8 ways to keep your husband. How to save a relationship on the verge of divorce!
It would seem that only yesterday your couple was a real role model! He tirelessly admired the grace of your gait, held your hand tightly when you were especially worried, idolized the mole on your neck, and you still remember the smell of the roses that he presented to you at the maternity hospital. But now the familiar and cozy world is bursting at the seams, threatening to crumble into dust. Total misunderstanding, oppressive silence, hysterics and loneliness together. How could you come to all this? And is it possible to stop a train that is threatening to go off the rails?
Here are some clever tricks to help save a relationship on the verge of divorce. How to keep your husband in the family and return love? Here are 8 magic pills - 8 ways to keep your husband!
8 ways to keep your husband. How to save a relationship from divorce?
1. Turn on emotional self-control mode
There is nothing worse than an offended woman who spills her poison out, unable to control the strength of her emotions. She dumps everything on her husband’s head, not allowing him to catch his breath or defend himself, and then wonders why the man leaves. If you want to save your relationship, don’t rush to thoughtlessly discard negativity, it’s better to take a break and calm down.
Work through grievances in advance, find the true cause of the conflict, and then come to discuss disagreements. Men find it difficult to cope with a large number of emotions; their psyche is weaker.
2. Forgive your spouse for past mistakes.
If you decide to save your marriage, stop reminding your husband of the sacrifice you have made. Yes, he hurt, and you have been storing up resentment for so long, but now everything is in the past, let go of the situation! You yourself are far from an angel, so why not build the relationship anew, from scratch?
Meditate, try yoga practice, learn to live relaxed and on a positive wave. There is nothing like the present moment, you both have a chance if you just start noticing the best in each other.
3. Give freedom of action
Problems in the family begin when both try to control each other, imposing their vision of what is good. “You must” or “change for our love!” As a result, the man loses himself and realizes that he is no longer truly welcome. Stop imposing standards, nagging and remaking your partner’s personality, demanding good treatment.
Leave your husband alone. Give him freedom to take initiative, choose a pastime, and self-realization.
Want to spend an evening with colleagues? So please. And you spend time on yourself, get a new hairstyle, buy a beautiful dress. Let him look at you with new eyes, see not just a tired housewife, but a beautiful woman who is happy with him, who feels good with him! And also... smile more often in his presence.
4. Share his interests with him
How to keep your husband? A strong family begins where husband and wife profess the same values and support common interests. How long have you been interested in how your man lives? Does he love locking himself in his room and making flying machines? So join him to help out with a little hobby.
Brought a box of worms and are going to go fishing? Buy pizza, rubber boots and volunteer to be a helper. At first it will seem ridiculous and funny, but very soon he will appreciate your enthusiasm and look at everything in a new way. As a bonus, you will be able to spend more time together and there will be new topics for chatting.
5. Learn to trust and rely
A man subconsciously feels everything well. If you showed distrust of him out of nowhere, did not want to believe in his strengths and capabilities - what can you catch in such a relationship? It's like living with an enemy who constantly keeps you at gunpoint and checks you for lice, when you simply cannot relax. Learn to show patience and respect to your spouse, since you once chose him for a reason.
Do not pester your husband with petty control or interrogations, do not prohibit or track him down. A man is inspired by a woman who believes in him; she wants to fit in with her.
6. React to signs of attention
Another mistake that costs you dearly is the inability to correctly accept gifts from a man. Finally, understand that not only flowers and diamonds are worthy of your admiration. If he selflessly looked after you during your illness, thank him and don’t take him for granted. Hold the doors to the store, chase away the angry dog, run in the middle of the night for Belgian waffles? These are small deeds in your honor.
Try to note such nuances, or even better, reciprocate, showing the same signs of attention. Mutual gratitude in a relationship is extremely valuable.
7. Give up the habit of complaining
Sometimes it’s so nice to come to your beloved friend with a bottle of wine to wash your spouse’s bones. And in a fit of anger, I want to call my mother and cry into her warm chest. But be careful! Looking for support on the side and throwing mud at half, remember, you will make peace, and a bad opinion of your husband will spread throughout the world like a plague, returning like a boomerang at the most inopportune moment.
