Experts in visual psychodiagnostics say: speech is only a third of human communication. Everything else - facial expressions and behavior. And some scientists still firmly believe that we are descended from monkeys. Hence the antics and adherence to various sign systems.

Women's psychology. Psychology of relations. understand a woman

man looks

If a woman is silent, do not draw early conclusions. Stronger sex it's worth looking at the details. From the point of view of facial expressions, signs and gestures, each part of her body lives an independent, conscious life, while constantly sending signals and hints. One brow alone can be bent into seven different configurations, each of which means something.

Often a man is interested in only two parameters of wordless understanding: the depth of the neckline and the height of the skirt. And while he, the poor man, measures these two concepts, drooling, perhaps he should look in the face. A barely noticeable arrow-shaped wrinkle in the middle of the forehead makes it clear that nothing shines for him. And vice versa: instead of snorting resentfully at the conservative maxi and orthodox golf under the chin, you can at least once look into wide-open eyes. Suddenly they are drowning in the abyss of desire? Just a favorite skirt of thirteen centimeters in height and the topic has not yet had time to dry after washing.

woman laughing

She knows that a sparkling mouth framed by a bud of wet lips, like a magnet, attracts a male gaze. Unless, of course, her dentist is not wasting his money. Such a smile is a sign of openness and makes even the most modest-looking accountant erotic.

If a woman laughs, then she can have arbitrarily many reasons for this. For example, the label on a new blouse, which strives to bring its mistress to madness.

The woman casts passionate glances towards the man

This is the most commonly used flirting technique. The look is different, especially if it is accompanied by a smile. All this is multiplied by moist eyes and a drop of dew on the lower, slightly inflated sponge. It means one thing - I want! That's just what - that's the question.

The man, of course, cannot believe his own eyes. First, he tries to guess how drunk the woman is. And then, what to do with all this happiness?

Often fixes hair

Wants to show that she is attractive. Shamelessly asks for a compliment. The man, of course, does not understand anything. His courtesy is enough to offer his shampoo and try to scratch her head himself, since his fingers are stronger.

By the way, most women are sure that it is better to “correct” blonde hair than hairstyles of other colors. It seems to them that in this case, men will take the hint more effectively.

Woman licking her lips

Wu-u-u ... Everything is serious. If five minutes ago she did not gobble up pies with jam, then she definitely wants to be kissed. And note: not on the cheek and certainly not on the forehead. It's time for action.

Woman looking straight ahead

Frankly makes it clear that he admires a man. "A choice specimen," her eyes say. In such occasions, one should not splash water on a woman, shout “Are you all right?” or try to look at it. It's also not worth kissing. She is in aesthetic prostration. You need to quickly remember all the romantic poses, and then, choosing one of them, stand like that until she starts to lick her lips.

The woman pretends to leave

It should not be kicked. It's too early to rejoice. In fact, she uses every opportunity to speed up the acquaintance before it's too late.
A man with her in a cafe. She tries to get up. Then you can offer the sixth cup of tea. Refused? But she didn't call you a curmudgeon? Not everything is lost. We quickly tell the autobiography in the creative manner of Alexandre Dumas and offer to drink the rest of the tea at home. If she is eager to get out after that, maybe she just needs to go to the toilet?

Woman folds her legs crosswise

Wants to appear sensual, which draws attention to the sexual parts of the body. This is also true when she plays with a chain around her neck, rubs her hips or waist.

If a woman periodically does this before she tries to leave or stare, she may be at work. Or the legs are very long, and in the deployed configuration they are somewhat shocking to the man with their scope.

A woman moves to the beat of the music, stamping her feet

Wants a man to ask her to dance. To do this, you must be at least in a nightclub. In another place, for example, in the subway or in a fixed-route taxi, even the bright successors of Freud's immortal work will not understand her hint.

« By chance”comes across a man, after which he asks for forgiveness with a glance and smiles, as if admitting his guilt.

A man can be sure: she wants to draw attention to herself. But which one depends on what she came across and what exactly. If head to head, it means that he prefers intellectual relationships. If in the area of ​​​​the diaphragm, he clearly shows off his bust or tries to knock out a wallet from his inner pocket. If in the waist area, then the man will not be at all up to distinguishing signs. He will have his own stars in his eyes.

