and general chats. It is in chats that you need to be active and quickly respond to ongoing events! Probably, one of the most common chat programs today is "ICQ" - ICQ, and this is quite understandable: the program allows you to quickly and easily communicate with online users. At the same time, the program does not load PC resources and takes up a minimum of space on the monitor. With this program you can send files, links to pages, SMS.
Several useful tips for chat life newbies:
- Always say hello when you arrive and say goodbye when you leave. This is an elementary rule of courtesy, do not neglect it.
- Try to choose chat rooms with fewer visitors, then it is more likely that you will be able to find interesting interlocutors for you, with whom it will be easier to communicate in the future in real life.
- Avoid big caps! In chats, this is considered a sign of bad taste, since it means screaming, and screamers are not liked.
- Add emoticons to your phrases, especially if this is the only way to determine your true attitude to what is written.
- Do not complex before wedged into someone else's conversation. The whole point of chats is that if the conversation takes place in an open mode, the interlocutor can join it at any time. However, intervene as tactfully as possible, do not start communication with accusations or disputes.
Of course, sooner or later you will face the question, what next? Limit yourself to written communication or meet live with interesting interlocutors? You decide! Most chats traditionally gather in certain places where people can chat with each other live and make new friends.
Social networks for communication
Now we invite you to talk about such a modern phenomenon as " social networks for communication". There are a myriad of them!
The most popular service for communication around the world at the moment is "WhatsApp". The program is installed on any mobile device and is suitable for any operating system, "WhatsApp" can be used by Apple fans, BlackBerry lovers, and smartphone owners Windows phone. The essence of the program is that it searches for all users known to it by phone numbers, with its help you can send text messages to these users for free during the first year of using the application, and starting from the second year, pay $ 1 per year for this service. In addition to text correspondence, using this service, you can exchange photo, video and audio files.
A similar “WhatsApp” program that uses its number as a subscriber identifier is “Viber”. Except listed functions, the program makes voice calls. And unlike its main competitor, this program is free.
The ChompSMS/Textra program has been specially developed for the Android platform. This program sends a message to any number bypassing the network of the mobile operator, but not for free, but in accordance with the rates on the official website.
Naturally, we could not ignore the world giant - "Facebook Messenger"! This program allows you to exchange text messages with your Facebook friends without going to the site of this network, as well as view the news feed and notifications. In addition to text messages, you can also send voice messages, but only if you are in a Wi-Fi zone.
The developer of the most famous social network in the vastness of our country, Vkontakte, Pavel Durov, created the Telegram messenger, which is essentially similar to WhatsApp. One feature is that you can prevent sent messages from being forwarded to anyone else and configure the program so that they self-destruct after a while. Registration is carried out by phone number.
Surely we will not be mistaken if we say that the main purpose of using social networks is to communicate with the opposite sex on a variety of topics. And indeed, communication with a girl on the Internet is easier and simpler for those who find it difficult to overcome their shyness and begin to freely communicate with a person immediately after seeing him for the first time in his life. In this context, social networks play the role of a kind of "bringer" - when people communicate with each other for some time, get used to the style of communication, and subsequently it is easier for them to interact in reality. However, do not forget that not a single, even the most advanced chat or forum, can replace a sincere conversation face to face in the company of a pleasant interlocutor. So get acquainted, communicate, find new friends and be sure to meet! We wish you good luck!
Despite the fact that most of us like to show off our inner freedom and looseness, many people around the world still continue to suffer from excessive shyness, lack of communication and complexes. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal lives.
With people? Think it's hard and you can't handle it? Wrong! Knowing a few is enough simple rules, then you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.
So, the topic of our today's conversation is "Communicate with people without problems."
Rule one. The main thing
If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: "People will treat you the way you treat them." Those. by and large - this is the principle of the mirror. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if relationships with this or that person are important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.
smile
Join the conversation
How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and inconvenient to even begin to express your own opinions? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try not to engage in dialogue at all for a while, at least until you finally determine the topic of conversation. Just sit and listen. And do not worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. Quite the contrary, in companies they love and value the listeners very much. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only from time to time asking clarifying questions.
Facial expressions and gestures
Surprised? Yes Yes! Your gestures and facial expressions are as important as anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, that you are hiding something and are most likely deceiving. Although remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And this, you see, few people like it. Reveal a secret to you? If you really want to know how to learn how to communicate with people, remember: slow, narrow and gentle gestures, and especially open palms, is one way to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called "mirroring" method, which consists in trying to copy the pace of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do it, the more likely it is that they will see you as a close in spirit, almost a native person.
Sight
The eyes, of course, are another important item. And this is not at all surprising. After all, it is with the help of views that, according to scientists, we get up to 90% of all the necessary information.