Give up the habit of pouring a bucket of dirt on the head of everyone you meet; after all, you yourself chose this person and now you are putting the soul of your family on public display. Happiness does not like prying eyes...
8. Become an outlet for a man
Do you know what kind of woman is precious? Not the one who cooks borscht and makes dumplings like a regular, who raised her beloved son or became a real sex guru. The one who loves, believes and serves as support becomes truly irreplaceable. He doesn’t carry everything on himself, but inspires a man to achieve accomplishments, serving faithfully when everyone around him turns away.
Be close to your partner, become his muse and heart, and he will never want to lose you!
Stop sawing the branch on which your happiness grows. Stop cutting off oxygen to someone you want to see alive and full of energy. Learn to trust, be grateful, and also be patient. You've been destroying each other's happiness for so long that now it takes time to heal the wounds and dry the tears. Don't stop loving...
Women learn about their husband's infidelity in different ways. And there is always a mass of feelings that replace each other: from shock to the desire for revenge. Of course, all cases are different, but there are common mistakes that can be avoided so that you don’t have to think about how to keep your husband and not destroy the family.
The first mistake is studying your shortcomings with special care.
Even when a woman is unsure of cheating, but she has vague doubts, she tries to justify her husband’s strange behavior and explain his actions. Wives are always the last to know about everything. But this happens not because husbands are good at hiding, but because the woman simply does not want to notice her husband’s changes. And if a woman nevertheless finds out that there has been betrayal, then her anger is primarily directed at herself.
When a woman finds out about cheating, she should not rush to look at her shortcomings under a microscope. Of course, it’s worth thinking about your mistakes; it will even be useful for establishing control over the situation. Analyzing your behavior can serve as an impetus to get out of a stressful state, but in this situation, self-criticism is a reaction to the pain caused by the news of betrayal.
The second common mistake is the scandal and aggression that a woman takes out on her husband. Such a reaction is just a defense and can save the wife’s psyche.
At this moment, the woman, choking on negative emotions, makes scandals in public and forbids seeing her children. She hopes it will get easier, but in fact, the situation will only get worse. The husband will be offended, and the woman with such behavior only pushes the man away from her.
Family life is over. Such thoughts are the third mistake a woman makes. After a series of scandals, a feeling of emptiness sets in. Life now is a continuous experience that sometimes it seems that there is no future. The happy years of family life are over, and only resentment and pain remain. Of course, since it will never happen before. But new relationships can also be happy.
A woman should know that cheating is not the end of a relationship. This is most likely a signal that something was wrong in the family. And many families continue to live together.
Another mistake is trying to return the past, to do everything to make it as it was before. Against the background of betrayal, feelings can flare up with great force. But, for some reason, no matter how boring the relationship is, the woman strives to return it. And this happens due to the fact that the human psyche, in particular the wife, strives to return to the state when the spouses were together.
No need to bring back the past! After all, in this past the husband cheated on his wife. You can even hold on with love, but it won’t be the same as before. Realizing that the past cannot be returned, the woman begins to fear that her husband will leave again. She begins to suspect the man and is afraid that the affair “on the side” is not over. As a result, out of fear, the woman begins to act illogically: she finds fault with little things, reminds him of his misdeeds, and creates scandals with hysterics.
There are “helpful tips” for women whose husbands have cheated on them. You definitely can’t follow these tips!
- Tip #1: Don't keep your emotions to yourself. If your husband did this to you, then you can afford to yell and make trouble. Find out from him all the details of the betrayal, when it happened and where.
- Tip #2: Think about what happened, even if the situation begins to turn into an obsession. Don't let your thoughts think about anything good. Every time after work, make a scandal with your husband.
- Tip #3: Do not let your unfaithful husband into your bed and do not allow physical contact.
- Tip #4: Now the husband is an “empty place” in the house. You yourself are able to cope with all the responsibilities around the house.
- Tip #5: Break off friendships with all your girlfriends. They are also women and can pose a danger.