Theoretically, the main signs of female symbolism are simple and understandable. In practice, it is sometimes difficult to understand them, even if high-flying intellectuals get down to business. And all because the woman is an actress. Giving one sign, she may have time to change her mind, and already occupy her head with another. Conclusion: maybe it's better to ask again if something is not clear?

All of us go on dates at least once in a while, regardless of age and gender, employment or interests. This time we will talk about the reasons why girls can be silent on a date and what needs to be done so that they can continue the conversation with you.

By “be silent”, I certainly do not mean that they will not utter a word. It could just be a reluctant, languid conversation, for example.

Each about his own.

Many guys (and girls too) on a date start talking about what they are interested in not wanting to hear the interlocutor . Undoubtedly, it is very interesting to talk about what you are interested in, but it is very important that this topic is interesting to your partner.

Not every girl will be happy to hear about how you fixed your car yesterday or who won yesterday's football match. Of course, originally she will pretend that she is interested maybe even will try to say something on this topic, but after a couple of minutes she will lose hope for a pleasant and interesting conversation and simply will not know what to say.

If you are interested in reading in more detail about what you should not talk about with a girl, you can read an article on this topic on our online magazine.

You are not interested in her.

One of the most common causes the silence of the girl is a lack of interest in the partner. This happens very often, especially if you met on the Internet. In this case, on the Internet, the girl saw one person in you, and when she met you, she saw a completely different one. At what, not always in the visual plan, often it concerns communication.

Here is an example from a friend of mine:

Once I met a girl through a dating site. At that time, my profile was almost perfect: beautiful, but slightly outdated photos (1-2 years old), a beautiful description. I rarely appear on dating sites at all, so I didn’t bother changing photos or information. However, at the meeting, the girl was cold, constantly silent, and after 40 minutes after the meeting she said that she needed to go home early today for some reason. By the way, I'm not deprived of my appearance, so I was very impressed. A similar situation was repeated several times with other girls. On one of the subsequent dates, one of the girls hinted that my page on the dating site does not quite match the real “I”. After that, I tried to change the information to another, more relevant one, download latest photos in good quality and without processing in Photoshop. Surprisingly, the problem went away after that.

If you are the way you describe yourself on a dating site, then the girl will represent you as well. If you describe yourself as one person, but in fact you are different, then the girl will not go on a date not with you, but with the one she introduced. And if these 2 images have nothing in common, nothing good will come of it.

The girl is shy.

Not the first, but not the last place is occupied by situations where a girl is simply shy. This can be related to anything: the character of the girl, your height (for example, when you are tall), your appearance (for example, when the girl liked you outwardly). In fact, there can be a great many reasons and it will be quite difficult to list them.

Critical days.

During critical days, girls are very irritable and capricious, therefore, any hint she doesn’t understand or your unwillingness to take her to the place she wants (and sometimes doesn’t even talk about it) can result in a protest, which can manifest itself in different ways, in including and silence.

How to deal with it? Know at least approximately her menstrual cycle and try not to catch her eye already a few days before the “red days of the calendar”, as well as during them and a few days after them.

Low self-esteem girls.

Sometimes you can meet girls with low self-esteem. Some make good contact, while others may experience some difficulties in communicating, but this does not mean at all that she is not interested in you. It is enough just to hook on her favorite topic and the problem will gradually, but disappear.

Just bad mood.

It also happens that a girl Bad mood. Some kind of problem at home, in relationships in a team (at school, work, for example), or any other of hundreds of others.

• Don't interrupt the girl. Girls do not like very much when they are not allowed to insert a word. If you started talking at the same time as the girl, stop. If the girl also stopped, ask again: “ Did you want to say something?" , or " Speak first 🙂” .
• Let the girl talk. Ask her about what you yourself are interested in or about what she herself would be interested in telling. It must be done in such a way that didn't feel like a poll at the local sobering-up station . This is very important, because many guys talk (and do not notice) to girls in this way.

