Quotes about elections. Mark Twain. Quotes and aphorisms Quotes and aphorisms from Mark Twain

Except just a huge number of novels, essays, letters, etc. in the legacy of Mark Twain, and this is more than 25 full volumes, we are left with quotes and aphorisms of the great man.

His quotes and aphorisms seem funny, but behind these jokes there is a great meaning and life experience of a wise person.

He is famous for this quote:

You can make the reader laugh, but this is an empty exercise if love for people does not lie in the depths of the book. Many do not understand that a humorist needs the same ability to see, analyze, understand, as an author of serious books ... Only that humor will live that grows out of the truth of life.

By the way, you know that Mark Twain, at his birth, was named Samuel Langhorne Clemens. He was fond of science, adored billiards and liked to smoke a pipe. And he wrote a lot. And then he told his readers:

It took me 15 years to realize that I have no literary talent. But it was too late. I could no longer refuse to write, my books made me famous.

Mark Twain was born in the year that Halley's comet flew over the earth. A year before his death, the writer uttered prophetic words:

I came into this world with Halley's Comet and I will leave with it.

And so it happened.

Today I want to bring to your attention a small collection of quotes from the great writer.

Quotes and aphorisms from Mark Twain

Let's live so that even the undertaker mourns our death!
When in doubt, speak the truth.
To be happy, you have to live in your own paradise! Did you really think that one and the same paradise could satisfy all people without exception?
Noise proves nothing. A hen, after laying an egg, often cackles as if she had laid a small planet.
I never let school interfere with my education.
If you need money, go to strangers; if you need advice, go to your friends; and if you don't need anything, go to your relatives.
When my wife and I disagree, we usually do what she wants. The wife calls it a compromise.
In 20 years, you will be more disappointed with the things you didn't do than with the things you did. So depart from the quiet harbor, Feel the wind in your sail. Move forward! Dream! Open!
Being good - it wears out a person so much!
It is better to be silent and seem like a fool than to speak up and dispel all doubts.
Man was created on the last day of creation, when God was already tired.
I have been praised a great many times, and I have always been embarrassed; each time I felt that more could be said.
Quitting smoking is easy. I myself threw a hundred times.
Don't put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
Civilization is an endless accumulation of unnecessary things.
If you notice that you are on the side of the majority, this is a sure sign that it is time to change.
Apparently, there is nothing in the world that could not happen.
Set a goal every day to do something that you don't like. This golden rule will help you do your duty without disgust.
There is no greater vulgarity than excessive sophistication.
When I was fourteen my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him; but when I was twenty-one years old, I was amazed at how much this old man had grown in the last seven years.
A true friend is with you when you're wrong. When you are right, everyone will be with you.
Often the surest way to deceive a person is to tell him the pure truth.
Wrinkles should only indicate places where smiles used to be.
People who have their own grief know how to comfort others.
Never argue with idiots. You will sink to their level, where they will crush you with their experience.
The best way to cheer up is to cheer up someone else.
At fifty a man can be an ass without being an optimist, but he can no longer be an optimist without being an ass.
Each person, like the moon, has his unlit side, which he does not show to anyone.
To create a man was a glorious and original idea. But to create a sheep after that meant to repeat.
Avoid those who try to undermine your belief in the possibility of achieving something significant in life. This feature is characteristic of small souls.
Buy land - no one produces it anymore.
If you only speak the truth, you don't need to remember anything.
Kindness is what the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Always do the right thing. It will please some people and surprise everyone else.
Grief can be experienced alone, but joy - in order to fully know it - must be shared with another person.
It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Once in a lifetime, fortune knocks on the door of every person, but at this time a person often sits in the nearest pub and does not hear any knock.
There are many funny things in the world; among other things, the white man's conviction that he is less of a savage than all other savages.
If all people thought the same way, then no one would play at the races.
We like people who dare to tell us what they think, as long as they think like us.
When you're angry, count to four; when you are very angry, swear!
Adam was a man: he desired the apple from the tree of paradise, not because it was an apple, but because it was forbidden.
The truth should be presented as a coat is served, and not thrown in the face like a wet towel.
April 1 is a day that reminds us of who we are for the rest of the 364 days.
Adam was a happy man: when something funny came into his head, he could be sure that he was not repeating other people's witticisms.
“Children and fools always tell the truth,” says the old adage. The conclusion is clear: adults and wise people never tell the truth.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let's save it.
The worst loneliness is when a person is uncomfortable with himself.
A classic is something that everyone considers it necessary to read and no one reads.
The right to be stupid is one of the guarantees of the free development of the individual.
Thousands of geniuses live and die unknown - either unrecognized by others or unrecognized by themselves.
It's great that America was discovered, but it would be much more wonderful if Columbus sailed by.
There is nothing more annoying than a good example.
Summer is the time of the year when it is very hot to do things that were very cold to do in winter.
It is worth giving your word that you will not do something, as you will definitely want to.
Pessimism is just a word for wisdom by the faint of heart.
You cannot rely on the eyes if the imagination is unfocused.
The only way to stay healthy is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you don't like.
Good friends, good books and a sleeping conscience - this is the ideal life.