After everything you have experienced, you simply need to find the strength to continue life with the man who cheated on you and build a new relationship after the betrayal. It’s difficult to forget betrayal, but you can simply not remember it or take it as a lesson for yourself. Don’t be afraid to take the risk of going on a new journey, taking with you only what will help in your new family life and make it better.
How to keep your man, husband in the family? So that he does not go to his mistress or to another woman. This topic is very delicate and painful because it concerns many people. The main thing to start with is if your husband is a complete alcoholic, a drunkard, a drug addict, or you have been living with him for 2-3 years, and he has become a womanizer, it is not worth living with such people at all, and keeping him. You are not a martyr, you don’t have to endure all this, you just deserve better. Not necessarily a better man or husband, you deserve not to be offended, not to be humiliated. Of course, you have the right to choose either to endure it or to leave and experience some difficulties, primarily material ones, perhaps this is some kind of comfort. But in your soul you will be worthy, no one will offend you, no one will beat you and humiliate you. You will be free and be who you want to be. We immediately exclude these cases.A woman should be confident in herself. There is no need to blow dust off the man who has returned. Men value high self-esteem in a woman. And they will always choose a woman who can cope with difficulties, and a gray mouse that is always roaring and in fear will not be attractive to him.
How to properly care for your husband
But let's return to our topic of conversation: how to keep your husband at home? For example, your man returns home, tired from work, and from the doorway you start nagging him about money, telling him what good and rich husbands your friends have. By doing this, first of all, you lower his self-esteem; this should not be done under any circumstances. Or from the very beginning you start complaining about the children, how badly they behave, how poorly they study. Wait, let the man first come to his senses after work, have dinner what you prepared, or cook it together. When he rested, the children went to bed, since children should not hear your squabbles, scandals and complaints, accusations towards your husband, then talk to your man.The next thing you should not do is reproach him about little things: trousers, socks, shirt thrown in the wrong place. Naturally, if he was sitting at home and not working or came in at lunchtime and there was such a mess everywhere, then of course he could have cleaned up after himself. But when he has problems, stress, or conflict situations at work, there is no need to do this. Either he will go to someone who will not force him to clean up after himself every evening, who will be able to look after him after work, understand that with your whining you irritate him, even your voice begins to irritate him. He will want to go where it is quiet, calm and where he will be appreciated.
Not only women love with their ears, men also want to hear compliments addressed to them, so tell him what a good father he is, that he comes home from work and takes care of the children, what a good husband he is, etc.
Pay attention to yourself before you reproach your husband, because you are not perfect either.
The next thing you need to do is constantly talk with your man so that there is no misunderstanding between you. You should not overwhelm yourself by digesting everything within yourself. There definitely needs to be a dialogue, a conversation between two people. Everything that happens between you should happen through dialogue.
Remember, you cannot ask him about his ex-women, whether they were better or I was better, this should not be done under any circumstances. He lives with you, which means you are the best.
Learn to understand your husband's psychology
It’s better to find out from your man what kind of childhood he had, what difficulties he had, what difficulties, experiences he had, so that he could trust you with his most intimate thoughts, since he can go where they will listen to him, where he is interesting, and you will not be able to keep your husband. Even if she is not beautiful, fat, or interesting, as you think, but they will listen to him there, and he will feel necessary. The main thing is that your husband trusts you with his innermost thoughts, that you have mutual secrets, that not a single part of his soul is hidden from you. So that he would be an open book for you, a spiritual open book.Dear women, know how to listen, speak, praise your man at least once a day, so that he feels necessary, then you will never lose your loved one.
Finding a man is one thing, but keeping him near you is something completely different. Both stages are equally important, but it is still more difficult to keep a man close to you. Maybe women who managed to marry successful men have some special secrets about how to keep the man they love?
This article is not a comprehensive guide to how to marry the man you love and keep the man you love, but it will nevertheless give you the basic guidelines that you need to follow in order to turn your dates into a deeper relationship.
If you yourself don’t like who you really are, then you shouldn’t expect this from a man. Do some self-reflection and change what you don't like. High self-esteem is key.
