Who are asexuals and why do they become one? Who are asexuals? The meaning of the word asexual

In addition to the three types of orientations known, probably, to every modern person - hetero, homo and bi, there are many more sexual identities that were practically unknown until recently. One of these types is asexuality, which is usually understood as a complete lack of desire to lead an intimate life.

Asexuals are found among both men and women, however, according to surveys conducted in Britain, their number does not exceed 1% of the total mass of adult sexually mature people. Asexuals are quite capable of having sex from time to time to conceive a child or to please their partner, but they do not experience any sexual attraction.

In today's society, where sex is very important, and the opinion that without intimate relationships life is dreary and bleak, asexuals often feel out of place. In addition, finding a mate for them is much more difficult than the much more common "hetero". Perhaps that is why many asexuals prefer to get acquainted on the specialized communities of VKontakte or the forum "Russian Community of Asexuals", because every time you meet, you are faced with the fact that your new lover simply does not understand (or even reacts to it extremely aggressively), why don't you want sex, it's pretty hard.

Causes of asexuality: is it possible to become asexual (asexual)

Science does not yet give an answer to the question of how and why they become asexual. What is known is that certain forms of asexuality occur in a wide variety of animal types. Males and females that do not show interest in mating are found among mice, and among rats, and among sheep. So, the causes of asexuality may well be biological and not related to society.

Asexual flag: black symbolizes asexuality, gray symbolizes "gray asexuality" and "demisexuality", white color symbolizes sexuality, and purple symbolizes the community.

However, a number of researchers believe that the causes of asexuality are often sociological, for example, an initially heterosexual woman can become asexual due to hatred of the male sex that has developed as a result of negative experiences (for example, rape, intentional infection with a sexually transmitted disease). However, most asexuals are extremely negative about this point of view and claim that asexuality was inherent in them from the very beginning.

What is the difference between asexuality and frigidity: how to treat asexuality and is it necessary?

Frigidity is a rather unpleasant sexual disorder, which manifests itself in the fact that a woman feels sexual desire, but, entering into intimate contact, can neither be aroused, nor enjoy sex, nor achieve orgasm. Frigid women would be happy to get rid of their disease, but this is far from always possible, while asexual women are quite capable of both getting excited and experiencing an orgasm, but most often they do not see any point in this.

Asexuality is one of the variants of the norm, not a pathology, so it does not need to be treated. If you feel good about not having intimate relationships with other people, then there is no need to worry about the fact that “something is wrong” with you. And various familiar "psychologists" who simply want to assert themselves at your expense, exposing you to be somehow wrong, should be sent far and for a long time.

In the same way, you should not try to "heal" your partner, who directly told you that he is asexual and has no desire to have sex.

Types of asexuality: what are asexuals

Although asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, this does not mean that they do not have romantic attraction. Many of them are quite ready to build relationships without sex with partners of a wide variety of sexual orientations and gender identities. On the basis of this, a whole classification of representatives of the asexual spectrum has even been formed.

Depending on the gender of the person they might fall in love with, asexuals are categorized as gyno, andro, neutro, agener, and transromantics. And depending on their own gender identity, they are divided into hetero-, homo-, bi- and pan-romantics. In addition, among people on the asexual spectrum, you can find:

polyromantics who are romantically attracted to several partners at once, monoromantics - to only one person,
who prefer non-reciprocal feelings of litromantics,
demiromantics, who require a very strong emotional connection to develop interest,
not interested in sex or the feelings of asexual aromantics.

The second part of the word “romantic” emphasizes that a person who identifies himself with one of the above names is only able to experience romantic attraction to other people, and they are not interested in intimate relationships, so in relation to people of the asexual spectrum it is correct to speak not of sexual, but of romantic orientation. .

Debate

Asexuality is distinct from antisexuality. While asexuals may have a lot in common with antisexuals, asexuality does not imply a positive/negative attitude towards the very phenomenon of sex. Also, asexuality should not be confused with a physical inability to have sexual intercourse and/or procreate.