We talk all the time about what is right, how it should be, how it should not be. Knowing the laws is very important. It is necessary. And saves many lives. But it is also important to remember that fanatical and blind adherence to the rules is harmful. A woman needs to keep her mouth shut. This is true. Instead of reproaching her husband, scolding him, calling him names, comparing, sawing. Be sure to close - so as not to destroy the relationship, so as not to humiliate a man, so as not to break him. Properly and in time, a closed mouth prevents scandals, swearing, fights.

But a woman should not completely close her mouth. I will not even talk about the diseases that develop due to the swallowing of resentment and suppression of anger. I'm only talking about relationship problems. When we try to put up with everything and endure everything, something terrible happens. We kill our love. We ourselves destroy in ourselves not only the very feeling for our man, but also the opportunity to revive this feeling.

Just an example. If you like sweets - for example, ice cream, and will only eat it ... After how many days will you feel sick? After how many days will you stop wanting it? And can you then want again?

This is what happens with women. I want to be good and patient. Accept everything with gratitude. And is silent. And inside is a storm. A storm, because you want separate housing. Or certainty with his work. Or a child. Or flowers. But you never know what a woman wants! Wants - and is silent.

Rejecting her desires as shameful, interfering with herself and her husband. How much God has given - so much I need. And he endures.

But she doesn't understand the consequences. One day, her patience breaks. And she can no longer physically bear this man around. It can't at all. She can love and respect him just the same. But never be with him.

As much as we love sweet things, all six tastes are important – just like in food. Sweet, sour, astringent, bitter, salty, pungent. The balance of the six tastes gives satisfaction. So it is in relationships. We need not only joy, but also Cohabitation difficulties, crises, joint grieving and even a sprinkling of quarrels and conflicts. Everything must be balanced. For our own health.

I know several such examples personally. Such good girls who were trying to build the perfect marriage. Deceiving everyone around with his happy appearance, hiding his desires and dreams inside. Pretending everything is great. And even for the husband it was a surprise that nothing was good. Never been good. That for the sake of a good picture she gave up herself. And all these years, hatred accumulated inside - for herself and this image. And to the man next to whom she behaved this way.

And they leave. They, good, ideal, leave by themselves. First. Sometimes - to someone. And to someone not so perfect and wonderful. And to the usual, next to which it is permissible to breathe, cry and even suffer from a headache. And sometimes they go nowhere. They leave in search of themselves. Herself, lost the moment she chose to remain silent.

I remember a conversation with a man who left his wife after eight years of marriage. They never fought and he was shocked. She took a small suitcase with things, two children and left. She left a note saying she could take the kids on weekends. As if she had just gone out for bread. And no matter how hard he tried, she did not return. She said that inside her something seemed to have died, broken.

And it gets weird, right? To be silent or not to be silent? To speak or not?

• Open your heart to your husband about everything.

Especially about things that are scary. If you cannot tell your husband everything you feel and think, this is a signal icon. Something is no longer right. You are already insincere. You are already deceiving both of you. You are already giving up a part of yourself - in the form of your feelings or thoughts. Even if it hurts him or you, speak up. Choose words, time, place, but speak. Talk about what you don't like, what causes you pain, anxiety. Do not wait for approval, support, help. Usually the first time for a man such behavior of a woman is a test.
We are afraid to open our hearts, because he will see us vulnerable, with a practically naked soul. This will make it much easier to get hurt. And besides, he will see that we are not perfect. And it can be disappointed, fall out of love, quit ...
In practice, silent wives are usually less attractive, relationships with them are more superficial. This is not even a relationship, but the appearance of a relationship, a kind of picture of an ideal family, inside of which there is emptiness and loneliness. Loneliness, in which a woman has driven herself into her silence and the desire to be perfect.

• Speak in a way that doesn't hurt.

That is, do not scold him, insult, nag. Talk not about him, but about yourself. It's not his fault that you feel this way. Most likely, you feel this way, and therefore he does what he has to do. You are depressed, he - without realizing it - is angry. Choose words, place, time .

• Talk about yourself.

I feel bad. I don't understand myself. It's hard for me. I'm in a panic. I'm upset. Remember books about children's upbringing, how you need to explain to a child what he did wrong. And apply the same to your husband. He is the same person. Not accusations, but "I-messages".