In this article, I tried to tell as much as possible about how to learn to communicate with and give each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not demeanor or speech at all. You yourself should act as an interesting interlocutor. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have great amount friends, try to captivate a person, keep up the conversation, let your eyes shine, do not leave your lips, and life is in full swing. And then, believe me, you will not have to look for communication, it will find you by itself.
How good do you think you are as a conversationalist? Have you ever had awkward pauses in a conversation? A few tips described in this article will help you become a better conversationalist, and awkward pauses will be a thing of the past. Being a good conversationalist is just a combination of different methods of communication. Body language, a few tricks and you will be able to easily carry on a conversation with any people.
Start with a question
Do you want people to remember you? Ask him interest Ask and listen carefully. This will give you the opportunity to make friends.
Get someone else's opinion
For example:
- Could you recommend me a good cocktail?
- Do you know the city well? Can you recommend me a good restaurant?
- Where did you buy this phone/accessory/clothes?
- What do you think about this party?
Applying Economic Concept to Conversation
Imagine that your conversation is a bank. If you have a lot of investments, then things are going well. If loans are more than investments, then something should be changed. Transferring this metaphor to communication, we get this.
Emotional investment
- agree with the interlocutor
- Proper body language
- Use the name of the interlocutor
- Tell jokes
- Encourage the ideas of the interlocutor
- Listen attentively
- Ask for an opinion
Emotional loans
- Disagree with the interlocutor
- Wrong body language
- talk a lot about yourself
- Flattery
- Vulgar and personal matters
Imagine that your conversation starts with a zero balance and do everything to increase it!
Copying body language
The practice of copying body language can help a lot. Is your interlocutor cross-legged? Cross yours. Put your hands on the table? Do the same. Everything is very simple. Time is also very important. Wait for the moment:
- When the interlocutor says something interesting
- When you wonder
- When the interlocutor is proud of something
And then copy it. The person will assume that you empathize with him and it will be great if this is true.
How to talk about yourself and not be terribly boring
You can be incredibly charismatic and interesting person. But, people are just not interested in hearing about others, no matter how wonderful you are. If you continue to follow our economic concept, then you must make an emotional investment. Make the interlocutor experience emotions and he will be very interested in talking with you.
Change the depth of the conversation
You know the proverb: small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events, and great minds discuss ideas? Use it. Start small and play a prank on someone, then get the other person's opinion on an event, and then move on to ideas related to that event. For example:
Introduction: Hello, how was your day?
Event: Are you planning something with Katya for Valentine's Day?
Idea: I saw an article on the internet about how we have perverted Valentine's Day from its traditional meaning.
Ask the other person to be interesting
Each person is interesting in their own way, but few really reveal themselves. So give them a chance to open up and they will only think of you. Here is a simple example:
Tell me something interesting about yourself.
This is a great conversation starter that will make you seem more attentive and at the same time give you the opportunity to learn something really interesting about the person.
How to ask people what they are doing
How do you spend your time when not...?
Instead of a blank, there should be something at the end that you know about the person. Here are some examples:
How do you spend your time when you're not writing your exciting blog?
How do you spend your time when you're not on Facebook?
How do you spend your time when you don't go to the gym?
Be a Good Listener
If you were to ask me for one piece of advice on how to be a good conversationalist, I would stop there. This is the most important part. Listen to the person. Be genuinely interested in what he is talking about. Lead the interviewer's story with your questions. Be interested in him and he will be interested in you in return.
Conversation pace
Basically, a fast paced conversation is a sign of nervousness and excitement, while a moderate pace is a sign of confidence. Therefore, try to speak at a moderate pace, but if your interlocutor speaks at a fast pace, copy it and speak the same way.
Change the subject correctly
This has happened to everyone: you are discussing something with your acquaintance, but then a third person bursts into your conversation and turns the whole conversation in his direction. It's terribly annoying. But, only if you're doing it wrong. You must make an emotional investment at the end of your monologue. This will divert attention and you won't look like an idiot by changing the subject. Example:
Chris: My son is a very good footballer.
Me: Cool! You once talked about where he trained. My son recently earned a black belt in Karate and is leaving for Korea on a student exchange program. After all, your son trained in Korea? Can you give me some tips?
In this dialogue, the emotional investment was a compliment to Chris and his son. I changed the topic of conversation to the one I needed, doing it right.
Give the right compliments
Compliments are a very powerful tool if used correctly. The correct way to use compliments is to make them about what the person is proud of. For example:
- If the person is in good shape and it is obvious that he spends a lot of time in the gym, compliment his figure.
- If a person is successful in their career, compliment their creativity, business acumen, or intelligence.
Do not compliment the qualities of people if they have not achieved this on their own. Do not speak beautiful girl that she is beautiful. She already knows it.
Unite your friends
If you are at a party or social event, you are unlikely to stand in one place. Most likely, you will go from one group of acquaintances to another. If you see people you know in different groups, don't be afraid to invite them to talk together. Do it with a joke and without tension. And then your friends will remember you as a very friendly person.