A few months ago, as an independent, I was nominated as a candidate for governor of the great state of New York. The two main parties nominated Mr. John T. Smith and Mr. Blank J. Blank, but I felt that I had an important advantage over these gentlemen, namely, an untarnished reputation. One only had to look through the newspapers to see that if they were ever decent people, those days were long gone. It was quite obvious that in recent years they had become mired in all sorts of vices. I reveled in my superiority over them and rejoiced in the depths of my soul, but a certain thought, like a muddy trickle, darkened the serene expanse of my happiness: after all, my name will now be on everyone’s lips, along with the names of these scoundrels! This began to bother me more and more. In the end, I decided to consult my grandmother. The old woman answered quickly and decisively. Her letter read:

"In all your life you have not committed a single dishonest act. Not a single one! Meanwhile, just look at the newspapers and you will understand what kind of people Mr. Smith and Mr. Blank are. Judge for yourself whether you can humiliate yourself so much as to join them in political struggle?

This is exactly what kept me going! All night long I never closed my eyes. In the end, I decided that it was too late to retreat. I took on certain obligations and must fight to the end. At breakfast, casually looking through the newspapers, I came across the following article and, to tell the truth, I was completely stunned:

"Perjury testimonial. Perhaps, now appearing before the people as a candidate for governor, Mr. Mark Twain deigns to explain under what circumstances he was caught in violation of the oath by thirty-four witnesses in city of Wakuwake (Kochinchina) in 1863? Perjury was carried out with the intention of taking away from a poor native widow and her defenseless children a miserable piece of land with a few banana trees - the only thing that saved them from hunger and poverty. In their own interests, as well as in in the interest of the electorate that Mr. Twain hopes will vote for him, he is obligated to clarify the story. Will he dare?"

My eyes just widened in amazement. What a gross, shameless slander! I have never been to Cochin China! I have no idea about Vakuvak! I couldn't tell a banana tree from a kangaroo! I just didn't know what to do. I was furious, but completely helpless.

A whole day went by and I didn't do anything. The next day, the following lines appeared in the same newspaper:

"Remarkably! It should be noted that Mr. Mark Twain maintains a significant silence about his perjury in Cochin!"

(Later, throughout the entire election campaign, this newspaper called me nothing more than "The infamous perjurer Twain")

Then another article appeared in another newspaper:

“It would be desirable to know whether the new candidate for governor would deign to explain to those of his fellow citizens who dare to vote for him one curious circumstance: is it true that his comrades in the barracks in Montana every now and then various small things disappeared, which were invariably found either in Mr. Twain's pockets, or in his "suitcase" (the old newspaper in which he wrapped his belongings).Is it true that the comrades were finally forced to Mr. Twain, make him a friendly suggestion, smear with tar, roll out in feathers, and carry him through the streets on a pole, and then advise him to quickly clear the premises he occupies in the camp and forget the way there forever? What will Mr. Mark Twain answer to this?

Could anything more vile be invented! I've never been to Montana in my life!