• Be direct about your desires and dreams.

No need to put ultimatums - "either I, or your mother." No need to press. Talk openly about what you want - separate housing, children, creativity, support. And don't expect to get it all right away. The main thing here is permission. By talking about this, you begin to allow yourself your own desires and dreams. This does not mean that they are now mandatory and you follow this. You simply allow yourself to want what you have wanted for so long. But you pretend you don't want to. Why only?

• Don't gloss over conflicts.

Do not allow everything to come back after a quarrel without a conversation. Speak up. Talk about how hard it was for you. Talk about your feelings. It is not necessary to pour out all the experiences only to your husband - go to your older friend, the priest. The husband after all such flow can and not sustain. Ask your spouse for forgiveness. Accept his apology. Discuss the topics that started the fire.

• Be honest with yourself. You are the same as everyone else.

You go to the toilet. You are angry. Are you jealous. You are jealous. You cry. You are scared. You are an ordinary earthly woman, just as vulnerable, illogical and emotional. And everyone around you is the same. Cover girls fart and don't look as model in the morning as they do in the magazine. So stop making yourself a marble perfect idol - " Perfect wife". Nobody needs it - the monument is cold and hard. And your husband needs a warm and loving wife. Not ideal. Live.

• If they don’t listen to you or you don’t know how to speak yet, write letters

You can't be completely silent. But sometimes the husband is not ready to hear something. Then sit down and write him a letter. And then decide for yourself whether to send or not.

One of my friends could not solve the issue of marriage with her husband. Ten years together. Two children. But he doesn't marry. Doesn't hear her. At least leave.

And then she started writing letters to him. About my feelings and anxieties. Paper is easier to open. About why this is important to her, why she needs it. And how it hurts to hear the rejection. Like she's not his princess. Many letters were written. But she put one of them in his work bag.

In the evening, the husband was unusually quiet and silent. He looked at her strangely. She had already managed to be frightened that he thought of her and whom he mentally called her. But I decided not to react to the changes. Live like before. And two days later she received a reply. Letter on the kitchen table in the morning. About his fears and experiences. About how afraid he is of losing her. She sobbed right there, all morning. And she didn't say anything to him in the evening. She was thoughtful and quiet.

And a few days later, an envelope was waiting for her again on the same table. With a ring. And in one sentence - Do you still want to marry me?

The letter is universal. It can be rewritten, thrown out, corrected. You can think about it, choose words. This makes it easier to express your feelings. Yes, and it’s easier to open up on paper than to your beloved eyes, especially if you need to confess something.

And don't be silent. As soon as the woman is silent, everything starts to fall apart. This is a warning sign if you cannot or do not want to open up to your loved one. Before it's too late - stop enduring and trying to seem perfect. Speak up. Stay true to yourself.

Because once the accumulated snowball of resentment and discontent can cut off your path back to your beloved husband.

Olga Valyaeva

Many men in their relationships with girls (women) faced the problem of "ignoring" them by a girl. This could manifest itself in different ways, for example, the girl does not call or write to you, does not answer your calls, and at the meeting she is silent for a long time. There can be many reasons for such behavior of girls, and often, some of them are clear only to them, and men, no matter how hard they try to understand them, cannot do anything. About why she is silent, our article will tell.

Consider some of the reflections of men and women, which, when "finding out", can lead to such "ignoring":

• A man, speaking about love, often characterizes only the degree of pleasure that he receives. A woman thinks that talking about love is a guarantee of future relationships and recognition of her exclusivity.
• When a man gives a woman a ring, he makes her happy, hoping, for example, for a response in bed or without any intention. But women regard such gifts almost as an engagement.
• The man praises the food prepared by the woman and gladly stays to spend the night with her, because everyone is pleased to wake up in a clean apartment and eat not sandwiches or scrambled eggs for breakfast, but a real homemade appetizing breakfast, which was also served beautiful woman. But a woman at this time presents a picture of a successful marriage, perceiving such a “residence” of a man “on her territory” as the first step towards marriage.
• When a man asks who a woman is with, where she is and what she is doing, he is simply wondering when he can expect to meet her. And the woman thinks that the man is very much interested in her personal life, because he claims to be "unique and unique."