Some believe that asexuality falls under the definition of sexual disorders. However, although in some cases the refusal of sex may be generated by such reasons, in general, modern medicine recognizes that asexuality is not a pathology and does not cause damage to physical or mental health. This is confirmed by many people who identify themselves as asexual, denying that any of the listed reasons took place in their case, and also adding that since their asexuality does not cause any suffering, then it cannot be attributed to medical or emotional disorders.

There are still discussions about whether asexuality should be considered a fourth orientation or a sexual constitution. Also, there is still no consensus on the definition of asexuality, in particular regarding whether an asexual is devoid of sexual desire at all or, within the definition, may have a relatively weak sexual desire.

Asexuality in Russia

In the Russian-speaking segment of the Internet there is (AVENru), which originated under the auspices of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) community. The purpose of both the English-speaking AVEN and the Russian-speaking AVENru communities is to unite asexuals and people close to asexuality in their worldview, as well as to disseminate information about asexuals and asexuality around the world. It is worth clarifying that AVEN is not only asexuals, but also those who are close to asexuals and those who are close or interested in the topic of asexuality.

Study of

There have been few studies on asexuality, but those that have been conducted claim that it is at least as common as, for example, homosexuality (Bogart, ).

Studies conducted on sheep have shown that about 2-3% of the studied individuals have no apparent interest in mating at all with individuals of either sex. In other studies done on rats and gerbils, up to 12% of males showed no interest in females. Their relationships with other males have not been counted, however, and these studies are of value in addressing asexuality (Westphal, ).

There is an entire class of animals, the Bdelloids rotifers, that exhibit 100% asexual behavior for 40 (or even 80) million years. This class consists exclusively of females that reproduce by parthenogenesis. There are 360 different species of Bdeloid rotifers.

In a survey on sexuality conducted in the UK, which included a question on sexual attraction, 1% of respondents answered that they "never felt any sexual attraction at all to anyone" (Bogert, 2004). The Kinsey Institute also contributed to a small survey on the subject, which concluded that "asexuals seem to be better characterized by low levels of sexual desire and sexual arousal than by low levels of sexual behavior or high levels of sexual inhibition" (Prause and Graham, ). These studies also mention conflicting definitions of "asexuality": this study identified four different definitions in the literature, and stated that it is not clear whether these definitions refer to asexuality as an orientation.

There are studies that show much more impressive numbers - especially when the criterion is not the lack of sexual desire at any time in a lifetime, but the practical daily life of a person. So, anorgasmia is widespread among women. The percentage of women suffering from anorgasmia varies depending on the place and time. “According to H.Michel-Wolfromm, it is observed in 40% of women in France; out of 1500 women examined in Vienna by H. Stourzh, a third never experienced orgasm, and 65% of them had permanent relationships with different men; did not experience sexual satisfaction and a third of the women surveyed by H. Malevska in Poland; 44% of 2000 women surveyed by S. Schnabl in Germany did not experience orgasm or experienced it very rarely. According to Z. V. Rozhanovskaya, out of 412 women who had regularly had sexual intercourse for at least 3 years, 27.4% of women experienced orgasm occasionally, never - 18% of women. Anorgasmia is often combined with a decrease in sexual desire or its absence - alibidemia. (Svyadoshch A. M, Popov I. A.) However, most modern authors consider anorgasmia in women as a deviation from the norm. Due to the weakening of the prohibitions on the manifestations of sexuality, especially female, as a result of the sexual revolution, anorgasmia in women is becoming more rare. Over the two years preceding the survey, more than 11% of Russian women and 7.2% of men consciously avoided intimacy. These data were obtained by the authoritative European Institute dealing with the problems of modern family relations and marriage. It is noteworthy that among those surveyed, more than 5.2% of married couples also said that they refrain from intimacy, and more than half feel quite happy. It is also interesting that there are many more educated people among them than those who graduated from high school only. Approximately the same figures were obtained by researchers in Western Europe, excluding Spain and Italy (previously, similar results were obtained in the United States).

Options

Asexuality is generally not associated with the desire to have or not have children. Asexuals who want to have children may practice intercourse for the purpose of conception, but may also opt for artificial insemination or adoption.

Asexuals can be divided into those who have never experienced sexual desire, and those who got rid of it (through conscious suppression or long-term voluntary abstinence).