(This paper has since called me "Twain, the Montana Thief.")

Now I began to unfold the morning paper with timid caution, the way a man probably lifts a blanket when he suspects that a rattlesnake is hiding somewhere in the bed.

One day the following struck me:

"Cullic slander! Michael O'Flanagan, Esq. of Five Points, Mr. Snub Rifferty, and Mr. Twain, that the late grandfather of our worthy candidate, Mr. Blank, was hanged for robbery on the highway, is a vile and ridiculous, baseless slander. to any vile tricks, desecrate the tombs and blacken the honest names of the dead.When thinking about the grief that this vile lie caused to the innocent relatives and friends of the deceased, we are almost ready to advise the offended and angry public to immediately inflict a formidable reprisal on the slanderer. However, no! Let him be tormented by remorse! The others will not dare to accuse them, and no court will dare to sentence the participants in this case to punishment.)"

The deft final phrase, apparently, made the right impression on the public: that same night I had to jump out of bed and run out of the house by the back door, and the “insulted and angry public” burst through the front door and, in a fit of just indignation, began to smash my windows and breaking furniture, and by the way, she took some of my things with her. And yet I can swear by all saints that I never slandered Mr. Blank's grandfather. Moreover, I did not suspect of his existence and never heard his name.

(I will note in passing that the aforementioned newspaper has since taken to referring to me as "Twain, the Tomb Defiler".)

The following article soon caught my attention:

"A worthy candidate! Mr. Mark Twain, who was going to give a thunderous speech at the meeting of the Independents last night, did not appear there on time. A telegram received from Mr. Twain's doctor said that he was run over by a speeding carriage, that his leg was broken in two places, that he was in severe pain, and the like. the scoundrel they chose as their candidate. But last night, some dead drunk fellow crawled on all fours into the hotel where Mr. Mark Twain lives. Now let the independents try to prove that this drunken brute was not Mark Twain. Got caught at last! Subterfuge not All the people loudly ask: "Who was this man?"

I didn't believe my eyes. It can't be that my name was associated with such a monstrous suspicion! For the past three years I have not taken beer or wine or any spirits in my mouth.

(Obviously, time was taking its toll, and I began to temper myself, because without much chagrin in the next issue of this newspaper I read my new nickname: "Twain, White Fever", although I knew that this nickname would remain with me until the end of the election campaign.)

By this time, my name began to receive a lot of anonymous letters. Usually they were like this:

"What can you say about the wretched old woman who knocked on your door for alms, and you kicked her with your foot?"

"Some of your dark deeds are known only to me so far. You will have to fork out for a few dollars, otherwise the newspapers will learn something about you from your obedient servant."

The rest of the letters were in the same vein. I could quote them here, but I think the reader will have enough of these.

Soon the main newspaper of the Republican Party "convicted" me of bribing voters, and the central organ of the Democrats "brought me to clean water" for criminal extortion of money.

(Thus, I got two more nicknames: "Twain the Dirty Dodger" and "Twain the Sneaky Blackmailer").

In the meantime, all the newspapers, with terrible cries, began to demand an "answer" to the charges brought against me, and the leaders of my party declared that further silence would ruin my political career. And as if to prove it and spur me on, the next morning in one of the newspapers there was this article:

"Love this subject! The independent candidate continues to stubbornly remain silent. Of course, he does not dare even utter a word. The accusations against him turned out to be quite reliable, that further confirmed by his eloquent silence. From now on he is branded for life! Look at your candidate, independents! Look at that Vile Oathbreaker, at the Montana Thief, at the Tomb Defiler! Look at your incarnated Delirium Delirium, at your Dirty Dodger and Vile Blackmailer! into it, examine it from all sides and tell me if you dare to give your honest votes to this scoundrel, who, by his grave crimes, has earned so many disgusting nicknames and does not even dare to open his mouth to refute at least one of them.

