In recent months, the topic of depression has been actively discussed in social networks and the media. Many dare to tell their stories of struggle and overcoming illness. A lot of frank, important and useful texts are being written about postpartum depression. Today we present to you a material about the phenomenon of male postpartum depression, which was written for us by a young father with psychological education, the author of the telegram channel about parenthood Sergey Galiullin.
A year ago my daughter was born. A little earlier, my wife and I agreed that I would leave work and sit, lie down and do everything else with the child all day long. After giving birth, the wife took a month off, and a month later she went to the kitchen, turned on the computer and started working. And I began to babysit my daughter.
After some time, I realized that I was getting tired, angry, becoming inadequate. My wife was always there: firstly, she breastfed, secondly, she took the brunt at night, and thirdly, she helped if I was wedged.
I have always known that postpartum depression in mothers is related to hormonal changes during pregnancy and childbirth. But I decided to clarify whether something happens. I burrowed into Scientific research and at the same time interviewed acquaintances of young fathers in order to verify the testimony.
How does postpartum depression affect fathers?
What scientists say
The British Parent Support Society identifies the following symptoms of postpartum depression in fathers:
- The father spends little time with the child or avoids contact with him altogether;
- Gets irritated for any reason and provokes quarrels in the family;
- Behaves irrationally: abuses alcohol, carelessly drives a car, cheats on his wife;
- Closes in itself, avoids friends, abandons former hobbies;
- Lacks sleep, constantly gets tired, feels physically weak.
Even one of the symptoms may indicate the onset of depression. But if the father is experiencing all of the above problems, it's time to sound the alarm. Every young parent can get enough sleep, but not everyone drinks too much and yells at loved ones.
What fathers say
I interviewed 30 fathers of different ages. Some have one child, some have two or three. Someone spent an hour a day with the children in their first year of life, someone, like me, sat with them without interruption.
Half of those surveyed said they did not experience any symptoms. They even got enough sleep, in which one can only envy them.
The other half were less fortunate - they lacked sleep, got annoyed over trifles, gave up their previous hobbies, and behaved impulsively.
Aleksey, the editor, would like to have more rest, but he needed to help his wife with the housework.
Victor, a psychologist, says that he got off lightly, because the daughter demanded the main attention from her mother. He only balanced mom's mood swings and entertained the child.
Andrei, a radio host, says it was difficult, but he doesn't remember anything. Apparently that's how the defense mechanisms of the psyche work.
Pavel, the editor, said that many of the symptoms were with him before the baby was born.
What causes depression
What scientists say
Researchers at the Eastern Virginia School of Medicine cite lack of sleep, new responsibilities, and wife's postpartum depression as the main causes of postpartum depression in fathers. Apparently, it is difficult to take on the entire burden of parenthood when your partner is much worse than you. The same study found that one in ten fathers experienced depression. Moreover, in the first months, almost all fathers feel happy, and by the fifth month, some are covered with depression.
Another reason for depression is that society forbids men to talk about their problems. Some of my acquaintances, for example, reacted badly to the fact that I spend more time with the child than my mother. It is unlikely that I will tell them about my father's complexes. In some cities, for example, in Perm, enthusiasts are trying to create fatherly forums and festivals, to organize themselves in order to discuss the difficulties of parenthood. But it turns out with difficulty - the fathers remain abandoned or begin to abuse alcohol.
What fathers say
Almost all the respondents who experienced difficulties attributed this to new circumstances. Too much has changed - the schedule of the child does not coincide with the schedule of the working parent. Pyotr, the head of a PR agency, says that in the evenings he tried to “change activities” and help his wife. But work issues had to be postponed until later. Some fathers approach the problem philosophically: new experiences are always difficult. Anton, a business consultant, said he changed completely because he revised his values. But when the revision was completed, it remained only to rejoice.
It was hard for me that I quit my job. Sometimes there was a breakdown - throw toys and run to the computer, write texts. The way out was found - a part-time job. It became even harder physically, but easier emotionally.
How to deal with postpartum depression
What scientists say
The most important thing is to acknowledge that depression exists. Even if it is its mild form or individual signs. Then you need to ask for help from your wife, relatives and friends. If it doesn’t help or everyone is just as bad, it’s time to go to specialists. Otherwise, the brain itself will find a way out - alcohol, betrayal, divorce.
Dr. Craig Garfield of the Feinberg School of Medicine says all dads need support, even if they don't have depression. It is important that fathers do not seek support, their difficulties should be noticed by relatives. And not to be confused: mothers become depressed and apathetic, and fathers become aggressive and avoid difficulties. Garfield recommends referring to pediatricians with difficulties, but it is unlikely that doctors in municipal clinics are ready to treat fathers. Although it's worth a try - fathers are given more advances than mothers, and they can even help.
What fathers say
Almost all the fathers interviewed coped in one way - they endured and got used to it. Any child has a big plus - he grows and you get used to it. Someone had time to sleep off on weekends, the lucky ones even slept during the day. Artem, a developer, says that humor helped him. This, by the way, is the most perfect psychological defense, if there is strength left for jokes and irony.