Chat with a man
From the very beginning of dating and throughout your married life, the key to maintaining your relationship with a man is communication. Tell him everything you feel - both good and bad. Oddly enough, for many it is not obvious that before receiving a marriage proposal, you need to build a close relationship with a man. Therefore, while you are still “just dating,” try to find out more about him, and in turn tell him about yourself.
Be natural
In order to captivate the man you love and keep him close to you for a long time, it is important to be able to be versatile.
Despite all the glamor advertising claims about silicone breasts, hair extensions and other rubbish, men really only value what is genuine. Be natural, don’t try to put on someone else’s mask. He must get to know the real you, because he will be married to the real you for many years.
Be sexy
Yes, sex is not the only thing in a relationship, but nevertheless it is still very important, and sex will help keep the man you love. Show that you “want” him. Don't be too stiff and cold. Allow this side of your relationship to be free, fun and lively. After all, men who want to get married are looking for more than just a roommate.Be emotionally stable
Life with you doesn't have to be like a roller coaster. Men don't like hysterics. It can be very difficult at times to maintain composure in our crazy world, but nevertheless it is necessary. Learn to relax your nerves and calm your emotions. How to keep a man, captivate him so much that he cannot imagine his life without you?
Men take longer than women to decide about marriage. They are very careful in these matters and believe that they should get to know the woman well before making a marriage commitment. Often this slowness is simply unbearable for a woman. But men (as well as women, however) must be sure that they are compatible with their future partner on all levels. This process must happen at its own pace. Therefore, if you begin to put pressure on a man, forcing him to make a decision before he feels that he knows you enough, he will most likely choose to disappear from your life. Don't mention marriage until he brings it up or at least a year into your relationship. In other words, if theoretically a man is not against marriage, you should wait (within reason, of course) for him to mature. But if he remains a fierce opponent of marriage, even after a long period of your relationship, draw conclusions. And reconsider your attitude towards him.
Be happy and cheerful during your meetings
If your first dates are fun and enjoyable for both of you, he will definitely want a closer relationship. As he gets to know you better, more and more often he will think that perhaps you are the woman with whom he wants to spend his life, give birth and raise children. He will begin to think more seriously about his future, career, and buying a home. And, if he considers himself prepared and mature enough for marriage, as soon as he makes a decision about you, he will immediately propose to you.It is useful to show yourself as a confident and slightly arrogant person. Many men love confident women. They are flattered that they were able to win a woman who values herself highly.
Be gentle and affectionate
A special look, a scratch on the back, a light kiss... But(!) - nothing cloying or inappropriate.
Admire your man. Do this even if he already has a high ego. Praise him when he does something good, and avoid whining, scolding, and blaming him when he acts like a bad boy.
Be cheerful.
A woman who is happy with the very fact of her existence and enjoys every minute, irresistibly attracts men to her. Don’t be a prude and a pessimist, and the man you love will always be with you.
Men literally melt when they see the shining eyes of their beloved woman, in which one can read love for him and the warmth of her heart. This is something that can dispel all his doubts and bind him to you stronger than the heaviest shackles. It is to such radiant eyes that male poets dedicate their poems.
Modesty will help keep the man you love close
A humble person is not one who underestimates himself, but one who knows how to control his ego and takes a sincere interest in others.Don’t try to turn your relationship into a “one-sided game” because you won’t be able to keep a man that way. If you want to be treated with respect and your wishes, respect his wishes and needs as well. Don't be afraid to give more than you receive. This is the only way to keep your beloved man with you for a long time.
Remember that many men don't mind dating a woman they really like as long as they don't view her as "marriage material." If, after six months or a year of your relationship, you have not yet heard about his future plans to start a family (no matter with or without you), ask him what kind of woman he imagines as his future wife. If you recognize him in the description of yourself, this is a good sign. If we are talking mainly about the sexual merits of a woman, most likely he is not going to get married in the coming years.