It was apparently impossible to evade further, and, feeling deeply humiliated, I sat down to "answer" this whole heap of undeserved dirty slanders. But I never managed to finish my work, because the next morning a new terrible and vicious slander appeared in one of the newspapers: I was accused of setting fire to a lunatic asylum with all its inhabitants, because it spoiled the view from my windows. Here I was seized with horror. Then there was a report that I had poisoned my uncle in order to take possession of his property. The newspaper insistently demanded an autopsy. I was afraid that I was about to go crazy. But this is not enough: I was accused of the fact that, as a trustee of a foundling shelter, I attached, under the patronage of my mentally ill, toothless relatives, to the position of chewing food for pets. My head was spinning. Finally, the shameless persecution to which the hostile parties subjected me reached its climax: at someone's instigation, during the pre-election meeting, nine babies of all colors of skin and in a variety of rags clambered onto the podium and, clinging to my legs, began to shout: "Dad!"

I couldn't take it. I lowered the flag and surrendered. Running for governor of the state of New York proved beyond my powers. I wrote that I was withdrawing my candidacy, and in a fit of bitterness I signed:

"With perfect respect, yours, once an honest man, and now:

Infamous Oathbreaker, Montana Thief, Tomb Defiler, Delirium Delirium, Filthy Dodger and Sneaky Blackmailer

If you're in the minority, speak up; if in the majority - vote.
Roger Sherman
Each parliament believes that it would have ruled the country perfectly if the citizens had not interfered with it.
Wilhelm Schwebel
There are some legislatures that sell for the highest prices in the world.
Mark Twain
By the grace of God in our country we have three precious blessings: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience and prudence never to use either one or the other.
Mark Twain
The ballot is the only commodity that can be traded without a patent.
Mark Twain
Principles do not play a big role, except perhaps during elections. After the election, they can be hung on a rope so that they are properly ventilated and dried.
Mark Twain
All political parties eventually die, choking on their own lies.
Mark Twain
Even when a person in power wants to do good to one person, he inevitably does harm to another.
Mark Twain
The opposition is tomorrow's reactionaries.
Adrian Decourcelle
Opposition is the art of promising what the government cannot deliver.
Harold Nicholson
The opposition in politics is the party that keeps the government from violent insanity by cutting its hamstrings.
Ambrose Bierce
Parliament can force the people to submit, but not to agree.
Winston Churchill
parliamentary leader
Is always the best
And the most advocacy of all.
Maximilian Voloshin
Partyism is the insanity of many for the benefit of some.
Alexander Pop
A party that claims the rain as its merit should not be surprised when it is blamed for the drought.
Dwight Morrow
The poor always vote for the party that promises bread and circuses the loudest and then fails to deliver.
Wilhelm Schwebel
As a result of democratic elections, out of a large number of ignorant people, a small number of bribes is obtained.
Bernard Show
Only those people who are constantly aware of what is happening have the right to choose their own government.
Thomas Jefferson
The main thing is that during the election campaign, never say anything that can be remembered.
Eugene McCarthy
Vote for the one who promises less than others: this way you will be less disappointed.
Bernard Baruch
Bad statesmen are elected by good citizens... not voting.
George Nathan
Anarchy always leads to absolutism.
Napoleon
In any era, the most malicious representatives of the human race should be sought among the leaders of the people.
Thomas Macaulay
In our times, it is already obvious that those sovereigns who cared little for piety and knew how to trick people's brains by cunning won in the end those who relied on their honesty.
Niccolo Machiavelli
In this world, people value not rights, but privileges.
Henry Mencken
The greatness of a great man is revealed in the way he treats small people.
Thomas Carlyle
Power is the strongest stimulant.
Henry Kissinger
The mercy of the powerful of this world is most often just a cunning policy, the purpose of which is to win the love of the people.
François de La Rochefoucauld
A tyrant needs neither art nor wisdom to rule over people: a policy that amounts to the shedding of blood is always short-sighted and devoid of flexibility. It teaches us to kill those who interfere with our ambition; therefore a person who is cruel by nature follows it without difficulty. This is the most vile and crudest way to stay in power or come to it.
Jean de La Bruyère
Everything flourishes in a country where no one makes a distinction between the interests of the state and the sovereign.
Jean de La Bruyère
The power of one person over another destroys, first of all, the one who rules.
Lev Tolstoy
Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
John Acton
Every nation has the kind of government it deserves.
Joseph de Maistre
Three things threaten every government: inconsistency, tyranny and envy.
William Penn
Many, entering into nobles, go out of the people.
F. Glinka
To imagine oneself great because of rank and wealth is to imagine that a pedestal makes a hero.
M. Leshchinskaya
Bribers should tremble if they have stolen only as much as is necessary for themselves. When they have plundered enough to share with others, they have nothing more to fear.
Cicero