Walking with my daughter helped me. For the first six months, she slept in a stroller, and I breathed the forest air and listened to audio lectures on the player. Later, the daughter stopped sleeping, but summer came. We fed squirrels, studied leaves and blades of grass, and fooled around.
Although none of the fathers interviewed described their condition as depressive, this does not mean that there is no problem. Perhaps some of the fathers did not realize their problems, someone could remain silent. Maybe in five or ten years fathers' communities will help new parents cope with difficulties. In the meantime, if you feel difficulties and cannot control yourself, contact the specialists.
After the birth of the child, did the husband become depressed and irritated? There are signs of postpartum depression!
When an addition to the family is planned, all attention is directed to a woman, because she carries in herself new life. Well, when a young man is born, the whole world begins to revolve around him.
Mother and child are constantly in close contact. And what does dad feel at this time? What feelings does he experience with the advent of a son or daughter? As it turns out, it's not always fun. For men who have recently become dads, it is not at all uncommon for such a phenomenon as .
postpartum depression men - a fact proven by science
It has long been known that in women after childbirth, the hormonal background changes dramatically. In addition, overloads, fear of childbirth and anxiety are superimposed that they will not be able to master new duties “at the level”. As a result, postpartum depression can occur. The mechanism of its appearance is clear and logical. But postpartum depression in fathers, what is it - a fact or an invention invented by the men themselves?
Scientific evidence confirms that about 3-10% of men experience postpartum depression in the first year after giving birth.
Depression is mental disorder, which manifests itself in a decrease in mood and a loss of the opportunity to experience joyful moments, an underestimation of self-esteem and a decrease in interest in life in general. Constant depression and irritability - this is how depressive moods of the stronger sex often appear after the birth of a child. But why is this happening?
Where does postpartum depression in men come from?
A child was born. Now everything revolves around him. And the man, too, must join the new frantic pace of life. Change diapers, wake up at night, urgently run to the store or pharmacy. Many men are waiting for the birth of a child, thinking about how everything will change with his appearance and, it would seem, preparing themselves for a new life. But some of them are still not ready for reality. And then the man believes that he can’t cope, confusion, irritation and even aggression appear. The man withdraws into himself and moves away from the family.
In addition, many new fathers start with new force feel financial responsibility for the maintenance of the family. There may be a fear that he will not cope with such an important mission, which is also capable of triggering the mechanism for the development of male depression.
Postpartum depression of dads affects children
oppresses the man himself and negatively affects relationships in the family. In addition, scientists have found that prolonged depression of the father has a bad effect on the mental state of the baby. If the father had manifestations of postpartum depression, then very often a child at 2-3 years old has psychological problems. He is more difficult to educate and more emotionally unbalanced.
Therefore, do not ignore the appearance of signs of depression in a man. It is necessary to try as soon as possible to normalize his psycho-emotional background.
How to deal with postpartum depression in men?
is a family problem, so we need to deal with it together. If a woman noticed that the pendulum of her husband’s mood has gone negative for a long time, it’s time to take measures to restore the man’s psycho-emotional state.
- Talk heart to heart, find out the causes of irritation and tension. Perhaps you will find a way to eliminate them.
- Let him rest. Despite the fact that the main burden in the first years of the birth of a child is usually borne by a woman, a man also gets it. We must remember this and try to allocate time for rest for each spouse. Give your husband the opportunity to occasionally chat with friends, go to football or fishing. Such a “reboot” will help get rid of negative emotions.
- Involve a man in communication with a child. Help him connect with the baby. Tell the man about the daily small news at home and your child's victories.
- Let him feel that you love him and appreciate that you need him.. Do not forget to praise and thank the man for his help.
- Treat everything with humor. Try to joke and smile more, it relieves stress and improves mood.
- Only together can you overcome all difficulties and prevent prolonged postpartum depression, including, regardless of whether it appeared in mom or dad.
Everyone knows that women often suffer from postpartum depression. Since this is a recognized fact, mothers can get help and support from families and professionals. However, it is not so widely known that about 10 percent of new fathers also suffer from sadness and depression, in connection with the appearance of a baby. Postpartum depression in fathers is more likely if the man suffered from depression before the baby was born, if he was stressed in marriage or in connection with the prospect of becoming a father. If a dad has postpartum depression, the whole family suffers.
Why is postpartum depression in men not recognized and recognized? After giving birth, mothers usually have regular check-ups with a gynecologist and a pediatrician. This gives them the opportunity to talk about themselves and their feelings. However, fathers often return to work immediately or almost immediately after the birth of a child. They simply do not have a reason and opportunity to talk to a health worker.
Fathers may also not realize themselves that they are experiencing derpessia and that they need therapy. In the media, it is very rare to find stories about postpartum depression in fathers, so some men simply do not know about this phenomenon.