Asexuality is not the same as conscious abstinence from sexual activity (which, in turn, should not be identified with its only religious form - celibacy (celibacy)). Many asexuals enter into sexual relations under the influence of social prejudice, or in an effort to satisfy the desire of a partner, or to procreate; in turn, not all celibates are asexual.

Asexuality and religion

Many beliefs and some religious sects consider asexuality to be a higher spiritual state, directly linking the concepts of holiness, purity and purity with the absence of sex and sexual thoughts. Completely asexual Buddhist nirvana (which, however, means freedom from all desires in general). A number of asexuals believe that their lack of "primitive desires" makes them more spiritual, in addition, there are asexuals who consider this the highest spiritual position. Some asexuals have children of their own accord, and some beliefs celebrate both children and asexuality. Moreover, according to some religious beliefs, sexuality itself is holy or a gift from God. For example, some varieties of Tantra deal with sexuality, and certain types of neo-paganism and New Age include the concept of the sacredness of sexuality.

At the moment, asexuality generally does not face religious disapproval.

Asexuality in art

Possibly the first asexual character is Hippolytus, who shunned women and devoted his life to celibacy.

Apparently, the famous Sherlock Holmes of Conan Doyle is also quite asexual, as well as another famous detective character - Agatha Christie's Miss Marple. In general, in English classical literature you can find many characters who behave quite asexually.

In the science fiction novel Turing's Choice by H. Garrison and M. Minsky, the protagonist overcomes sexual desire and becomes asexual.

In the sci-fi novella Distress (), Egan Greg describes a 22nd century world where "asex" is one of the recognized genders:

Asex was nothing special - just a cover-up term for certain groups of philosophers, clothing styles, plastic surgery, and profound biological changes in the body. The only thing in common between the two asexuals was that the parameters of sex determination (general, endocrine, chromosomal, and genital) were a private matter of themselves, their lovers, and perhaps also their doctors and close friends. What they did to express their position ranged from simply choosing the "A" box on the census questionnaires, to choosing an asex name, changing breasts or hairline, adjusting the tone of their voice, changing faces and genitals, to complete physical and psychological asexuality, hermaphrodism or exophrodism.

Agora, one of Alejandro Jodorowsky's Metabaronesses, was an asexual mutant.

One of the main characters in the work of Kurt Vonnegut, "Small Don't Miss" ( Deadeye Dick) (), was asexual due to childhood trauma.

Asexuality is one of the declared features of the Mitki: "The Mitki are not sexy." Despite the fact that most Mitki have wives, and another feature is promiscuity in sexual relations (the paradox is explained by the fact that Mitki are irrational).

Asexuality is characteristic of one of the main characters of the American film "Route 60" Mr. O. J. Grant. According to him: “The world becomes different when you don’t have to think about sex all the time and respond sexually to everything ..”. Which, nevertheless, is further refuted by the words of the protagonist and the presence of Mr. Grant's wife.

famous asexuals

Notes

Myths and facts about asexuals

Studies of asexuality in humans began not so long ago, so it is natural that not everything is known to society about this sexual orientation, and information on this topic is not spreading too quickly. Not surprisingly, most people mistakenly confuse anti-sescuals and asexuals, consider lack of sexual desire a disease, and even believe that asexuals are homosexuals who hide their orientation. Consider the most common myths about asexuality and their refutation :