The ballot is the only commodity that can be traded without a patent.
Mark Twain

3 minutes to think

Election Quotes

Ninety-eight percent of the adult population of our country are honest, decent people who live by their work. However, the remaining two percent are in plain sight. And we choose them.
Lily Tomlin

7 minutes to think3 minutes to think

Anastasio Somoza Debayle

3 minutes to think

Theodor Hösberg

3 minutes to think

G. Ashhurst

5 minutes to think

Never lie so much as during the war, after the hunt and before the election.
Otto von Bismarck

3 minutes to think

I want no voter to be able to wipe himself with a piece of paper that doesn't have my image on it.
Lyndon Johnson

5 minutes to think

Your election campaign will be much more successful and enjoyable if you kiss only those girls who can already vote.
Michigan politician

5 minutes to think

Of the two evils, choose the usual!
Arkady Davidovich

5 minutes to think

It is enough to lose the election to understand that the majority is not always right.
E. Mackenzie

3 minutes to think

The American writer, humorist, satirist, publicist and publisher Mark Twain is known to us primarily thanks to the works of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn". Although Twain's work is much more diverse. He left more than 25 volumes of works of various genres, from light sketches to thick historical novels. The writer is also known for his sharp aphorisms and quotations. And in all his work - from funny statements to serious works - he defended democratic freedoms, promoted a reasonable attitude towards reality, fought prejudices, and was skeptical of fanatical faith.

He once said: “You can make the reader laugh, but this is an empty exercise if there is no love for people in the depths of the book. Many do not understand that a humorist needs the same ability to see, analyze, understand, as well as from the author of serious books. .. Only that humor will live that grows out of the truth of life." Twain applied this principle to short forms of literature - aphorisms. All of his quotes are smart and relevant even today.

True, the writer was modest about his literary gift: “It took me 15 years to understand that I had no literary talent. But it was too late. I could no longer refuse to write, my books made me famous.”

By the way, the writer was born in the year when Halley's comet flew to earth. A year before his death, he said: "I came into this world with Halley's comet and I will leave with it." And so it happened...

Let's recall other aphorisms and sayings of the writer.

Mark Twain quotes about elections and politics

If something depended on the elections, we would not be allowed to participate in them.

Principles do not play a big role, except perhaps during elections. After the election, they can be hung on a rope so that they are properly ventilated and dried.

The ballot is the only commodity that can be traded without a patent.

All political parties eventually die, choking on their own lies.

He should be president if he is not hanged by then.

There are some legislatures that sell for the highest prices in the world.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next.

Statements about religion and God

Nobody lies when they pray.

Man is a religious animal; the only animal that loves its neighbor as itself, and cuts its throat if it disagrees with it in theological matters.

Nothing strikes like a miracle, except for the naivety with which it is taken for granted.

Man was created on the last day of creation, when God was already tired.

It often seems to me that it would have been better if Noah and his crew were late for their ark.

Methuselah lived 969 years. You, dear boys and girls, will see more in the next ten years than Methuselah saw in his entire life.

Mark Twain quotes about age

What is human life? The first third is a good time; the rest is a memory of him.

Wrinkles should only be traces of past smiles.

Better to be a young dung beetle than an old bird of paradise.

What to do with the person who was the first to celebrate a birthday? Killing is not enough.

Everything in the world is upside down. Life should begin with an old man, with all the advantages of old age - position, experience, wealth - and end it with a young man who can enjoy it all so brilliantly. And now the world is arranged in such a way that in youth, when there is no account for the pleasures that you get for a single dollar, you do not have this dollar. In old age, you have a dollar, but there is nothing that you would like to buy with it.