Symptoms of depression can be:
— Bad mood most of the day;
- lack of interest in usual activities, including sex;
- weight change (increase or decrease);
- changes in sleep (a person may wake up at night and then have difficulty falling asleep, or vice versa, sleep more than usual);
- nervousness;
- lethargy;
- fatigue;
- guilt;
- inability to concentrate;
- thoughts about death;
A person may experience only a portion of these symptoms.
Like moms with postpartum depression, dads need help and support. Informal support from family and friends is very important. But if a man is in a depressed state for more than two weeks, he certainly needs to see a specialist.
Psychotherapy or "talking therapy" has been shown to be effective in treating depression. If such therapy does not help, the psychologist may advise the father to consult a psychiatrist. Many patients find that a combination of therapy and medication helps to quickly improve their mood and return to a normal life.
Another solution to the problem is family therapy. A family therapist teaches couples communication strategies that benefit the whole family. If you or your partner has postpartum depression, don't waste your time. Talk to someone you trust and get the support you need. If there is a history of depression or unresolved problems in the family, or if you are experiencing severe stress in connection with the birth of a child, therapy is recommended even before the child is born.
Parents, take care of yourself and each other, then you can take better care of your baby.
The birth of a new person is an amazing event. All relatives are in anticipation of the appearance of a new family member, and parents experience a sense of joy. But, it happens that after the birth of a child, a woman has a feeling of melancholy and hopelessness. And it’s not at all because she doesn’t like her own baby. It's all about postpartum depression.
Signs and symptoms of postpartum depression
Many young mothers, after the birth of a baby, are overcome by a feeling of anxiety and concern for the baby. There may be a feeling of constant fatigue or overwork. If such conditions occur periodically, then you should not worry too much. This is normal. But if this happens constantly and moves on the rise, then this is a reason to see a doctor - perhaps this is postpartum depression.
From the point of view of some doctors, the culprit of such a painful condition is hormonal changes that occurred during pregnancy. After childbirth, the body tries to find its biological norm, and the psyche does not have time to respond properly.
Other doctors believe that such a personality disorder depends on temperament and sensitivity women. There is also an opinion that women who have given birth by caesarean section are more susceptible to depression of this kind.
I was waiting for the birth of my baby. It seemed to me that I would be an ideal mother, while I would loving wife and a great hostess. But, unfortunately, instead of the expected joy, I overwhelmed by a feeling of longing and unwillingness to do anything . Sometimes I just didn’t understand why I needed to live, I constantly cried or got annoyed with people close to me. My husband, looking at me, realized that the problem is serious, and help is needed.
Can be suspected of postpartum depression for some common features, moreover, they can appear all together or only some of them:
- Change in emotional behavior . A woman can fall into deep anguish or become aggressive towards loved ones. May experience a feeling of constant anxiety and fear, or may begin to sob over trifles.
- Change in appetite . It can also manifest itself in uncontrolled absorption of food, and can be expressed in the refusal to absorb food.
- Appearance with a constant feeling of fatigue . This is a wake-up call, as many mental conditions have insomnia as part of their symptoms.
- Constant feeling of sleepiness . If there are no diseases, then a constant feeling of drowsiness may indicate that a nervous breakdown is about to begin.
- Decreased libido .
- Inability to concentrate and difficulty in making decisions.
Understanding the causes of illness
To begin the fight against postpartum depression, I needed to find out the causes and mechanisms of its occurrence. Conventionally, I divided them into physiological and psychological . By the way, it is worth noting. That the specific causes of the disease have not yet been named.
For physiological reasons can be attributed to hormonal changes in the body during and after pregnancy. The hormonal background changes a lot, in addition, there is an increase in blood volume, a change in blood pressure and metabolism. A difficult pregnancy or exhausting childbirth can result in physical exhaustion and pain, which in turn can contribute to the development of depression.
Psychological reasons have a more vague form of definition. There are opinions that the onset of depression depends on a genetic predisposition, that is, if a woman's mother suffered from this disease, then her daughter is slightly more likely to manifest it than all other young mothers.
If a woman has a firstborn child , then often she has no idea what loads she will have to experience. Having learned in practice what it is, the newly-made mother falls into a panic, which can lead to the development of a painful condition.
The fear of doing something wrong, as well as the fear of harming the baby, contribute to the onset of depression. Feeling afraid of being a bad mom, as well as the inability to establish breast-feeding can also be attributed to the causes of the disease.
Changes in financial situation, changes in habitual lifestyle and the possibility of free movement drives many young mothers into a state requiring help.
Finally, many women are not ready for the fact that their figure may differ from the previous one, and sexual relations with a partner may not change for the better.
Whatever the cause of postpartum depression, support and help is needed to eliminate it.
How I Treated Depression After My First and Second Childbirth
Depression overtook me both after the first and after the second birth. But, if after the first I needed the help of a specialist, then I already coped with the second one on my own with the support of people close to me.
I myself have experienced depression twice.
But the timely awareness of the problem, the help of my loved ones and work on myself helped me to emerge victorious from this disease.