Asexuals are lonely people who do not know how to love. There is not even a grain of truth in this statement, since the lack of sexual desire is not related to a person's ability to experience. Most asexuals are in a relationship or even have a family and children, but at the same time they most often build relationships with people like themselves, and have sex only for the purpose of procreation. The only difference between asexual and regular couples is that the first couples practically do not have sex, but at the same time, like the second, they have romantic feelings for each other.
Asexuals are people with disorders of the reproductive system. This is not true, since asexuality does not depend on the state of human health, and asexuals may well have sex, but they do not have such a desire. But people suffering from diseases of the reproductive system, on the contrary, may wish to live a sexual life, but do not have such an opportunity due to the disease.
Asexuality is hidden homosexuality. Homosexuals experience a pronounced sexual attraction to members of the same sex, and asexuals do not want to have sex with either women or men.
Asexuals do not accept tactile contact with other people. This opinion is often wrong, since most people who are indifferent to sex have a tactile sensuality and have nothing against handshakes, hugs, stroking and other similar manifestations of tenderness and love. Asexuals do not like only caresses that have a pronounced sexual connotation.
People become asexuals because of the psychological trauma associated with sex. This myth is partially true, since some people, due to psychological shock in childhood, adolescence, or already in adulthood, really refuse to have sex. However, many asexuals did not have any psychological trauma in the past, and their sexual desire was absent from the very beginning.
Monks, Catholic priests and those religious figures who are forbidden by faith to have sex are asexuals. Asexuality has nothing to do with celibacy or austerities, since asexuals purposefully do not limit themselves in sex - they simply do not have the desire to engage in it. Cultists in some refuse to have intimate relationships because of a religious prohibition and not out of their own desire, but it is possible that some clergymen are indeed asexual.
Asexuality and antisexuality are one and the same. This opinion is fundamentally wrong, since antisexuals are people who actively oppose any manifestations of human sexuality. Most asexuals are indifferent to other people's and sexual life and do not seek to inform everyone in a row about the peculiarities of their sexual orientation.
All asexuals are childfree. This is not so, because sexual orientation has nothing to do with the desire or not desire to have children. Many asexuals have sex to conceive or adopt children.

Asexuals in society and in personal relationships

After the so-called sexual revolutions, as a result of which people stopped hiding their sexuality, asexuals also began to speak openly about their orientation and founded their own community. This community is called "Asexual Visibility and Education Network" or AVEN(Asexual Visibility and Education Network) and has its own symbols - in particular, the flag, consisting of black, gray, white and purple horizontal stripes.

As a rule, asexuals do not fence themselves off from other people and can enter into friendships and romantic relationships with people who have a different sexual orientation. However, in a couple where one partner does not experience sexual desire, and the second wants to have a sexual life with his soul mate, conflicts often arise due to the radically opposite attitude of partners towards sex. However, love can overcome any obstacles, so a couple's relationship, where one partner is asexual and the other is heterosexual, can be long and happy, because wise people are capable of, and sex is not the most important thing in a relationship.

Asexuals are people who have their own special view on sex.. The main manifestation is that they have no sexual desire as such. This class of people has a fairly active life position, but unlike the same homosexuals, they do not arrange demonstration performances in the form of parades. Asexuals are quiet intellectual people who prefer to participate in conferences that discuss the inflated importance of sex in society.

However, people who welcome asexuality do not reject love at the same time. Asexuals may experience attraction, but it does not take on sexual forms. This class of people believes in platonic relationships, in high feelings and deep affection that arises between a man and a woman. For them, this is the highest level of formation of the family unit of society. However, if a person decides to become asexual, this does not mean that there is no sex in his life. Many asexuals masturbate, enter into intimate relationships in order to please a loved one or to conceive a child. But there are those who have never experienced sexual attraction throughout their lives.

Reasons for the manifestation of asexuality

Many believe that asexuality is a response to the promiscuity, debauchery and permissiveness of our time. With the advent of access to erotica and pornography through the Internet and TV screens, the percentage of hypersexuality has increased. Today, this is a normal way of life in a society that manages to earn more than one billion dollars. The media claims that the desire for intimacy everywhere and always is the standard.

People who choose to become asexual are disgusted (and sometimes disgusted) with the promiscuity of the modern world. This is a kind of ethical struggle of consciousness over the immoral manifestation of sex imposed by society.

However, asexuality can manifest itself as a matter of course. This is when a person simply does not feel sexual attraction or does not enjoy sexual intercourse. It can be congenital or acquired condition.

It has been established that asexual behavior has existed for thousands of years. In many cultures, asexuality was considered sacred and highly encouraged. An example is the Middle Ages with monasteries and a vow of celibacy.

A person can become asexual for the following reasons:

congenital asexuality. Sexual attraction does not occur during puberty and beyond.
Psychological trauma that occurred on sexual grounds.