If you still feel the need for a serious conversation, just reconsider your approach to this. Don't start talking with a serious tone. The pressure will inevitably trigger his innate fear of commitment. Therefore, be extremely diplomatic: “I love you very much and I feel good with you. But like any normal woman, after some time I want to get married. So I want to know if you are planning to start a family in the future. And is it possible that as we get to know each other better and better, you will begin to look at me as your potential wife? You gave the man food for thought. Now he will think about it intensely and, willingly or unwillingly, try on you for the role of his wife. Don't give ultimatums or demand an immediate response.
Show unconditional love to your man
Lasting relationships are based on more than just mutual comfort. When you support another in a difficult time for him, without thinking about your own benefits and interests, you show your devotion, and in return you receive trust and gratitude. Unconditional love is something that develops over time. It's the choices we make, not necessarily the feelings we experience. If she is between you, you are not afraid of any rivals. Now this man belongs only to you.Few registered marriages nowadays it is possible to preserve it. There are a whole bunch of reasons, the banal answer is that the characters didn’t mesh. Keeping a family together and making family life sweet is not easy. Couples who have been married for 10-12 years come to the conclusion that building a relationship all this time is a very sensitive and difficult task that requires understanding and patience from partners.
Now it's very fashionable» civil marriages, many couples are in no hurry to legitimize theirs, and it’s so good. Often a man simply doesn’t need this, and a woman waits for the moment so as not to scare off her prey. Many women make the mistake of thinking that if the relationship is not being built at the moment, then after the stamp appears in the passport everything will change and you will be able to redo it and change it. If the relationship does not work out initially, then this marriage is at risk of being dissolved from the very beginning. Experience shows that such marriages are doomed. Therefore, before you go to the registry office, learn to understand and accept your loved one for who he is. Remember that you can only change and re-educate yourself, and it doesn’t always work out, but if you love another person, just accept him with his shortcomings.
More total men Indifference is annoying and tiring, when no one is waiting at home, doesn’t talk to him, is not interested in him. Don't be indifferent. Many men, therefore, get dogs, because from the tips of their ears to the tips of their tails they are “not indifferent” to their owners, they always love them, wait for them and are always welcome. If the dog is troublesome, then they can take themselves as a mistress. Although the second option is more expensive.
Don't expect from men something unreal, that he himself will figure out something, they are structured in such a way that they require constant prompting. I fantasize that a woman can go far from reality. It might look something like this: You think that your loved one will greet you with a huge bouquet of flowers after work today (there is some reason for this), but this did not happen. You sulk at him all evening, without telling him what’s going on, you want him to guess, but this, alas, does not happen, you swear and, as a result, the evening is ruined. Many women believe that, but it should... Remember, dear ladies, no one owes anyone anything!!!
Another rule Never talk to a man about serious things on an empty stomach. Feed him, give him something to drink, and only then start talking. Don't try to decide for your loved one what will be best for him. After all, he is already an adult and lived quite normally before you and made decisions. Let him decide for himself what, how with whom and where. By deciding for him, you deprive him of his arches, and men really don’t like this. When solving problems, decide whether it is within your competence.
Don't drive the horses! Many women so hurried that her problem needs to be solved right away, or it would have been better to do it yesterday. In your opinion, he should drop everything he’s doing and rush to solve your problems. At first, of course, he will do this, but everything comes to an end and once again it will all end in a scandal.
You need fix the faucet, hang a shelf, and he keeps pulling, and you saw him. Men, of course, are all different, some are waiting for a magic foam to do something. And many are waiting for the right moment, the mood. Don't waste your nerves and time. He will definitely do everything, and cutting every day is not an option. And if he has already decided to do something, then don’t bother with your advice, he started hammering a nail, don’t teach him how best to do it. If you are so knowledgeable and capable, then do it yourself. If he undertakes to wash the dishes, then let him wash them; if he does something wrong, you can do it again later. Otherwise, during your remark, he will also remember that washing in court is not a royal business.
At quarrels do not resort to insults, since after a quarrel you will definitely need to make peace. But the quarrel will still remain in the soul, and the more this “bad” accumulates, the more difficult it will be to reconcile.