When such things are cleared up, a woman feels used, that's why she is silent and she has no desire to communicate with a man. In order to avoid such unpleasant situations, you need to calmly sit down and discuss the situation.

What other reasons could there be

In addition to all of the above, you need to remember that if everything is too good, then it is "also bad." After all, then it would be boring and monotonous, which would serve as a pretext for other tensions in the relationship between a woman and a man. Also, everyone knows that in a relationship everything cannot be very smooth and amicable. It must be borne in mind that communication is a manifestation of the relationship between a man and a woman. Since, with the help of communication, and not just actions and deeds, we demonstrate an attitude towards each other.

To understand why a woman reacts this way, you need to put yourself in her place. It is very difficult, because people are so different and it is difficult to imagine yourself in the place of another person. Think, maybe you said something or did something “wrong” and the girl, after a while, rethinking your words or actions, does not want to speak first.

But do not be upset, because such behavior of girls is, as a rule, a short-term phenomenon. Try to be more persistent or, on the contrary, give her a "rest" from you, because a girl can just be shy and uncommunicative, which does not mean at all that you have become indifferent to her. But, nevertheless, if the girl's behavior does not change over time, then you need to understand that she does not want to see you at all, she does not need you. With this, no matter how sad it may be, you need to put up with it and remember that life does not end there.

Now you know why she is silent!

I am a man [For men, and a little about women] Sheremeteva Galina Borisovna

The silence of a woman

The silence of a woman

If a woman is silent for a long time and is forced to think silently, her brain turns on the negative cultivation of problems. In this state, she may well grow an elephant out of a fly.

Woman gets pregnant everything that comes from a man - a rudely spoken word, a misinterpreted gesture, the wrong tone, look. And work begins in the woman's brain.

If a woman is silent, she is preparing an atomic bomb!

In fact, when a woman stops talking, her brain continues the conversation. Unfortunately, in such a state, she cannot come up with anything positive. Women are collective beings who need joint verbal reflection. They need to know the opinions and desires of their entire family in order not to offend anyone and keep the peace.

So the woman was silent. Like soil, your rude phrase, look, tone of speech got into her brain. Now she will look for flaws in herself, on the basis of which what she perceives from you will begin to develop and germinate. The more a woman is silent, the more seriously she exposes herself to criticism and self-flagellation.

Often, falling silent, a woman begins to think like this: “Oh, since you treat me so badly, what are you saying, I won’t talk to you anymore ...”

But this is only the beginning.

Then she will evaluate your phrase, without criticism, but simply perceiving it as a "pregnancy" that has already happened, which has begun to develop: "If you said so, then everything is bad with me."

Then she will criticize and destroy herself in a way that no one else will ever be able to do. Only she can trample on everything valuable in herself with such passion. If she is not stopped, then she will lower her self-esteem below the floor.

This doesn't happen with men. First, because he only thinks silently.

Secondly, since a man would rather blame others for his mistakes than admit his guilt. What is there to say about self-criticism. The more a man is silent, the more he is sure of his uniqueness, correctness and even genius. So nature arranged it, because he has to silently make important decisions on hunting or war.

When a woman is told: “You are beautiful,” she thinks: “Probably they are laughing at me and something is wrong with me.”

If there is silence after that, she will find a moment to run to the ladies' room and look at herself from all angles in search of a problem.

Many men were surprised. They thought that women so often want to admire themselves.

In fact, if a woman looks at herself in the mirror, she is looking for her problems.

When a man is told: “Good”, he will take it as a confirmation of his value and significance: “Yes, I am like that.”

It would never occur to any of the men to take this as an insult or criticism.

It is too hard for a woman to remain silent for a while. That only they do not think of themselves when they are silent. Therefore, wanting to punish a man, some women use silence. They think it will hurt the man just as much as it hurts them.

In fact, in silence, the man rests and relaxes, and the woman continues her destructive process.

Often in silent women, the hormonal background is disturbed, resulting in a weakened nervous system, tears, tantrums, weight disorders, sleep, headaches, failures in the normal functioning of female organs.

This text is an introductory piece. From the book Psychotherapy. The art of understanding nature by Rout Sheldon

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