Many factors can be the cause:

rape;
the use of rough and harsh actions in sex, including BDSM, without consent;
childhood pornography or sex scenes.

Asexuality as a mental disorder

Despite the fact that some psychiatrists do not consider asexuality a disorder of the nervous system, other specialists have the opposite point of view. Since ancient times in medicine there has been a description of the possible prerequisites for the development of this mental "pathology", namely:

endocrine diseases;
organic lesions of the central nervous system;
poisoning with medicines and salts of heavy metals;
psychiatric illnesses.

However, it has been established that all cases are individual. So one young man may want sex 7 days a week, and another 2 times a month. Both the first and second cases are the norm for medical reasons if there is no influence of extraneous factors or the case is not caused by pathology.

Asexuality: Consequences

From a medical point of view, abstinence plays a negative role in a person's life. This is especially true for men. Prolonged lack of sex can negatively affect sperm motility. The risk of prostatitis increases. It is believed that frequent sexual intercourse reduces the risk of prostatitis, as the prostate is cleansed during ejaculation. In addition, prolonged abstinence can cause premature ejaculation during sex.

It is also necessary to pay attention to the fact that the older a man becomes, the more negative the consequences of the absence of sex for the body. A young guy usually tolerates abstinence more easily, but this does not guarantee that problems will not arise in the future.

For women, abstinence also does not benefit. In addition to the fact that this can cause constant irritability and other disorders of the psychoemotional sphere, there is a risk of various gynecological diseases (exacerbations of premenstrual syndromes, disruption of the genital organs, etc.).

Asexuality - permanent or temporary

Asexuality doesn't necessarily mean that you don't enjoy sex. Many asexuals, especially if this property is acquired, can enjoy the process, but due to some psychological problems they are afraid to have sexual intercourse. It is difficult to get a person out of this state, but it is quite possible. This requires a strong (preferably positive) psychological shake-up. An example would be a situation where an asexual guy has a strong crush on a girl. This can awaken the original instinct, laid down by nature.

However it all depends on the stage and, after all, the deeper psychological problems are in a person, the more difficult it is to solve them.

Asexuality is the absence of any sexual desire. And this should in no way be confused with the lack of an orgasm.

If the lack of orgasm is a dissatisfaction with sex, temporary or permanent, with all or some specific man, then asexuality is a conscious absence of the very desire to do something like that, complete indifference to sex.

At first glance, this is a rather strange phenomenon, contrary to the laws of nature, but, unfortunately, it exists and is already acquiring a certain pathological form. Asexuality begins to stand out as a separate sexual orientation.

Asexuality, of course, is an acquired phenomenon. In women, it appears exclusively on a psychological level, and which originates far from childhood.

Asexuality manifests itself for various reasons: very low libido, disgust, disgust, a sense of alienation, bad experiences in the past, and even elementary depression. And the saddest thing is that there are more and more such women, even certain movements are formed that call for giving up sex forever. But not everyone can go against nature, and, as described above, for the loss of sexual desire, there must be a good reason, laid down on a psychological level.

Of course, such serious problems begin in childhood. After all, children instantly absorb all the information, everything they see remains in their memory as vivid pictures, and emotional upheavals become the biggest life-long fears.

Perhaps this is the upbringing of strict parents who constantly repeated that sex is disgusting and terribly embarrassing. For little girls, these are strict fathers who are afraid for them and do not know another way to talk about such a topic.

Also, the first unsuccessful sexual experience that left an imprint on the rest of your life can be the reason. And in some cases - simply unjustified expectations, expressed in sexual attraction that never came, as a result of which the feeling of being inferior, not like everyone else, if “this” never came. And the older they get, the worse it gets.

It is also worth noting that if a woman is deprived of sexual desire, this does not mean that she cannot feel arousal. Maybe because you can't go against nature. But this does not mean that she needs sex or that this very excitement brings her pleasure.

But the most interesting thing is that if a woman is asexual, this does not mean that she is not capable of love. That she, like others, cannot walk around the city with her loved one, holding hands, hugging him and kissing him. They just think that love is a real feeling, and sex is a vulgarity in the last resort.

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