Don't refuse to my husband in sex, you must always be ready for it. After all, he lives with you for the purpose that there will always be sex. If you do not want sex for health reasons, then discuss this issue with your loved ones and consult a doctor. If the problem is getting pleasure, then there is a large amount of literature on this issue, and if it doesn’t help, then it’s also worth seeing a doctor. Some women use sex as a way to influence their husband. This is not the best way to achieve your goal!!! Do not humiliate yourself and do not humiliate others with jealousy. There are many families that fall apart due to intense jealousy. Wives try to go through their karmas, look at personal messages, look through their phones, only to find some kind of incriminating evidence. Even if a woman doesn’t find anything, she is in doubt, maybe he very cleverly covered up all his tracks.
Remember that everything Problems(99%) can be resolved and can only be resolved through negotiations. There are, of course, two exceptions. The first case, if a solution cannot be found, then change your attitude towards the problem. Second option, if you cannot come to terms with the situation and change your attitude towards it, then do not be afraid of divorce. There is no need to force yourself to live with a person with whom you are not comfortable, especially if it is mutual. In any case, try to save the family; if this fails, then there is only one way out.
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Good time.
A very difficult situation. The fact is that I am in a relationship with a man 5 years younger. We have been dating him for 1.5 years now. He has very difficult relationships in his family, so strange and incomprehensible to me that I don’t even know where to write... his genetics scare him - a very oppressive father, and his difficult relationship with his wife (some kind of lack of respect for women in the family ) my MCH’s grandfather beat his wife (i.e., his grandmother), she was in the hospital more than once (with breakdowns), she simply had to run away from him from Moscow to St. Petersburg. So, he grew up in such a family, he saw all this and still sees it...
My experiences are related to the fact that his character manifests such an attitude towards me. For example, I can’t go to the gym alone or sit in a cafe and just drink coffee (there’s jealousy, crazy screams, throwing the phone)... I’m very jealous and suspicious of everything...
The words that I am a woman and MUST be pliable and manageable are also scary. It’s also alarming that in a joke he can say something like this and wants to give it to you... at the same time he smiles, and this is a joke. I told him to stop doing this because... I hate it, but it still happens from time to time...
Recently we had an argument, and I ran out of the car and just walked around, when I returned, he was no longer there. I called, and the screaming and clarification continued again. in the end, when I gathered my strength and decided to go... he ran out of the house, kicked my car, shouted at me, called me a bitch, a creature, and at the same time hit me on the hands, because I was trying to calm him down... He brought it on brought me to tears, slammed the car door on me and left. Some woman who watched all this calmed me down.
Afterwards there was an unimaginable number of calls to me, I did not answer. As a result, we talked, but he never apologized to me... he started blaming me again that I was to blame for everything, and his behavior too... I want to be with him, even when he doesn’t communicate with his family ( cat, he is constantly humiliated and reproached, especially by his mother), he is a normal guy. But as soon as some kind of communication occurs, he becomes another person, and this is reflected in me.
Tell me what to do. I'm confused. I either feel happy or unhappy, and fear that this will happen to him all his life. Break up, leave? or fight? what to expect from a person like him and his family? Thank you in advance.
Irina, St. Petersburg, 32 years old
Psychologist's answer:
Hello Irina.
You won’t break up with him, or rather, for you the question is not worth it at all, you ask the question of what to do rather for reassurance, imaginary reassurance, and even give hints - “when he doesn’t communicate with his family, he’s a normal guy” . This is his personality, and not the influence of external forces on a weak, good boy. Jealousy hides behind sadistic tendencies, which help him get closer to power. To do this, it is necessary to make the other person helpless, submissive, to break his spirit through humiliation, threats and then demonstrating his dependence on the victim and super-love for her.
He understands what he is doing, but he can afford it, because no matter how much they kick you, you “want to be with him.” Ambivalent feelings, sometimes fear, sometimes happiness, this is a good mess for a sadist, loss of yourself and control over the situation, you are in his hands, but you also ended up there of your own free will and by your own choice, no matter how much you try to prove to yourself otherwise. And give yourself sweets in the form of 0.1 percent of the imaginary probability of a favorable relationship.
Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.