Aphorisms about friendship

A true friend is with you when you're wrong. When you are right, everyone will be with you.

Friendship is such a holy, sweet, lasting and permanent feeling that it can be kept for life, unless, of course, you try to ask for a loan.

It is easy to call a person wise, it is much more difficult to convince his friends of this.

If you need money, go to strangers; if you need advice, go to your friends; and if you don't need anything, go to your relatives.

There is one old toast, remarkable for its beauty: "When you climb to the top of success, may you not meet your friend."

Your enemy and your friend are working together to strike you in the heart: one says nasty things about you, the other gives you his words.

Good friends, good books, and a sleeping conscience - this is the ideal life.

Mark Twain quotes about women

Kissing requires both hands.

Much could be said about her virtue, but everything else is much more interesting.

I have seen men who have hardly changed in thirty years, but their wives have become old women. All these were virtuous women, and virtue wears out a man very much.

I don't think that I could like her, except perhaps on a raft on the high seas, and even then if there was absolutely nothing to eat.

Even the clearest and most undoubted circumstantial evidence can eventually be erroneous, so they should be used with the greatest care. As an example, take any pencil sharpened by any woman: if you ask the witnesses, they will say that she did it with a knife, but if you decide to judge by a pencil, you will say that she gnawed it with her teeth.

About dogs and cats

Heaven is accepted not on merit, but on patronage, otherwise you would have remained outside the threshold, but would have let your dog in.

If you try to run over the dog, he will be able to dodge, but if you want to go around him, then he will not be able to correctly calculate and bounce in the wrong direction. I ran into all the dogs that came to watch me ride my bike.

If you pick up a starving dog and feed him enough, he won't bite you. This is the fundamental difference between a dog and a human.

A house without a cat—and a cat that is groomed, pampered, and revered—may be an exemplary home, but how can he certify that?

Of all the creatures of God, only one cannot be forced into obedience by force - a cat. If it were possible to cross a man with a cat, it would improve the human breed, but it would damage the feline one.

thoughts of death

Let's live so that even the undertaker will regret us when we die!

It is hardly comforting enough for a corpse to know that the dynamite that tore it to pieces was not as good a quality as it should have been.

The introduction of cremation will perhaps save us from the monstrous funeral witticisms; but, on the other hand, will not a lot of old, musty cremation jokes that have been peacefully resting for two thousand years come back to life?

I felt sad when they said that I was a great writer. Great writers die. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, Milton is dead, Shakespeare is dead, and I don't feel very well either.

Why do we rejoice at the birth of a person and sad at the funeral? Is it because it's not about us?

Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Mark Twain quotes about good, evil and conscience

A bad conscience is like a hair in your mouth.

On weekdays, we do not use our morality very well. By Sunday, it always needs repair.

I remember the taste of a watermelon obtained in an honest way, and the taste of a watermelon obtained in another way. Both are good, but experienced people know which is tastier.

Ethics consists of political ethics, business ethics, ecclesiastical ethics, and ethics.

It is easier to behave correctly than to come up with rules of conduct.

There are no good deeds. And there are no bad deeds. There are only good intentions and bad intentions, that's all. Half of the effects of good intentions end up doing evil, and half of bad intentions end up doing good.

If the desire to kill and the ability to kill always coincided, which of us would escape the gallows?

There are people who are capable of any noble and heroic deed, but cannot resist the temptation to tell the unfortunate about their happiness.

Be virtuous and you will be alone.

Aphorisms about truth and lies

Truth is the most valuable thing we have; let us use it carefully.

It often happens that a person who has never told a lie in his life undertakes to judge what is true and what is a lie.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

No one could live with a person who constantly tells the truth; Thank God none of us is in danger.

You should not tell the truth to people who accept at full cost everything you tell them, whether it be lies or the truth.

When you don't know what to say, speak the truth.

A person who cannot deceive himself can hardly deceive others.

Aphorisms about a person

God created man because he was disappointed in the monkey. After that, he abandoned further experiments.